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guild for Sidekick Academy, a superhero b/c! Or sidekick, if you wanna see it that way... 

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[APPROVED] Spinneret // D3-R0Y

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Viink


PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:32 pm
User Image
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:35 pm
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ User Image
Introductory notes: OK! So my intention is to have a moth girl. Although
it might be easier to just have her be moth girl right off the bat. Where's the
fun in that? Bring on the challenge! Plus, the wormyness is just the initial
stage, and it's a great conversation starter. I would like her, when she grows
out of her larval stage, to look human(oid), so there is that keep in mind. If
anything she might actually have less derivative powers when she's fully
developed. Some of the main goals I had with character concept is for her to
be disgustingly adorable and pleasantly surprising. Just thought I'd share
that with you. Thanks for coming here, and enjoy the read!
 


Viink




Viink


PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:38 am


Hero alias: Spinneret_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Real name: D3-R0Y (Deroy) _ _ _ _ _ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Which area is the character based/from: Sewit. _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Age upon entering academy: at around 13. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Motivation for entering academy: After being discovered in the sewers
there weren't many places where they were likely to tolerate her presence.
Somewhere, somehow she came to hear about Sidekick Academy, and
was very eager to join. Above all, she seeks acceptance and wants to make
friends. Using her abilities to help others is a gratifying bonus.

Powers/abilities: She's a silkworm/human hybrid. What this looks like is
that in place of where a girl should be there is a giant silkworm. The
highlighted abilities derived from this Rookie form are as follows;

➔ Spinning silk, she can spin a line produced from glands in her mouth.
She's capable spitting and anchoring the line a short distance. The line itself
is a durable carbon fiber/protein thread. It's weak to fire and is usually sticky,
until doused with warm to hot water.

➔ Eat large quantities of vegetation or plant like material, since her diet is
no longer exclusive to mulberry leaves. Similarly, at her limit she is capable of
eating through small wooden structures.

➔ Her strength, is relatively normal for her size. It's enough for her move
and climb around on most surfaces with natural ease. Albeit, she's not that
agile.

➔ Thick skin, because being boneless doesn't always have it's perks, but
when you're this size something's got to be keeping you from falling to
pieces, not to mention protect you from all that wear and tear.

name change: MOTH GIRL_________________________________________

After her metamorphosis tucked away in her spun cocoon, Deroy would have
a much more human shaped body, with a few extra things of course. Her
extra appendages includes wings that hang down from her back, compound
eyes, a skin tone that is off, moths antennae and specialized hands and feet
adapt for climbing (they work roughly like how geckos would).
_______________________________________________________________
_________________________________________ Sidekick stage powers;

➔ Moth climbing ability, stick to walls, glass and stuff._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

➔ Has Night vision, although it takes a bit of effort not to be drawn in by __
bright lights.

➔ Can shed a fine skin irritating powder, don't let it get in your eyes folks! It
needs to be physically disturbed/moved to be released. It can be produced
in scalp.

✘ Has wings but not strong enough to fly, although she makes for a pretty
good fan (if you don't mind the irritant). Wings are delicate but heal fairly
quickly.
_______________________________________________________________
____________________________________________ Hero stage powers:

➔ Flight! At long last! _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

➔ More specialized sensory and detection, tremors through objects, certain
wavelengths through air.

➔ Powder can be produced at will._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

➔ Won't be drawn to light unless it's blinding. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

➔ She can aptly do the hand to hand combat thing. _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


How did your character get their powers: It's genetic. She was created
this way.

Personality: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Quirky, exuberant, childish, optimistic, imaginative, meddlesome, naive,

Deroy lives in the now, is friendly, fun loving, and eager. She's compliant to
those she regards as authority figures, and often times tries to exert her own
authority over those that she does not. She likes to make her points known.
She's a fighter. She's exuberant, strong willed and lively. She's at a point in
her life where she's beginning to wonder about things; about herself, others
and what her future holds as well as some of the where, why and whens of
her origin. Although her moral compass is a little off of North, she's optimistic
and believes in the good in others as well doing good herself. It also tends to
lead her into being naive. She believes in karma, and that people should
pick up were karma leaves off.

She's aware of the of her physical form though she often chooses to
take on a more delusional view of herself, often referring to herself as a pretty
little girl who does not have a problem with her outward appearance. She
considers herself to be a person, that or she would really like others to think
of her as one. Though she can handle herself and her necessities on her
own, she realizes that she's happiest (or would like it to be so). She tries to
make up for her difference with shear effort, which tends to make her
overbearing and a bit relentless.

She's not the most understanding or considerate person out there. More
often than not she says things without thinking. She's very imaginative and
enthusiastic, contributing ideas and solutions to problems in ways that fall
far from ideal or feasible. She's also rather intrusive.

Because of her upbringing, she's not very educated, at least not up to the
standards of normal people her age. Her knowledge of math ends with
simple multiplication and division. Her literacy is poor, though her language
skills and ability to grasp abstract ideas are fairly decent. Her logic is filled
with holes. Science and history wasn't in her curriculum. Where lessons
leave off her imagination kicks in. She is eager to learn, though much of
what she takes in is unlikely to be helpful. She'll cling to certain mannerisms
and well known sayings, using them often as a means of expressing herself.

It might seem she lives in her own groundless world, but more than anything
she wishes to live in a world with others.

She's a vegan by choice and preference. Although she is an omnivore, it
was a characteristic brought on by her partly human genetics. She likes
monitors and screens; moving pictures that emit light. She prefers television
over a computer, because she has a harder time operating a mouse and
keyboard. She has just about the same mental faculties and capabilities as
an average person. She's surprisingly well adept in social situations, for
someone of her upbringing.
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:39 am


General backstory: She recalls being raised in a laboratory. It was part of
a serious genetic experiment which was intended to create an optimal grade
of silk as well as increasing its annual yield. There was a demand for this
stuff that needed to filled. It lead to the creation of giant silkworms. These
original giants were very hard to control, being overly gluttonous. They were
just too hard to handle. Moderate intelligence was then added to their grand
design, that of a cat's or a dog's were tried. In this case, the worms were still
overly hungry and turned predatory. Some herbivores were attempted but
that trial also yielded undesirable results. More extreme measures were
needed, and the ambitious scientists would no longer settle for moderate
intelligence and thus, spiced in their own DNA; making a wry but somewhat
successful strain of human/silkworm hybrid.

The products of this venture were given moderate education. They developed,
physically at a much slower rate than previous versions. The Scientists
discovered that the worms could also produce a steady supply of silk
whenever they wished. It was a demonstration of just how conscious control
the worms had gained over their own bodies. Engrossed by how much
intelligence they'd given the creatures, the scientists had unwittingly taught
them more than they'd originally intended. For, the silk farming process
bares its largest yield when a worm enters it's pupae stage, its silk cocoon is
then submerged in warm water and then unspun, drowning the whatever's
inside in the process.

Deroy was not the first of her kind, nor was she the last, though there surely
wasn't going to be anymore of them after that. She's come believe that
those before her had something to with setting fire to and destroying the lab,
leading to her release and eventually into Sewit's vast sewer system.

+ + + + + + +

The scientists, at first, were very careful to limit outside influences from their
new intelligent subjects. Each worm was brought up separately in their own
enclosure by their assigned caretakers. Deroy was handled by a very
compassionate scientist; Mrs. Ellis Gourding. Who, believed in what she was
doing and raised her like almost like a daughter. It was her that first started
calling Deroy by a name rather than by her experiment code. This provided
Deroy with possibly the best case in which to be raised, given her situation.
Her caretaker was nurturing, careful and made quite the parent figure,
leading to Deroy's mental development to be somewhat similar to that of a
normal girl's. Although things were like this, Ellis always made an effort to set
boundaries for Deroy, boundaries that were already set past the 'standard'.
Both were well aware that the De was an 'experiment'.

Deroy was not fully aware of it, but there were others that were being
brought up in much worse cases than she. On the night of the freak fire, Mrs.
Gourding, who, instead of evacuating the premises with her associates
returned to release as many hybrids from their chambers as she could. She
did her best to inform Deroy that she had to leave the world she'd known,
that it was a box compared to the world, and that the world was much less
forgiving. Deroy took in the news with bright eyes and wonder, and made fast
with her exodus. She didn't fully comprehend what it all meant, but she took it
speedy strides, thinking she would do fine with fire. The fire itself she quickly
learned was beautiful, deadly even but still magical. It tore down her tiny
world and trusted her onto a new one. Yet still, almost all of the hybridized
brood perished that fateful night.

Deroy, who was much smaller at the time, had escaped relatively unscathed.
Her optimism lasted for about a day, after which confusion set in. She
roamed around thereafter looking quite fearful and lost on the surface,
as would any other survivors from that night. She was very rueful. She had
no known routes to follow and no roots remained to trace back to. A
determination to survive kicked in when she'd hit her most pitiful point. So the
world wasn't the shiny 'totally worth it' gem
she'd expected it to be, then
she'd face the storm with a storm of her own. It was a challenge to her being,
a resolution to survive to see better days. In part she actually blamed Ellis,
not for releasing her, but for the lack of proper instruction. Who knew when
they'd ever meet up again, or if she had even made it out of the fire. Either
way Deroy put the lack of further instruction at fault. If Ellis was dead she'd
miss her, and if she was alive and merely unreachable, she'd still miss her. It
wasn't something the recently resolved Deroy could afford fretting over. That
quite possibly was a luxury that better days had in store.

Many of the city's inhabitants reported sightings of Giant Worms hiding in
their alleyways, scaring the kids, wriggling over everything and tipping over
trashcans. Responding to the publics shock and dismay, any remaining
worms were sought after and caught and shortly thereafter, dealt with. At
least that's what everyone who's anyone knows, was told and believes.

The projects development ceased after that. Cancelled because of
surmounting to public pressure. When the people knew what was being
created behind closed doors, speculations and skepticism got out of hand.
The corporations that funded the research wanted little to do with it, hoping
that any memory of it would simply fade away with time. No one was
audacious or ambitious enough to push the project through themselves. It's
likely that all the hybrid worms that were made, would be all that there would
ever be or would've been.

Luckily for Deroy, she found her way down a manhole. Finding that Sewit's
sewer systems were surprisingly well kept and even spacious. Unsurprisingly
though, they were dark and dank and still had a odour to them. Not that she
had could complain, or had any means of really smelling it with. She also
found that sounds channelled remarkably well in particular places. At night,
one could even overhear conversations from street level. And so the
cavernous maze of piping became her home for several years following. She
stayed there in relative darkness, outgrowing the manholes that might one
day have served as her exits. She got fat off the scraps that people washed
down the drains and disposals. Unintentionally she'd scar the living daylights
out of sewage workers. Urban myths cycled and recycled, something a
monster living the sub levels of the city, in the sewers. Deroy caught wind of
these a few times, and thought that it would be best if she'd lived her days
without ever coming face to face with this horror. Albeit, her days of sewer
happiness were numbered, and incredibly lonely...

Strengths: Climbing, heights, scaling heights, eating a lot of plant-like
material, impromptu rope making, scaring people, good stability in high
winds.

Weaknesses: Tight spaces, machine operating, public places, a lack of
fingers, fast races and chases, birds, deep water, extreme temperatures,
feasts and famine.

Looks department:From end to end she's about 8 feet long, about 12 if she
chose to really stretch. Her eyes are beady black. Being a larvae Deroy has
quite a bit of girth to her. Unlike an actual Bombyx Mori larvae she only has
two sets of true legs (in the front) and four sets of prolegs (in the back).
Although her colourations remain more or less the same (can be different).
Her build is also shorter and stouter than a normal silkworm (so she's fatter
and doesn't appear freakishly long).

These are some simple design concepts;
User Image User Image <<-- This one's by Yulo 8D


And these are watermarked pictures of an actual Bombyx Mori. They're also
notably; not for the squeamish...
User Image User Image User Image User Image

 


Viink




Viink


PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:40 am


Extra Probably Noteworthy Stuff: I tried my best to keep her back story
making as much practical sense as possible. I've been playing with
character concept for quite some time; a misleading wormy exterior with a
adorably fiesty little girl inside. Honestly I had trouble having the personality
I'd wanted her to have be justified by her back story. Much of it may seem
like a stretch and a lot of it looks like it relied on luck putting her there. But
this a worm girl so... I tried, and thank you for reading.

I left some of her back story open ended because I wasn't sure how far I
could take it, or wasn't ready for concrete. Bad guys coming her same kind
of situation seem natural to me, Bad arse moth men looking to seek out
revenge or just destroy the humans that created them, who quite possibly
knew that they were going to be killed for their worth.
... and they'd be all like;
"Join us Deroy! You are one of us!" and she'd be all like; "What, no! These people are nice, and you're cray cray."


Lastly addressed, where the backstory leaves off, she's still stuck kin the
sewers. So how did she come to join SA? Umm, I was kinda hoping that the
rumours would stir up so much attention to warrant an investigation? And
that maybe it was best if it wasn't left up to normal people to do the
investigating... D; And after that, where else could she really go >.>?

What the future may or may not hold: She'll be a Moth Girl eventually,
probably in her sidekick stage and there on after. She will spin a cocoon, at
some point and then after a few weeks, emerge a a glorious humanoid! With
arms and legs and none of them extra, but they'll let her climb walls just the
same. She'd have wings that she can't quite fly with yet, also antennae and
compound eyes. She'll have to work to gain the ability to fly, since
domesticated silkworms were bred for silk yield; fatter was better and thus
they're largely flightless when in moth form (their wings where also shrunken
down). Not sure of that means I'll actually make fat (maybe pleasantly
chubby), or if she's just has small wings or not even. She'll probably still be
able to produce silk for her mouth at sidekick stage, and might not get to fly
until hero...

User Image
 
PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:12 am
Viink you finished! emotion_kirakira okay so i noticed the most obvious changes loool but forgive me if i missed any of your edits :3

So I read it and saw some of your notes about her personality, so i wanted to help you with that! I went into the section of how she was raised and was wondering about a bunch of things that didn't seem to connect with me;

Could you describe Mrs. Gourding to me more LOL
she was a compassionate scientist, right, and she raised Deroy with the amount of nurture that a compassionate mother would treat her own children, enough so that Deroy is quite social, open, outgoing, and positive about the world. But while raising Deroy, what intentions did she have?? did she want Deroy to be silk-farmed when she reached the pupae stage(was the scientist completely insane and had a split personality? xD )? was she against the procedures and planning to somehow free all the hybrids one day? did she really see deroy as a daughter?

Okay yeah for her personality, it's okay for her to be super cheerful and naive and all that stuff XD you don't have to take any of it out

but i think a good way to make her more well-rounded is to add more "facets" to her personality, like a different side to her personality that comes out whenever she sees something that reminds her of when the laboratory(her home) was burned down and she was separated from her only parental figure without so much as a good-bye, and on top of that, she doesn't even know what happened to her parent; that would be a good way to tie her into the backstory which she came from.

How did Deroy feel when she was separated from Mrs. Gourding? What did she think?? normally losing contact with your only parental figure would cause dramatic changes to ones' personality, or deep sadness or something, at least when you're thinking about them. maybe even insecurities about your self-worth, or extreme guilt for not being able to save her, or guilt for running away without looking for her, or even regret for not staying with mrs. gourding

How did Deroy feel/what did she think when suddenly the conditions of her living environment were suddenly turned upside down? Yeah i know she was frightful at first, but how long did it last? And from her experiences living off of scraps, seeing the scared reactions of people who saw her, and being viewed as a urban monster myth, how did Deroy feel about herself? How did she take it? Especially when she didn't have anybody else to talk to at the time to make it all make sense? Or is she just that naive/blocked it out of her mind for several years XD of course, it's also plausible that mrs. ellis gourding was such a great parental figure that deroy's self-esteem is untouchable. lol. and other people are just being crazy

so yeah that's all i have for now * u *  

Yulo-chan


Shnazz
Crew

PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 10:16 am
Hey Viink! *___*
I must say that I really, really do like your concept!
Especially about with the whole turning into a moth girl later.
So down to crit…

@Powers
Since she'll be becoming a moth girl later, I think you should write out what she'll be able to do. She'll essentially be changing her form a completely and I assume she'll be taking on different powers that suit her moth-form as well? This might be an issue because of the one main power policy, but it really depends on how you're gonna go about it I think? So if you can go into her sidekick/hero capabilities, that'd be grand! : D

@Personality
This really makes me curious about how she'll feel when she changes into a moth!

The only thing I'd like to note is at the end you say she's well adept in social situations, and yet she's overbearing and relentless? These things are contradicting in my mind, unless you meant surprisingly well adept for a silkworm girl. So if you could clarify this…! u__u;

I'm also really curious to see her develop in an atmosphere like SA, since she craves being around others.

@Backstory
I think you have some typos/grammar mistakes scattered around, so you should proofread it. u__u b

What happened to the scientists? Did they die too? Other than that Yulo also covered a lot of the questions I would've asked about her backstory and how she was feeling/dealing emotionally.
I think you did a good job in making it a practical background, so props! *__* b

@Extra Stuff
It's great that you're thinking about future plots! And it sounds good, you're not overstepping boundaries. So feel free to go down that path with the moth men if you decide on that!

On your note about SA, you can write that into her profile/backstory on how she came to SA if you do obtain your silkworm gal. Since you're required to write a journal entry on arriving at SA/how you got there etc. So no problems on that. (:

@Future
Like I mentioned above, please do map out her powers! It'll help us a lot on picturing her abilities/limits and etc. : D

That's about all I've got. I think you're pretty set with this once you get her powers/backstory updated with some of the crit. So that's exciting to consider! *__*

Side note, moths are cute. |:  
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 5:06 am
Yulo-chan
Viink you finished! emotion_kirakira okay so i noticed the most obvious changes loool but forgive me if i missed any of your edits :3

Haha, that's okay. I have a hard time keeping track too >.>;;

Quote:
So I read it and saw some of your notes about her personality, so i wanted to help you with that! I went into the section of how she was raised and was wondering about a bunch of things that didn't seem to connect with me;

Could you describe Mrs. Gourding to me more LOL
she was a compassionate scientist, right, and she raised Deroy with the amount of nurture that a compassionate mother would treat her own children, enough so that Deroy is quite social, open, outgoing, and positive about the world. But while raising Deroy, what intentions did she have?? did she want Deroy to be silk-farmed when she reached the pupae stage(was the scientist completely insane and had a split personality? xD )? was she against the procedures and planning to somehow free all the hybrids one day? did she really see deroy as a daughter?


Originally when the experiment began, Ellis was more straight laced and when they found out they'd created intelligent life, still. She was Deroy's caretaker from the start, and although she wasn't aware of it she grew very attached to the little larvae. The walls came down between the two of them. The more she interacted with Deroy, the more she realized what Deroy was capable of. She pitied the experiments, knowing full well what they where destined for. It could be that she took good care of Deroy out of guilt. She also feared what the worms might do if they ever found out. She did let it slip however, to Deroy, that she was an experiment, and that there were boundaries that they should be aware of. Though, Ellis never told Deroy what would become of her, and she never asked. It fell under 'boundaries as far either of them were concerned.

Ellis told her associates that, she was conducting a kind of experiment on her own; seeing how the worms responded to a positive upbringing. Which was a white lie. She needed an explanation to cover her actions, since every session was recorded and documented. And she'd heard worse justifications, from shadier scientists.

Ellis didn't want for the worms to be farmed, but she knew that it wasn't in her power to do anything that'd sway the decision. The intellect they'd given them was merely supposed to a tool for controlling, an easy means of fostering loyalty and obedience, a way to comprehend and react to discipline. Mrs. Gourding didn't intend for love to be a tool to change anyone's opinions, merely she'd wanted the worms, Deroy in this case to experience it's warmth before they had to go. Love held little scientific discourse, but she felt that it was humane and necessary

In a way, in her own way, she was plotting to try and free all the worms, but the plotting was just that. It remained in her head as a picturesque fantasy; she played with the idea but never acted on it, until the fateful fire.

She didn't see Deroy as her daughter persay, but more an estranged child she'd taken in. Sure there were times were they really felt like family, but there was a emotional line that Ellis didn't want to cross, or would never admit to herself that she'd crossed it.

What's become of her exactly, I haven't really made up my mind on. So I thought I'd leave it as a mystery for now~ >.>;


Quote:
Okay yeah for her personality, it's okay for her to be super cheerful and naive and all that stuff XD you don't have to take any of it out

but i think a good way to make her more well-rounded is to add more "facets" to her personality, like a different side to her personality that comes out whenever she sees something that reminds her of when the laboratory(her home) was burned down and she was separated from her only parental figure without so much as a good-bye, and on top of that, she doesn't even know what happened to her parent; that would be a good way to tie her into the backstory which she came from.


I have to most difficulty defining personalities and explaining them I think. X'D I did emphasize her bright liveliness, but she's also kind of headstrong, stubborn and a fighter. Her childishness could also translate into her being moody and hard to predict. She's a hard one to get down because she usually finds a way of turning that negative stuff into something something useful and motivating, in a positive light. She's only ever down when reality doesn't quite match her expectations. She values company and lives, so if neither of those things are stake, someone's got to pres pretty hard to get her to break down.

She blames Ellis, for not being better prepared actually, and not better preparing her for life outside. Although yes, it was one of those things that under normal circumstance should never concern her, she believes that if something was necessary it shoulder been taught/provided. A large part of it stems from her time on the surface, in the city, where she was (to a lesser extent) traumatized by being at an utter loss. She got through that by pinning her what she felt onto someone else. The only she felt like she cold blame was Mrs. Gourding, and specifically on her 'lack of instructions' and further instructions. Deroys believes that that's why she hasn't been able to meet up with Ellis since. Even if it's not the truth she relies on it to keep her going. Whether she's dead or alive and kicking is a mystery. If they do meet up again, Deroy might come apart at the seams. The good thing would be that who she considers to her mom will be there to help mend the tears.

Her biggest flaw isn't her tragic past or her missing pseudo mom but herself. What she is, how she looks, she's conscious of those things, who she is, and what she does, less so. If she can't avoid it, it's a challenge she'll just have to take on.

I added some bits to her backstory thanks to this~


Quote:

How did Deroy feel when she was separated from Mrs. Gourding? What did she think?? normally losing contact with your only parental figure would cause dramatic changes to ones' personality, or deep sadness or something, at least when you're thinking about them. maybe even insecurities about your self-worth, or extreme guilt for not being able to save her, or guilt for running away without looking for her, or even regret for not staying with mrs. gourding


I think I've adressed this in the previous part, or in the back story >.>? Here's a summary~

Um, the fire didn't start near Deroys room. When she was let out the the smoke was more of an direct threat, but she didn't let that get her down. Ellis said something about the world outside being much more than what she'd been accustomed to. Deroy was excited more than anything, even when Ellis was dire and direct. De had a thirst then that was greater than immediate threats and future plans. None of the expected feelings hit her until it really sunk in the she was lost and alone. She pinned her ordeals on Ellis without really delving into their source. It helped get her through it and cancel out any grieving she would've had for the scientist all the while.


Quote:
How did Deroy feel/what did she think when suddenly the conditions of her living environment were suddenly turned upside down? Yeah i know she was frightful at first, but how long did it last? And from her experiences living off of scraps, seeing the scared reactions of people who saw her, and being viewed as a urban monster myth, how did Deroy feel about herself? How did she take it? Especially when she didn't have anybody else to talk to at the time to make it all make sense? Or is she just that naive/blocked it out of her mind for several years XD of course, it's also plausible that mrs. ellis gourding was such a great parental figure that deroy's self-esteem is untouchable. lol. and other people are just being crazy


The scraps was a vast improvement from being out on the streets, at least that's how she sees it. She hated not being able to properly comunicate with people, when she was in the city. They just screamed and ran away, some even turned hostile. Those factor and additional ones, like how she didn't know where to get food. At least in the sewer it was kind of abundant. everything just fed into one place other another. The city as in her first experience was truly the worst. She might've known the word for 'building' but never really encountered one until then.

All those new things and no one the help her understand them. All those new places that would've otherwise been great, if people could stand her being there. There was her inability and there was her outward appearance, she felt singled out and beaten and it was possibly the worst. Actually to this day she's never met another worm face to face...

You could say that because there anyone to talk it over with, that she was left to her own devices, most of them probably being delusions.


Quote:
so yeah that's all i have for now * u *

Awesome. Let me know if I missed anything!
Super thanks again for the crit!

come back and crit again soon~? X'D  


Viink




Viink


PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 3:40 am
Hey Shnazz. :B

Shnazz
@Powers
Since she'll be becoming a moth girl later, I think you should write out what she'll be able to do. She'll essentially be changing her form a completely and I assume she'll be taking on different powers that suit her moth-form as well? This might be an issue because of the one main power policy, but it really depends on how you're gonna go about it I think? So if you can go into her sidekick/hero capabilities, that'd be grand! : D


Oh, whoops. Um, I guess I kind of see it as her being a moth person as the power, would that work >.>? I put up a section for a quick ref of future powers in the power section... Let me know!

Quote:
@Personality
This really makes me curious about how she'll feel when she changes into a moth!

The only thing I'd like to note is at the end you say she's well adept in social situations, and yet she's overbearing and relentless? These things are contradicting in my mind, unless you meant surprisingly well adept for a silkworm girl. So if you could clarify this…! u__u;

I'm also really curious to see her develop in an atmosphere like SA, since she craves being around others.


I put socially adept as meaning, well yeah, considering what she is and where she's been. I might've put that in 'cause I got it mixed up with cultural references too. Well I went through that section and hopefully cleared up any misunderstandings, though I really should just sort the whole thing out better X'P

I'm really looking forward to having her interacting with others, and others's reactions to her X'D


Quote:
@Backstory
I think you have some typos/grammar mistakes scattered around, so you should proofread it. u__u b

What happened to the scientists? Did they die too? Other than that Yulo also covered a lot of the questions I would've asked about her backstory and how she was feeling/dealing emotionally.
I think you did a good job in making it a practical background, so props! *__* b


Firstly, I'll make sure to do that ( u .u)b and thanks!

Second, I'll be addressing what happened to the scientists.

They survived the ordeal! Whether or not they've gone through fatal ordeals since is...life after the fact. With the exclusion of Ellis Gourding, who's fate will be shrouded in mystery until I'm sold on what I should do with her. Presumably, she should be alive and kicking too, maybe feeling a overly guilty about the whole thing and trying find a bright side/ some justice to the ordeal.

The other scientists where too ashamed to have their research let loose onto world to continue with the projects development. Even they weren't feeling ashamed, the project was cancelled due to public pressure. When the people knew what was being created behind closed doors, speculations and skepticism got out of hand. The corporations that funded the research had to pull out, and no one was audacious or ambitious enough to push the project through all by their lonesome...

I'll add this into her back story


Quote:
@Extra Stuff
It's great that you're thinking about future plots! And it sounds good, you're not overstepping boundaries. So feel free to go down that path with the moth men if you decide on that!

On your note about SA, you can write that into her profile/backstory on how she came to SA if you do obtain your silkworm gal. Since you're required to write a journal entry on arriving at SA/how you got there etc. So no problems on that. (:


Awesome. * u* I'll be looking forward to it!!

Quote:
@Future
Like I mentioned above, please do map out her powers! It'll help us a lot on picturing her abilities/limits and etc. : D

That's about all I've got. I think you're pretty set with this once you get her powers/backstory updated with some of the crit. So that's exciting to consider! *__*


Addressed~ Though it's pretty brief bit expanding on the issue, let me know if it needs more beefing detail! I should update the extra/future post too now... X'P

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Side note, moths are cute. |:


Heck yeah they are 8'D
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Thank you for the crit =)
 
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 7:33 am
Hey Viink.
Just wanted to let you know I looked over the changes and everything, it's all good to go!

Though I would suggest putting in some of the information you wrote up to Yulo's crit into your actual backstory cause I couldn't find it there before. Maybe I'm just blind. Been really tired lately so I may have overpassed it. u___u;;
But anyway... I'll just go ahead and pop this here.....

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Shnazz
Crew

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