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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:46 pm
Blind Date Meet the dark-haired boy At eight Relax, blondie, it’s just A date First date With a boy you’ve never met.
See him Offer an awkward hello Hear him Does he sound like he‘s scared? Smell him Too much cologne Obviously He’s just a little nervous.
She bets it’s not his First date Bets it’s not his last date He seems like just the Type of boy Who’d come and go and move around.
It’s a shy thing It starts out slow and stiff, is it a Guy thing? How would she ever know? She takes a Bold fling And asks him if He wants to, maybe….
Ice skate? Sure it’s cold, but maybe then the Climate Will wake them up and make this First date A bit easier and breezier and Maybe she’ll Start having fun Stop worrying about the dark-haired boy.
Short walk Through the still and silent park, and They talk About nothing in particular, they Skip-hop In the moonlight glows A path of white chalk 1 2 3 4 5 I win.
Sock fight Kick off their shoes and run around in Moonlight Through and through the dewey grass, they Love night The darkness helps with hide-and-seek She’s never had such fun before.
Naptime They stretch out, both are still dizzy from The ride Up and down, around; she thinks of A rhyme, A poem comes to mind She thinks she’ll say it, maybe later, now she’s running out of time.
Back home He walks her to her door; it’s dark, they’re Alone Did she have a nice time? Yes! And She’ll phone Next time she wants Another date She really had an awesome time.
The boy pauses looks away, as though ashamed, And he explains That it was all just a blind date And nothing more. You see, it was his
Birthday His friends went out and set him up with A date It really was a nice present, but He’d hate To lead her on when Really she is Just another girl, a birthday gift.
He waves goodbye Leaves her standing in the doorway Frozen, still, and pondering. Just a date, she thinks And tells herself It didn’t matter; At least not to him.
She doesn’t hear From him again; he moves on Moves around She says she doesn’t care She just hopes he’s learned Not to mess with girls…..
For his next Birthday, she Thinks… He’ll probably get a motorcycle.
~~~
I just wanted to use that last line. I'm so so sorry.
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Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 8:36 pm
I really did like the first part the part where they had fun... then it got a little depressing.... about how he didn't care... I guess....some do some don't sometimes sad
As for the poem itself I love your imagery you use.... but tbh I don't think its finished yet... wink
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Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 2:13 pm
Well, do you want me to do what Sam did and have the chick stab people in their sleep? Or are you saying it needs to be rewritten? 'Cause I don't rewrite poems.
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 5:22 pm
i wouldn't rewrite it because its really good but it needs an ending thats a bit more optimisitic where the guy really does care and comes back to her.
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 5:36 pm
But that isn't the story. And it would ruin the entire point of me writing it. I wanted to use that line.
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Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 6:27 pm
Oh I see where your getting at.. well its still sorta depressing at the end.
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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 7:53 pm
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Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 6:56 pm
Luffed it, but most importantly loved the ending. It's got a lovley melancholy. The last line adds a bit of spontaneity and fun otherwise lacking in so "sad" a tale. Brilliant!
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Posted: Wed May 28, 2008 5:47 pm
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