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 Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 6:45 am
My best Friend, well ex-best friend, has her first boyfriend.Let's just say his name is...Jake...and her name is...Alex. But there is one problem... Jake smokes pot and drinks. We are 13 and he has asked Alex to smoke and do drugs w him. Me and My friends tried to tell her that they aren't good for each other the first time they went out.(dated) And I don't want to be mean but we were happy when they broke up because he was slowly turning her into him. They broke up for 3 days and then got back together. But now we r even more worried about her than we were b4. He has asked to have sex w/ her many times and she keeps saying no. But we r still worried because she 13!!! U shouldn't even be thinking about sex when u are 13, but anyways...oh ya...he is mean to her so called "best friends"(the people that actually care about her). Last nite he called us when he knew we were at a sleepover. But she wasn't there because she was "grounded." But she was on the fone when he called us...but we didn't know that she was. She was mad at us so she complained to him and had him call us...TO CUSS US OUT!!! So we called her after we hung up on Jake. She told us that she knew wat he said cuz she was on the phone. So now we are really mad at her. But Besides the point. Jake smokes pot,and wants her to to, She says no but what if she says yes the next time. And he gets in trouble all the time.The other day, he beat up his sister at school in front of everyone and really hurt her. He beats up people and he is always suspended. We are really worried about her and we keep telling her how we feel about her and Jake, but she says we are bad friends because we aren't supporting her, but how can we support her if she is making bad decissions? I really need advice on what to say to her...maybe something that will make her listen??? I really need help on this. And I really hope that she sees this post as well as everyone else because we really care about her and we don't know wat to do. PLEAZ REPLY!!! thx ♥holisterchick4ever♥
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Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 8:58 am
Well the problem really is the fact that she is only 13 years old. When you're that age, dating somebody who is dangerous or more out there makes you feel like you're growing up, makes you feel more mature, and often comforts you because you think that if anything happened, he would get angry and make sure nobody came near you. I think she likes the idea of him more than him.
I recently went through something like this with my closest friend. I know you care about her and I know you don't want to see her get hurt, but the problem is, most of the time people have to experience a tragedy before they take a step into reality. Meaning, she won't realize what she's doing until her relationship goes wrong. You might just have to let it sit and give her space. She'll make the right choice.
Even though you should give her space, I agree that you should give her one more talking before you let her go for awhile. Start by saying how much you love her and how much you miss her. Explain that you don't want to see her get hurt but no matter what happens, you're here for her to fall back on if something gets rough. Don't tell her she's wrong, and don't say that you're right. Just be supportive. That way, she'll trust you to come back to once she hits reality.
xoxo LC (PS- post back or PM me and I'll be glad to continue to help.)
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Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:54 pm
well the problem is that she won't listen to anything me or my friends say. She thinks that we are jealous of her "perfect" boyfriend. When thats not the case. and after the fight on friday night, she cut herself!!! I told her that that's not why we are mad at her. She keeps blowing us off to tlk or be with Jake. Pretty much we are invisible to her. We were there for her and was friends w her way b4 she went out with jake. now she doesn't care. Point is. She won't listen to anything we say. What should i say or do??? thx so much for the advice. ♥holisterchick4ever♥
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Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 1:00 pm
holisterchick4ever well the problem is that she won't listen to anything me or my friends say. She thinks that we are jealous of her "perfect" boyfriend. When thats not the case. and after the fight on friday night, she cut herself!!! I told her that that's not why we are mad at her. She keeps blowing us off to tlk or be with Jake. Pretty much we are invisible to her. We were there for her and was friends w her way b4 she went out with jake. now she doesn't care. Point is. She won't listen to anything we say. What should i say or do??? thx so much for the advice. ♥holisterchick4ever♥
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Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 1:04 pm
Ok. Thank You so much for the advice. I hate it when you seriously need advice and nobody is there to actually there to give it to you. (forums!)
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Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 2:09 pm
holisterchick4ever Ok. Thank You so much for the advice. I hate it when you seriously need advice and nobody is there to actually there to give it to you. (forums!)
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Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:17 am
It's Ok I understand. Thanks for the advice!
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Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:51 pm
I agree with Tinksy. My sister does this often but is getting better about it. You just need to relax and let her have her space. Keep trying to talk to her and like Tinksy said don't tell her that she's wrong or you're right. She'll eventually come back to reality and realize what a dumbass she was being and every thing will be cool again. Try your best to keep her from drugs and if all else fails you may just have to let her fall on her own but help her back up.
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:56 pm
wahmbulance WARNING! MY ADVICE IS HARSH. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO READ, I DON'T BLAME YOU. wahmbulance
Okay, I really wish she wasn't so young. I mean, I'm 13 as well, but still...
If she was 17-20, I'd tell you to leave her alone, and when she was upset enough to crawl to you, wondering why you're ignoring her, tell her about...Jake.
But you're not 17-20.
Okay, this jack-butt smokes pot, and is asking a flippin' 13-year-old to have SEX. SEX! If this...Alex...is stupid enough to be with a pot-head, cave in to sex, and blow you off, then she's not worth your time. Eventually, she'll come crawling to you, in which case, play the angel.
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