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 Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:14 pm
When I say "plural marriages," I was trying to come up with a concise term to encompass a man marrying multiple women, a woman marrying multiple men, any combination thereof, and swinging.
Common in some religions and cultures, frowned upon and/or banned in others... What do you guys think? How do you feel about these things?
Personally, I would not participate in any of these, but if everyone is consenting adults and everyone is honest and okay about what is going on, I have no problem with others' doing it.
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:39 pm
well, the way i see it, Marriage is simply an institution, a method of making non-blood related family for purposes of finances, or confedntiality, or custody of children, or ownership of possessions. it realy has nothing to do with love or romance, though it can. it should be taken seriously, thought about, understood, and respected as a responcibility not to be wasted or done lightly. but if all in agreement want to have a "plural marriage" as you called it, there is no reason they shouldn't be able to.
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:47 pm
Marriage is largely religious, and is common in all religions. I think. It was the Catholic church that integrated it into law.
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:20 pm
I have no problem with it, and I wouldn't mind enetering into such a situation myself. Of course, it's not exactly normal, and would be frowned on in western society, but I'm already bisexual, so I'd probably ruffle the exact same feathers.
Polygyny is quite an interesting concept. Polygamy is less desirable to me than polyandry, for I am female. (Polygamy is a man having multiple spouses and polyandry is a woman having multiple spouses)
In a perfect world, I'd have a german husband, a german wife and a norwegian husband.
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 8:34 pm
Whatever works for some cultures then go for it.
As for me personally I could never be in a plural marriage. I am too selfish about my husbands affection towards me and I couldn't ever share it with another women. I would feel cheated and replaced. If plural marriage was ever brought up and it was suggested that I practice it, I'd end up leaving the marriage all together rather than share my house with another wife or husband.
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 12:39 am
Broken_Penguin_Man Marriage is largely religious, and is common in all religions. Actually, it's not common in all religions. In Ancient Egypt, for example, marriage was a social institution and was performed by today's equivalent of running to the courthouse. Priests couldn't be bothered with creating and performing marriage rites. Their work was making sure the Gods were happy. Back to the topic: I say if people can approach the relationships without jealousy, possessiveness, or any sort of hang-up like that more power to them. I know I can't, but who am I to mandate that stuff?
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 1:16 am
I personally strongly dislike this; what love is to me is that the person is a special one to me and I'm special for him. Something with complete dedication and emotial closeness. This kind of love is possible just between two persons, the way I feel about it. [And I know I'm a minority who has this belief; compared not only to different cultures in different periods and areas, but even to people in current modern world. ]
I can see that this is different in cultures where people are used to women not being respected as equals and seen as a mere property/servant/tool for sex and babies. With such an attitude of course you won't have a problem having multiple wives. But if you truly love and respect your partner, you won't go have another one [whether legally or "only" as a lover. ]
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 3:51 am
Luz Melian I personally strongly dislike this; what love is to me is that the person is a special one to me and I'm special for him. Something with complete dedication and emotial closeness. This kind of love is possible just between two persons, the way I feel about it. [And I know I'm a minority who has this belief; compared not only to different cultures in different periods and areas, but even to people in current modern world. ] I can see that this is different in cultures where people are used to women not being respected as equals and seen as a mere property/servant/tool for sex and babies. With such an attitude of course you won't have a problem having multiple wives. But if you truly love and respect your partner, you won't go have another one [whether legally or "only" as a lover. ] i can actually argue this on severel points, respectfully of course. smile let's see... 1.) the kind of love you are talking about, so far i have not experienced anything to deny that much... it is true... i can be in love with multiple people, and in lust with them at teh same time, and honestly care abut them fully, devote myself to them, and be there for them. but truely, not to the point of specifically wanting to marry them for any reason other than the legal benefits. it seems the only time i have realy not had cold feet about that is when i was absolutely completely and wholeheartedly in heartbreaking love, which has only ever been for two people, and which i could not consider having it remain equal to both them at the same time, in the same relationship. that just... doesn't happen. however, as i said before, i do not believe that marriage nessesarilly has anything to do with love anyway, and that i find the whole idea that it does to be bth ignorant and rediculous, though in a sweet way. 2.) an emotional closeness with peopl, a care and love, an honest ability to give your EVERYTHING to them unconditionally, and to share this feeling with multiples... is by all means plausible, possible, and it happens everyday. it is called Polyamory, and i am of it's lifstyle, along with many MANY others who also are. but please, don't think that you ar a minority to think how you do... maybe you are in actuallity, but at the very least the majority of people profess to think that same way that you do about it. 3.) believe it or not, most cultures that believe in Polygamy/Polygymy actually show MUCH greater respect for women, and oftentimes complete sexual equallity both ways, than those which do not. the whole idea of marriage origionated from teh idea of pairing off men and women to make babies and raise population. it was nothing more than a mechanic for benefitting society, and people were seen as pieces of the machine that made up life. 4.) who says that having multiple other lovers, bedmates or spouses is an afront to the person you love? the important part is if it is mutally accepted, embraced, and agreed upon. and of course by this i do not mean compromise, or giving a little to keep her lover around... i'm talking about her realy not minding at all, or even being specifically happy with it for whatever reasons. it can, and does, happen!
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:49 am
Yeah I can't argue against the willingness to be in this lifestyle because it's very much a matter of individual feelings; it's something I don't understand and wouldn't want because of my different ideas about love. This deep love is rare to find, but I believe I have it now, and I want to belong fully to this person, no other.
Marriage wasn't always about love, but in these times and at least on the continet I live, it usually is now, and it is generally believed that marriage should be motivated by love, otherwise why marry and live with a person you don't love? Staying single is a valid option now, even for women, so they don't have to get married in order to survive because they can get education, a job, and live on their own until they find someone they really love and want to be with.
I don't understand why cultures that practice polygamy would have a greater respect for women. Think of the islamic world; that was actually what I had in mind because I'm not familiar with other polygamous cultures. Like I said before, in many cases a woman there = maid, tool for sex and babies, very restricted personal freedom, can't decide about her own life. That's not respect.
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:53 am
i hear ya, and gotta say i respect that and understand it fully. for the same reason i get jealous over the thought of my Mistress abandoning me the way my last one did. xd of course i know bette, and a so glad that i am her only kept pet.
though actually, you ar completely mistaken about Islam dear. Muslim women are actually quite respected, seen as equal to men, and given specific privaleges and rights that Muslim men are not. they are FAR from considered babie-making machines.
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:56 am
I have to say I am pretty surprised by the attitudes here. ^_^ I've always been under the impression that (at least in the US) the majority are monogamists.
While I've seen these things work for others, I am way too jealous to share my husband with anyone else, and too focused on him to give someone else proper care and attention.
The funny thing about polygamy is that although to many outsiders it looks like the women really get the short end of the stick... Have you ever been in a household of women with one guy? More often than not, he is totally overwhelmed with their scheming. He caters to them, not the other way around usually. rofl
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:00 am
alteregoivy I have to say I am pretty surprised by the attitudes here. ^_^ I've always been under the impression that (at least in the US) the majority are monogamists. While I've seen these things work for others, I am way too jealous to share my husband with anyone else, and too focused on him to give someone else proper care and attention. The funny thing about polygamy is that although to many outsiders it looks like the women really get the short end of the stick... Have you ever been in a household of women with one guy? More often than not, he is totally overwhelmed with their scheming. He caters to them, not the other way around usually. rofl that's very true, but i like to think it says alot about my personality that i can cater to the needs of multiple women, wait on them hand and foot, become a kept pet, and still hold Dominance over my own Slaves as well, along with my masculinity. smile though squeeing about a shopping trip and then fretting over my forgotten pumpkin brownies is much fun too! xd
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:06 am
alteregoivy The funny thing about polygamy is that although to many outsiders it looks like the women really get the short end of the stick... Have you ever been in a household of women with one guy? More often than not, he is totally overwhelmed with their scheming. He caters to them, not the other way around usually. rofl I guess this would work with women who are able to see each other as partners too; but not a jealous one like me who'd see them as a threat. I don't want to share, or to be shared! Chieftain Twilight though actually, you ar completely mistaken about Islam dear. Muslim women are actually quite respected, seen as equal to men, and given specific privaleges and rights that Muslim men are not. they are FAR from considered babie-making machines. All I have read about this was talking about miserable experience of muslim women. Do you have some accurate links that would describe how women are respected and equal? If I have distorted views, I'd like to learn something new that would change my mind if I can see that I'm wrong.
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:21 am
Polygamy is not cool by Jewish Law. Therefore, I would never, ever participate in it.
However, for those of us who don't have Religious problems with it, I personally see no Moral problem with it.
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Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:47 am
I'm in full support of Polygamy. So long as all parties are in agreement about it, and it's not going over the head of one of the participants, I have no problems. Only problem is that there would be relationships where one person wanted to be Monogamist, but another wanted plurality, and would tell the other that "Either you be with me and her(and her and her and her), or you can't be with me at all. Then again, there will always be controlling relationships.
My Wife and I are both accepting of Polygamy, but she doesn't want to share, so we're Monogamous.
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