Welcome to Gaia! ::

I haven't exactly recognized my lack of interest (or faith, I can't tell at the moment) until today.

Today at my house we had a group of monks and two nuns to bless the home. As I was sitting with my family and other people that we knew, I got annoyed. I've been through this sort of metta chanting for few good number of years already but this was probably the first time I recognized my boredom, annoyance and frustration.

Afterwards during the dhamma talk, I couldn't understand a word the monk was saying.

1) He was speaking in Burmese.

I can't, even though I am Burmese myself. I was raised in the US so there's a language barrier that prevents me from understanding.

2) When we did the metta chanting, I didn't feel anything.

I know you're supposed to give feeling to metta chants but when I say it, I feel like I'm just repeating words. Nothing special. To me it's just empty words, not loving-kindness.

That's what I have noticed today about my faith/interest in Buddhism. I feel like I'm losing my religion and it's becoming hollow to me. I still want to be Buddhist but it's getting harder for me to do so. Can anyone help me regain some of the lost luster of Buddhism?

~~~

Background (if you need it):
I was raised in a Theravada Buddhist family. My mom is more religious than my dad. My mom volunteers at monasteries when she has a chance to and usually is the one to invite monks and/or nuns to our home. My dad was taught in a monastery as a child until around high school (I think). However, my dad doesn't meditate or send metta unless there are monks present.

I've been to week-long meditation retreat camps since I was in second grade. I have been a temporary nun for five days when I was visiting family with my mom in Burma.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss of interest in the practice, but it is the nature of the "small mind" to grow bored or jaded with a set routine. Thus, I'd advise spicing-up your practice to revive your enthusiasm. Here are some suggestions:

(1) Try to find folks you can understand when you're practicing, since chanting "nonsense words" isn't likely to further your own understanding (remember that metta chanting can be for the chanters, too). I'm a fan of chanting or mentally repeating Sanskrit mantras, but I only use those for which I have a good "feel" for the meaning of the phrases.

(2) If the chanting feels hollow, visualize the plights of the sentient beings you wish to ease or liberate.

(3) I find that reading scriptures and their commentaries increase my enthusiasm for practice. Those on subjects that you already understand are probably much more effective than more-complex material, unless the desire to learn something new really gets you going without causing frustration.

(4) You may want to try other forms of meditation to see if they "click." Altering traditional types of meditation to one's own pleasing may help, too, if they increase your interest while still accomplishing the intended goals. For instance, I'll sometimes change to a type of imaginative visual meditation once I've tranquillized my mind through basic meditation (e.g. Vipassana), then revert back and so on.

Thanks, I'll take your advice in mind and hopefully they'll help me.