As a kit, Finchkit had often told the other queens in the nursery, like Pigeonflight and Lilygrove, that he was going to live there forever. He wouldn't be a warrior, or even an apprentice when he grew up, he'd confided in them. He was going to become a queen! He'd seen the exchanged looks, seen the confusion and amusement from his parents eyes.
He had been picked up and placed in front of Sunsong when it came time for him to become an apprentice and he blinked up at the leader in terror. Finchpaw had tried to scramble back to the Nursery, had snuck there to sleep after dark instead of in the Apprentices' Den, had burrowed his nose under the soft mosses and avoided the idea of becoming a scary warrior. If he wouldn't be trained, they couldn't assess him and he couldn't fail it. Failure, perhaps was a greater fear than fighting.
The fear of failing was eventually what had him sulking to Dawnstride's side, looking up miserably at his mentor and trying to learn how to hunt and fight. Finchpaw's moral hadn't improved over time, so convinced that he would do badly, his head just wasn't in the right space for it. He'd overheard his father whispering to another warrior that he wasn't sure if Finchpaw would ever grow out of his slump.
I'm not going to be anything at this rate. Finchpaw thought as he dragged his tail over to where he could find his mentor. Not a queen or a warrior... What's the point in trying anything if I can't find some reason to do it?
Anderleit
