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I just realized that I haven't really posted anything here yet, so I went and found some weird little stories that I write a lot. I promise I'll post some real stories in the near future. surprised
These have no real point or plot, think of it as kind of like free form poetry.
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While walking down a stone road, I noticed a peculiar looking rock. As it looked peculiarly at me, I grabbed my hair and turned away, to show I was not afraid.
I licked my hands and explained to the rock that I had come from a land above the sea. The rock agreed with me, stating also that it grinds its teeth while sleeping. Feeling that the rock had lied to me, I pleaded fro the truth.
"My gynecologist is a virgin" the rock argued. Then it opened it's mouth, spitting sand all over the road.
"Of course! Teeth! Your teeth are pebbles!" I thought aloud, as I realized the rock was lying on the ground, and not to me.
"Kill that crow," said the rock. Not to be disappointed, I ripped off my jaw, and fed it to him. Blood dripped down his face and off his chin. It dribbled onto the stone road, and through the cracks. The ground soaked it up, and screamed in agony...
Miles below, the blood had made it's way through the earth, and dripped onto the head of an unborn baby.
That child was you.
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I could not find my way through the thick black lines on the side of the house. I desperately grabbed at the edges, trying to prolong my descent, but only the spicy aroma of pumpkins remain. My hair sobbed with thick glass beads, breaking at the first sign of a downs crow. I began devouring my left foot, and then the other, stopping only to ask directions from a tired old wheel leaning up against a broken totem.
Not to be outdone, I broke out in dance, hoarding all the words to myself. Suddenly the was a falling man dressed all in black, he wanted to count my fingers, I ate them before he could and ran screaming into a hole in my head.
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The front door opened on a third story apartment in a old musty building.
Phil exited his home and proceeded to the steps.
He started down them by tripping, and stumbling to the bottom.
His hurt his wrist, and broke his glasses.
When he arose from the base of the stares, he found a toilet in the middle of the hall.
As to why there was a toilet, he had no idea, but he lifted the lid.
Inside was a picture of Jack Nicholson.
Jack spoke to Phil.
Jack: Hello again Phil.
Phil: Hi Jack.
Jack: What's wrong Jack?
Phil: I'm Phil, you're Jack, we discussed this already.
Jack: Right, what's wrong Phil?
Phil: Well, I fell down some stairs, and broke my glasses.
Jack: that is unforgivable.
The photo of Jack Nicholson began laughing maniacally, and his eyes rolled back in his head.
Phil watched nervously.
Jacks mouth opened and began pouring out a black that filled the photo, and spilled out into the toilet water, and all over Phil's tie.
Phil is sad, he now has a stain on his tie.
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I went to church last week and there was this guy speaking in spanish, and then I went outside and there was this hole in the ground.
The hole in the ground kept giving me this funny look, like it wanted some pastries. I ******** hate holes so I tried to walk around it. Unfortunatly it stopped me. The hole spoke in a low gruff voice "Hey boy, give me something something to make my belly feel good"
I said "No you big stupid hole.. I ain't got nothing for you!"
The hole gave me a real dirty look and yelled "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM BOY?"
I said "No"
He said "I AM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND I WILL WASH YOUR SINS AWAY"
I was about to believe him, when I remembered what the Pope had said earlier about holes that claimed they were Jesus. So I told the hole "You're not God! You are the Great Deceiver!"
And with that, the hole filled with blood, which I gladly drank.
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I was sitting here thinking about how I could move to Canada, when there was a knock at the door. I went to the door, but no one was there, so I checked outside. I was looking around for maybe a minute, when I heard a scratching on the bottom of the deck. I didn't have a flashlight, so I just went under there with a bat, hoping it wasn't a skunk.
I was beginning to think it was nothing when I heard some heavy breathing, and then something grabbed my foot. I looked down and there was a small 9yr old boy buried up to his waist in the ground. I asked him what he was doing, and he just said "It's so cold outside, I think I'll go for a walk."
I dropped my bat, and began shoving it in my mouth. I kept touching my faces, but my faces wouldn't touch me. I stopped dancing and tapped my teeth three times. The boy's head cracked open and his legs cam out of his head.
I asked, "Is that all?" and they both said "yes" so I went inside.
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