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[NPC] ElfTech977

PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 5:00 pm
Monday, November 14th, 2005

a wise man does not try to create a wall of knowledge around himself:

whatever may happen .. allow it to happen .. then let it go .. empty your cup .. clear your mind .. by dying to the past one can live on in the present .. the here and now .. as if just born for the first time.

this is a proclamation of trust .. and i will go on trusting:

despite any experience .. if i am deceived .. i go on trusting .. the people that take advantage of that trust .. they are the ones i feel compassion for .. that which is truly mine can never be taken from me and in my trust i can never be corrupted.

the honorable Mr. Claus is a wise and noble man .. i know .. in the end he will see to it that all is made well .. his words have guided me in the past .. and his very existence inspires me today .. i would trust that man with my life.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 12:57 pm
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005

if one focuses on the external one is prone to judgment .. trapped in the illusions of the mind .. do not look outside for what is real .. instead look inside.

Mr Claus spoke to us today .. i still feel empty and afraid .. perhaps i will seek council with him this evening .. if only he wasn't so busy.

[NPC] ElfTech977

[NPC] ElfTech977

PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 4:10 pm
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005

A teacher is never a giver of truth, he is a guide, a pointer to the truth that each student must find for himself. A good teacher is merely a catalyst.

someone reminded me of this today .. perhaps i have placed too much dependency on Mr. Claus .. i should reflect on this and not trouble him with my petty worrying ..  
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 11:27 pm
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005

good - bad .. sinful - pure .. these are judgments constructed in the mind .. born from conditioning, not from awareness or mindfulness .. only through mindful being can we ever hope to achieve right action.

Mr. Claus is a better elf than i by far .. the 'list' this year has been made, but not yet checked twice .. i have been with Mr. Claus in years past .. as he checked the list .. wise and understanding .. weighing without passing judgment .. this year he is so busy .. i can only hope i am elf enough to have done half as good a job.

now it is late .. this long day has made me tired to the bones.

[NPC] ElfTech977

[NPC] ElfTech977

PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 12:52 am
Friday, November 18th, 2005

life isn't a business to be managed .. it's a mystery to be lived.

i have journeyed to the end of the 'list' .. i can attest that it has been checked no less than two times .. another long day for this elf .. off to bed for me .. the implements of doom and destruction themselves could crash down around me and not bring me to wake.  
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:46 pm
Friday, November 18th, 2005

violence .. anger .. rage .. these often exist as masks .. obscuring pain and hurt .. as if the act of frightening others away from us will save us from further pain .. but it is the armor we wear that prevents our healing .. its rough edges that reopen our wounds.

my dreams this week .. i never remember being so overwhelmed by them before .. last night i was surrounded by this huge .. thing .. ... .. no .. it was two separate things .. only they were so intertwined .. in alignment with each other .. then they became two distinct things .. polar opposites .. in an instant.

wherever they touched .. it felt like everything was being torn apart .. i was trapped in the middle if it .. them .. ... .. no .. everyone .. everything was there .. we were all so small .. so afraid .. these forces were going to destroy us .. extinguish the light from the world.

through my tears .. there was a flicker .. a trick of the slowly fading light being engulfed by the spreading darkness .. the flicker was suddenly a beacon .. cleaving the darkness in two .. freeing us all .. ... .. the 'things' .. they .. ... .. i can only say that sometimes 'opposite' is just a 180 degree turn away.

i woke crying .. not tears of despair or fear .. but of joy .. of release.

[NPC] ElfTech977

[NPC] ElfTech977

PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 4:28 pm
Sunday, November 20th, 2005

a master does not teach the truth .. truth cannot be taught .. it is a thing beyond any ability to place into words .. only an energy that provokes an energy in you.

i wanted to share a small memory from some years ago:

i had been trying to figure out, for some time, the relationship between Mr. Claus and the other keepers of the december holiday ..

Mr Claus was deep into the second check when i asked him about Sinterklaas, and Father Christmas, Julenissen, and Sing dan lo ian .. he peered at me over the top of the list .. it was as if a twinkle in his eye somehow became an ear to ear grin on both of our faces .. his grin in that instant was rolling laughter thrumming through the room .. shaking the ground beneath us .. ... .. his laughter still echoing down distant corridors, he said to me in a gentle voice, 'I am known by many names.'

(thank you to the friend that reminded me of this memory)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 9:34 pm
Sunday, November 20th, 2005

i have received a great number of warnings in the past week.

... 013 'disappeared'

I wouldn't be so trusting if I were you


Don't let S Corp cloud your thinking ... there is way too much chaos and confusion.

protect yourself ...

... reassure me that the problems are all under control

I'm worried about you. Something seems wrong about S-Corp this year. I've heard horrible rumors.

... be careful, alright

to answer the concerns of these and others who have expressed their worry i have included a short fable a teacher of mine once told me a long time ago:

see next ...

[NPC] ElfTech977

[NPC] ElfTech977

PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 9:34 pm
... continued (11-20-05 9:35pm)

in the countryside of japan there was a small village nestled under the shadow of a small mountain .. the mountain, while neither beautiful nor impressive, befitted the village in its humble presence .. on the outskirts of the village stood a small farm in which lived an old man.

the old man tended to his farm, and kept mostly separate from the village and its villagers while the village and its villagers mostly left the old man alone.

it came to pass that a terrible storm swept the countryside .. its drenching rain and powerful wind bent the bamboo and shook the walls of the meager houses of the village.

in the aftermath of the storm the villagers saw that the fence surrounding the old man's field had been destroyed in many places and his horse had run away .. feeling sorry for the old man they came to him saying, 'we are so sorry that this horrible thing has happened to you; you are a good man and do not deserve this misfortune.'

the old man laughed.

'misfortune? i only know that my fence is damaged and my horse is no longer in my field. we can not know what this means, only that this is. we will see.'

so when, several days later, by the time the morning sun had risen .. the old man's horse had returned bringing with it eight magnificent wild horses .. the villagers were astounded.

'we apologize, we did not know the future, you were right. you are very wise to have known this would happen. please forgive us for doubting. you are most certainly deserving of this good fortune.'

'good fortune?'

again the old man laughed.

'i can only say that my horse has come back to me bringing with it eight wild horses; i do not know what this will mean tomorrow. we will see.'

it was only later that week the old man's son was thrown while trying to break in one of the wild horses .. both of his legs were broken and the village doctor said that the old man's son would most likely be crippled for life.

'you were right all along, this whole thing has proved itself to be a curse. now your son is crippled and will never be able to ride a horse again. we are so sorry.'

but the old man simply laughed.

'a curse you say? i say only that my son was thrown from a horse and has broken his legs. no one knows how this will shape the future. we will see.'

only days later a war broke out far to the north .. the emperor decreed that all able bodied young men were to be sent off to fight in the war .. many of the villagers sons were killed.

see next ...
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 9:35 pm
... continued (11-20-05 9:35pm)

we can never know what today's events will become tomorrow .. i am certain as the future unfolds things will get much better .. i am also sure that things will become much worse .. like the waves on the ocean constantly rising and constantly falling .. this too will pass .. this too will become something else .. the only thing i can be certain tomorrow will bring is change.  

[NPC] ElfTech977

[NPC] ElfTech977

PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 2:37 am
Monday, November 21th, 2005

edna st. vincent millay
We shall learn nothing; or we shall learn it too late. Why should we wait
For Death, who knows the road so well? ...

another dream tonight .. ... .. no .. this one .. this one was worse .. a nightmare perhaps .. i can only remember screaming .. terror .. blood .. ... .. so vivid .. so overwhelming .. by the way my hands still shake i am certain the parts i do not remember are infinitely worse.

the top of the wave has passed .. it is falling now .. how far down does this wave go?
PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 10:37 pm
Monday, November 21th, 2005

... this is the only distinction between the dream and the real: reality allows you to doubt, and the dream does not allow you to doubt....

i have reason to believe my incoming messages are being tampered with .. the number of concerned gaians i have received warnings from has been rising almost everyday .. today i received none .. many of the messages i have received look like they have been censored in one way or another .. all of them show signs of having been scanned or read.

to test this theory .. i sent myself a pm with a 'sniffer' embedded in it .. sure enough .. not only did the message take almost 10 minutes to make its 'round trip' .. the log shows that it was opened multiple times by computers in at least two distinct locations within the facility.

i will go on trusting .. uncorrupted .. the enlightened fool .. but i am not stupid .. 571 once taught me the amusement of a good late night stroll .. maybe it's time to see if i still remember the things he's taught me about the security grid.

... the search for personal knowing is very, very hazardous. Nobody can guarantee it. If you ask me if I can guarantee anything, I say I can not guarantee you anything. I can only guarantee danger, that much is certain. I can only guarantee you a long adventure with every possibility of going astray and never reaching the goal. But one thing is certain: the very search will help you grow. I can guarantee only growth. Danger will be there, sacrifice will be there; you will be moving every day into the unknown, into the uncharted, and there will be no map to follow, no guide to follow. Yes there are millions of dangers and you can go astray and you can get lost, but that is the only way one grows ... To accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.

[NPC] ElfTech977

[NPC] ElfTech977

PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 12:06 am
Thursday, November 24th, 2005

Do you think I know what I'm doing?
That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?
As much as a pen knows what it's writing,
or the ball can guess where it's going next.

.. cannot .. will not .. have not slept .. a dream woke me on monday .. should not sleep ..

i .. 'explored' .. sublevels .. all of them .. more than i thought we had .. they kept making more .. more than i could get to .. i've still seen too much .. more than i can understand .. more than i could hope to explain .. i lived in the ventilation ducts for awhile .. where no one could see me .. missed a day at work and no one noticed .. stumbled through a crowd .. a water cooler pretending to be santa lied to me and tried to buy my silence with silver .. i like the yetis that sit on your head ..
but not the ones that make you bleed .. forgot to eat lunch .. twice .. collapsed in my bed ..

.. cannot .. will not .. should not ..
PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 2:33 am
Sunday, November 27th, 2005

Matsuo Basho
Tabi ni yande
yume wa kareno o

back down .. into the clockwork dungeon .. a task is there that needs my doing .. under the darkness .. thick and tactile with infrared .. ... .. shifting blue .. i fly .. electronic eyes blind .. shifting red .. i am away and past .. further through .. oscillating at my very core .. the tribal rhythm of the sine curve wave that leads me down .. further still .. i dissipate .. transparent .. electron silks left undisturbed .. the spider sleeps .. its web untouched .. further down i go ..

this wall .. this floor .. polished spotless by articulated disembodied doll arms .. all the whirring cogs and gears of the facility cannot hide what happened here .. a moment of silence .. i pause .. leaving two flowers in memory of the elves i knew .. and am away again to follow the sine curve home ..

Matsuo Basho
On a journey, ill:
my dream goes wandering
over withered fields.

[NPC] ElfTech977


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