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 Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:58 am
I haven't been able to get on in a while, but I'm back! Anywho...
So, my boyfriend and I were having sex (this was on Nov. 3), and my mom came home while he and I were in my bedroom. She wasn't to be home for another 3 hours, but she shifted some stuff in her schedule without telling me. I tend to be rather loud during sex, and I know that she knows that we were having sex. She was lecturing me about it last night.
She's a single mom, and my dad pulls a lot of crap trying to get as much money from her as he can (if he thinks he can get away with something, he'll do it). So she's super stressed 24/7. Probably the biggest reason why I don't/didn't want her to know was because I didn't want to add to her stress level. Plus, when she's stressed, I'm stressed. She's the only mommy I got and I want to keep her around because you only get one. On top of that, my dad was a total deadbeat, in addition to being abusive, and studies/surveys have shown that girls who don't have a good relationship with their fathers or a father figure are more likely to have sex in their teens. She knows that my boyfriend and I really love each other (we've been going out for almost 2 years, and she's usually our chaperon), and she's confident that we're sexually active for the right reason(s). I'm 17, he's 18, we live in Austin, Texas.
Any suggestions as to what I can do that would/should:
a. regain my mom's trust,
b. reduce her stress level, and
c. reduce the number of lectures she gives me?
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Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:48 am
If she's confident you're having sex for the right reasons, then I don't really see what her issue is. Is it because it was in your house? I can't really help out here, because my mum's always left decisions about sex to me (although she does give advice about contraception). I don't get on well with my mum particularly, though, we argue a lot - mostly because she can be a supercontrol-freak.
Maybe try spending time with her? I don't really know what else to suggest, if she has confidence in your her stress levels aren't really your fault.
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Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:41 pm
The thing is, I lied to her about having sex that morning; I told her we were cuddling. She says that if I get pregnant, his parents will blame me and that the whole world will think I'm a whore, regardless of the fact that he's my first and only partner.
Also, she had sex before she got married and she ended up marrying my dad, who is one of the world's nastiest people. I also think she's worried that if my boyfriend and I break up, I'll be so heartbroken that I'll become suicidal again.
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Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:20 pm
Single mother syndrome.
That should be an actual term. xd
As a daughter of a single (teenage) mother as well, I can tell you one thing I have learned. Is that your mother cares for you very much and means to do well but she may not realize that she is reliving some of her fears through you. The whole "Everyone will blame you/ it will be all your fault and everyone will know/call you a whore".
Have a talk with her. Tell her that you know she may not approve of your decisions, but your are a old and a mature enough to make them for yourself because she taught you to do so. Tell her that you are being responsible (I HOPE YOU ARE) and are taking proper precautions. Last but not least, tell your mother that you only lied to her to protect her. Tell her the truth.
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