|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:27 pm
So I realize most of you will be incredibly biased. Maybe not.
But I need advice.
I will try super hard to sound a bit... fair. Two names are replaced XD
In the beginning of May I entered a relationship with my now ex, ... *squint* Anthy. We dated up until a few days ago, when I got tired of him being so controlling about who I was talking to. He's old school hopeless romantic. But he's also possessive, clingy, controlling, and pessimistic. ONLY when he feels threatened by other guys. Otherwise he's seriously cute, adorable, sweet, and nice. He lives on my property (since I can't say he's in MY house) which is out in the middle of nowhere. We drive together to work and school. It's mildly awkward because of Jay.
I met Jay online through a friend. We're rooming at Kumoricon, and he's coming down from Seattle to visit me in Seaside tomorrow. We get along just fine, he's four years or so older than me though. He has a massive crush on me, and I kinda like him back. He listens to me spazz out, and helps calm me down. We text all the flipping time. This makes Anthy unhappy.
And then we have our dear Twi. Hi Twi. Please don't fuss. Anyway. XD I've known Twi for about six years. I wanna say my birthday is when we met. o.o" anyhoooo. He's always been there for me, even if we've bickered. He understands me the best. And he's patient. Incredibly patient. I wish I could say the same for myself. Twi is coming to visit me / live in Oregon sometime soon. Finally fulfilling a six year long promise to me by doing so btw (please hold him to it guys).... I love him dearly and he'll always have a place in my heart.
Anthy is jealous of Twi and Jay. Jay hates Anthy and doesn't know of Twi. Twi. Well he's Twi. XD
And I'm stuck here. Wondering what to do. I still love Anthy, though he makes me sad and caged with his nervousness. Jay lives miles away and has unrealistic expectations. Twi... is Twi. XD
What do. x.x
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:53 pm
There is nothing wrong with still loving Anthy. I just don't think from the way you talk about him that he's right for you. He's controlling and he makes you feel sad and caged. That's not a good thing. Since you are out of that relationship, my advice is to stay out.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:57 pm
hoshinami There is nothing wrong with still loving Anthy. I just don't think from the way you talk about him that he's right for you. He's controlling and he makes you feel sad and caged. That's not a good thing. Since you are out of that relationship, my advice is to stay out. it makes me rather depressed though, to see him so sad all the time. I can't handle that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:11 pm
Ah, so you are the beloved friend Chief is going to see in Oregon. If that's the case, I shall help as much as I can (whether the advice is ignored like I'm an imbecile or taken with some serious note, its your choice really). I'll call Twi Chief since my other name was TwilightBond so I hope you understand it'll be weird if I call Chief Twi and my last nickname was Twi >_<
Let's start with Anthy. Obviously, you are having a bit of an issue with him and I understand your position. He is one of those guys that are "My girl. Don't touch or even look at her" kind of guys... which is more of a bad thing in the long run in a relationship. Although most of us will go for a break-up, I'm suggesting an alternative but keep the break-up as a Plan B or A even. You can come up with some sort of even ground with Anthy that Jay and Twi are just coming down to visit for a few days and chat about whatever you chat about. He can come and meet the guys if he doesn't make the two uncomfortable or really tense. I'm sure there would be SOMETHING that they have in common to have Anthy be, more or less, comfortable with two guys with his girl (in this case, you). Tell/Demand/Ask Anthy to give you some breathing space because this is a typical guy habit when he gets a girlfriend. Communication is key and if he doesn't/won't understand, then you know what to do. Either break up with him (since he's living in your property, be temporary roommates until he leaves) or come to an understanding that he should back off once in awhile and tell him that you can also think for yourself (which is a risky move since who knows what is going on his head).
Jay could also be a potential problem in this scenario. You text him Quote Quote, "all the flipping time". That is an issue that you should resolve quickly to Anthy so that there won't be any fist fights of ANY sorts. If Jay doesn't know about Chief either, that could be a potential issue. In some weird case that Chief is coming down to Oregon where Anthy and Jay are on bad terms already, that's just going to make the situation more on the aggressive side. A three way fight of guys isn't as entertaining as you might think. If he has unrealistic expectations, tell him what's going on. It won't hurt you to and it'll bring him down to earth... probably a couple notches. But, I also read that Jay is also a bit older than you. You may be cool with that, but I'm sure as hell Anthy isn't for some guy-ish reasons that are just plain... idiotic and aggravating. I think you already know some of those reasons.
Chief... is an unknown factor really. Knowing him, he'll go with the flow of events and think of something on the spot when he's up there. Just tell him what is going on in your daily life and you'll be fine with him.
If I'm missing some factor that I skipped, do tell. I won't mind giving some options (I don't give "advice" per say since its your choice to pick or alter whatever I typed down) for you to do. Remember, its your choice that matter and counts. Cliche, I know. But, its one of the important rules to remember and lots of people always forget that rule. Have nice evening.
-Twi (or whatever nickname you prefer to call me by ^_^)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:21 pm
I dunno, most of the time when I had to break things off with clingy guys, or even let clingy guys know I wasn't interested, they would always be really sad and it would make me feel guilty. Maybe you should just wait and see what happens when your friends visit. Interacting in person may or may not change things. But I think the most important part is to try and be honest before everything goes down. And by honest I mean letting everyone know how you feel/why things bother you and that there are other guys. This is especially important to communicate to Anthy since he'll likely feel even more territorial since he lives the closest to you and had actually dated you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:33 pm
I think that we may have missed that I DID break it off with Anthy. DX sorry guys
And from my knowledge Twi (cheif) is plain moving here
since oregon is saucesom n all XD
but yeh. Sorry I have a stress migraine. So im short and kid like rn
But anthy is too meek to physically fight anyway o.o
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:41 pm
Con Dolore -reborn- I think that we may have missed that I DID break it off with Anthy. DX sorry guys And from my knowledge Twi (chief) is plain moving here since oregon is awesomesauce n all XD but yeh. Sorry I have a stress migraine. So im short and kid like rn But anthy is too meek to physically fight anyway o.o That's alright. If Anthy is meek to physically fight, why the f*** is he the clingy type. That just wants me to kick his scrawny a**. Anyways, I've never been to Oregon since I'm so used to Texas. I might go to Oregon one day... as a tourist razz That stress migraine... Just enjoy the fact that you don't have a clingy boyfriend. It won't go away but the pain should dull on that fact. Mind if I ask (if its personal, just say so), how did you get Chief to move to Oregon with you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:58 pm
Whoa whoa!
-Stumbles in mistakenly and glances around quickly-
I...I'll just leave this one to the ladies...
-Slowly backs out-
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:36 am
Bunneh-Auron Whoa whoa!
-Stumbles in mistakenly and glances around quickly-
I...I'll just leave this one to the ladies...
-Slowly backs out- This really made me laugh out loud in RL rofl First you have to find out what it is you want in life. I do not just mean what do you want from guys. Right now may not be the time to stress out over 'boys'. Maybe you need to focus on some other aspect of your life instead. Relationships are complicated and require a lot of time, attention and work... regardless of the type of relationship it is, even for simple friendships. Second, don't try to make more out of friendships than they need to be. There is nothing wrong with having many friends of the opposite sex without ever taking the relationship beyond just friends. It should not matter what sex someone is when it comes to friendships, just be happy you have people you enjoy in your life and they enjoy being in your life, too! Now for the hard question(s)... Do you honestly want something more from the other two guys, than as just friends right now? If so, what is it you are wanting (someone to date/go out with, something long-term like 5+ years but not thinking about marriage/lifetime commitments, or a serious, committed relationship)? (you do not have to answer any of this online, this is for you to think about and answer for yourself) Once you start to answer those questions, also take into consideration what that means to the guys. It might make things easier for all if you talk to each one personally about what you think of them and how they affect your life and also what you think they would/could be for your future. Listen to their thoughts and opinions. Be honest with yourself and them, after all, you want them to be honest to you! As for your ex, it sounds like he does not make you happy most of the time. It sounds like it is a good thing you two are not together anymore. If you want to remain friends with him, I would suggest trying not to do too much with him for awhile first. Let him deal with the breakup first and come to terms with the fact that you are not his girl anymore, nor his to protect, and that you will be doing things with other guys. I know it will be difficult with him being in your life constantly. Good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:56 am
Bunneh-Auron Whoa whoa!
-Stumbles in mistakenly and glances around quickly-
I...I'll just leave this one to the ladies...
-Slowly backs out- ROFLMAOOO rofl rofl
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:45 pm
I think i am too late but here are my two cents. smile
Remember..in no way you shouldn't feel guilty for Anthy being sad at the moment. It's only natural when a breakup happens one part will feel more sad than the other.
And God forbid do not make the mistake to go back at him because of how sad you see him be. I've been there and it was the worst mistake of my life.
I kept going back eventually out of pity for that person. And there is nothing worse.
I totally agree with RoseRoyal.Everything they said is in my opinion straight right.
You take care of yourself now. <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:50 pm
Here's my two cents:
Being single isn't a bad thing. There's more important things than finding a significant other. I'd focus on your life and work and whatnot, then get back to relationships.
Just enjoy your alone time. Time where you can just lay there and do nothing or play video games or whatever you want.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:51 pm
._.
.....
you women know me so well. xp
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 7:27 am
Twin-Lit Blade Con Dolore -reborn- I think that we may have missed that I DID break it off with Anthy. DX sorry guys And from my knowledge Twi (chief) is plain moving here since oregon is awesomesauce n all XD but yeh. Sorry I have a stress migraine. So im short and kid like rn But anthy is too meek to physically fight anyway o.o That's alright. If Anthy is meek to physically fight, why the f*** is he the clingy type. That just wants me to kick his scrawny a**. Anyways, I've never been to Oregon since I'm so used to Texas. I might go to Oregon one day... as a tourist razz That stress migraine... Just enjoy the fact that you don't have a clingy boyfriend. It won't go away but the pain should dull on that fact. Mind if I ask (if its personal, just say so), how did you get Chief to move to Oregon with you? *sweatdrop* yeeeeeessss... how did I? Haha. We used to date. We're super ******** close too. And a long time ago he promised to visit me. Well now he's moving here. >3<
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 7:31 am
Also, an update. Jay is flipping amazing. @.@
and I know that I want to do more with my life. I am in college right now and will plan to go to university once that creeps closer. (Heeeehhhhh)
and yet I have no idea what I want to be XD
i've just known that since I was a little girl I wanted to be with a nice guy and be married. *blink*
my mom's a housewife. So that might be a factor. x.x
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
