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 Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 9:05 pm
It feels like a dream
as I lay in your arms;
There is no past, no future,
just this present moment.
I remain to be at peace
as you gently stroke my hair,
caress my breasts,
provide a constant flow of pleasure
as my thoughts drift into a surreal state,
overpowered only by the passion of the moment.
But then my stomach cramps
at the sudden thought:
"Why does it all seem superficial?"
The next day, you don't come close;
I don't sense that same love
that always radiates from your eyes, your every movement.
This makes me realize that I am living your facade;
You don't love me and I don't..... love you.
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Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:09 pm
This is nice. It's true for a lot of relationships also, I'm sure. I like your first stanza a lot. After the first three lines of the second stanza, the rythm gets a little off. In the last line of the fourth stanza I think that "Your every movement" could probably stand as its own line. It's a good poem, and thought provoking.
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Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:18 pm
thanx for the comment. I felt like writing something, so I sat down on the forum page and just wrote it off the top of my head. This poem is only just as it was in my mind, and it hasn't been revised at all yet. (its never even seen paper yet)
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