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 Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:23 pm
Didn't put one pretty creative title, cause well I'm gonna post more then one poem here. >_> I think that is allowed, didn't see anything to say it wasn't. If so, I'll make numerous posts, though I'd hate to flood this place.
Mostly just posting some of my favorites, please tell me what you think. I'll be raiding numerous posts very soon to start commenting. Just thought I should atleast start something up with my own insane flair of words. By the by, you might notice I start and end all of my works with this ~ symbol right here. Habit really.
Be warned most of my poetry is free verse. I aplogize before you start reading for all the bold and italics. Its the way I organize things. sweatdrop Oh and for how they are fairly are dark or ranty.
Dreamer by. Kristin
~You wish me to conform?
To conform to society?
To conform to you?
I shall do no such thing.
Your society screams for my obedience.
To educate, to procreate.
Don’t ask this of me.
I am a dreamer.
‘You’re a rebel!’
‘You’re lazy!’ You shout.
Don’t look at me, only yourself
The world is covered in mystery,
That I must go out and see!
Yet I can’t.
I will not. Due to that box.
You won’t let me out!
I kick and I scream,
This must be a dream!
Not this box, not this cage.
Don’t trap my wings.
Don’t make me afraid,
To express myself.
Don’t make me doubt.
You cramp my wings,
You won’t let me out!
Yet I must conform
To get that job.
To live my life.
Live another day within this life.
Thoughts get no pay.
That song rings with doubt.
Eyes filled with stars
As my soul empties out
Yet nothing can smother my passion, my pride
Nothing stop the pounding dream, of the night
School, Work
Rules, Norms.
They tear at me.
To torture me for what I am
Torture me for what I do.
Can’t help who I am
Won’t change my ways, for you
Soul gone, now to the wind
It must be free
Even if it’s left without me.
Yet I shall never give in
Don’t ask this of me.
For I am a dreamer.~
Untitled by. Kristin {possible lyrical}
~The door shuts and voice echoes
Voice now silient to the door
Can no longer hear me
Shutting out all to its depths
Another door shuts
Ringing sound of slamming wood
Barrior closed so tight
Locks metal strong
Close the door
Keep it all out
Close the door
Lock me out
Can't hear the soft mumor
Trembling whisper
Or even a kind word
Nothing can cross it
Feel walled out
Caved in
Walking down the hall
Empty, closed doors
Dark, all alone
No one to hear the call
A few lights ahead?
They will close too
Wave the wide flag
Bring aware to all
Try to draw them back
Within the whole
No one will listen
Yet a sound is made
Except echoing steps
In the hall I've made
Close the door
Keep it all out
Close the door
Lock me out~
Forgotten by. Kristin
~Last night I cried
Last night I knew
Watching your friends move on
Watching your friends forget
Doesn't help the night go by
I can feel the wall gone up
The cord between friends and I
Unplugged, severed
So not used to being away from
The Drama
The Emotion
The Fun
Now I have love
Guess I must accept
That those have moved on
And wish to forget~
Untitled by. Kristin
~Slow wavering moments of being
Stepping through the curtain of emptyness
Onyx sheets smother as they whisper dreams
Soft hauntings of ebony souls
Pressing, caressing naked flesh
Night of unsettled spirits
Making up the essense of the dark
Reaching with raking claws to touch
Wanting, needing to be heard, understood
Echoing cries of wandering beasts
Blindly stumbling throughout the wall
No hole, no passage directly through
Onwards through twisted memories
Gentle light perished long before
Absent, gone, nonexistant
Yet foward on the unlight path
Shivering chills of remnant pains
The darkness wants another
You~
Untitled by. Kristin
~Torn across my heart
Didn't seem to care
Dragged into starvation
No one could see
Slipped into darkness
No response, silence
Hiding all emotions
No one really knew
Cut the mind
Quickly, quietly
Slice the soul in two
No one shall ever know
Break emotions
Without a second thought
Twist this vessel to nothingness
Fight the growing pain inside
Embrace the true darkness of it
No wrists will bleed tonight
Feel the energy drain
Everything slip away
Bring across my own doom
Never to see the light of day.
Always unending this
Countless cycle of pain
Who knows this beginning?
All you'll know is gone
Spirit soft whispers
Trying to finally say
The ending of it all
Yet my breath begins to give
Another day awakens
So again I must tell
What this life has forsaken
Welcome to my Hell.~
Untitled by. Kristin
~I am only a grain among the desert
A thump within every last heart
Come upon the entrance of beginning
Then quickly meet an everlasting end
All within a single blink of an eye.
I am one planet within vast universe
A drop flowing in a boundless stream
Come join me within this perception
Nothing seperates me from life or death
Both are such a fragile, thin line.
I am single breath in constant flow of air
A mere thought circling the mind
Come within this endless circle
Where nothing is distinct or seperate
All become one within the whole.
I am the individual among the masses
A light among the blazing sun
Come see this possibility of everything
Yet the limiting wall that stops us all
Break it down and flow into the idea.
Become one with your own darkness,
and gently swallow the light.
Open the mind to the endless seach
of infinite possibilities of life.~
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Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 12:58 pm
The First Piece - Dreamer:
This piece struck me as a spoken work. For this is very emotional but not on the levels of a rant. Thought out almost, and very relateable on my account. There was on section though, that I would reorder and rearrange. This is what I thought: **please note htis is not saying change it but just a suggestion**
Yet I must conform
To get that job.
To live my life.
Live another day within this life.
Thoughts get no pay.
My thoughts on this would to delete the third line completly and split the forth into two since it is a little on the wordy side.
Yet I must conform
To get a job.
To live another day
Within this life
Thoughts get no pay
_______________________________________________________
Second Piece - Untitled {Suggested Title: Locked Doors Can't Keep Me Out}
This was very my style. The repetition had to be my favorite part. Something I wont forget. This may turn out to be my favorite piece. Nothing else to say really. Except I could hear you reciting this onstage.. maybe with a little stomp action going on **like that broadway production with sound artists banging on random objects making a perfect rhythm -- deffinately could see that during a presentation of this piece**
Excellent.
_______________________________________________________
Third Piece - Forgotten
Falling never feels good. Maybe that is why Falling in love hurts so damn much.
Very relatable piece. Short and to the point. Topic is a little cliche` but who ever writes anything new? We all feel the same things and need to express them eventually.
Good and Short. I Liked it.
_______________________________________________________
Forth Piece - Untitled {Suggested Title: Blind of Remnant Pain}
The imagrey was exceptional within this piece. "Onyx sheets smother as they whisper dreams" That was something I havent heard before and I really liked it. When I can remember a specific line in a piece it meant something to me. Great job getting new descriptions and twisting through a feeling even more so its not the same thing.
_______________________________________________________
Fifth Piece - Untitled {Suggested Title: -No wrists will bleed tonight- } I chose this title because it seemed to be one of the most powerful lines in the whole piece and was my personal favorite.
One line in particulary caught me.. and after reading that.. I had problems reading after it. "No wrists will bleed tonight" Just made me recall some personal memories. Whether you were writing for your own emotions, I would like you to kow you have affected me with mine. You have struck a certain cord, though its not a bad thing. Actually its is quite good. When you can get a reader to find something powerful in a piece of your writing, you have accomplished something more then just expressing your feelings.
Also the last stanza was extremely powerful to me. If not the most powerful in the who piece. Though the ending line of the whole poem "Welcome to my Hell" I personally do not believe it was needed. This piece could be perfect without it, but it does not affect anything by being there. Just thought that the last whole stanza ended it on a more powerful note then a stand-alone line.
_______________________________________________________
Sixth Piece - Untitled {Suggested Title: A flap of butterfly wings}
Wow. This Is my Favorite. Your Second Piece shall come in second. The perspective and just the writing on the whole was amazing. Maybe, I shall show this piece to Waffles our Captain and have it on the Guilds Homepage. For the ending does have our guild name in it
Amazing piece of writing.
_______________________________________________________
All-n-All This writing collection really impressed me. Allowed me to get to know you on a personal writing level and learn your style. Really hope to read more of your work.
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Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 9:56 am
You have a very beautiful style, that's all I can say. I can't possibly give good suggestions after Tak's lol. xd But she has very good ideas.
Keep writing, and I agree: I hope to see more of it!
wink pirate
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Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 11:12 am
Used to be known for my commenting, back when the guild was still very new, but then I hate to say I started slacking off and havnet had a chance to comment much on the newer members writing.
So I thought this would be a good comeback.
and besides I love reading work.
smile
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