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 Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:50 pm
So, I'd try to do an "about me" part, but it's kind of gets all complicated when I try to type it out. So I'm just gonna run with it.
I'm 15, a freshman in highschool, and bisexual. I came out a few months ago, but I haven't told my family, only people from school know. I'm not technically in a relationship, I mean; I can't call K (we'll just call him this for privacy reasons) my "boyfriend" because we're supposed to be broken up. His parents decided almost a year after we started dating that they didn't want him in a long relationship until after high school. But really, they just don't like me for many, many reasons and want him to date someone more... obedient, for the lack of a better word. I kinda pissed off his dad because I refused to eat at his house, I'm not as smart as K, I'm really a hot-head and I have a temper, I don't play an instrument and I'm not friends with the best people in the world (but that doesn't mean I drink or smoke just because they do, they're really good people inside) and they're Jewish, I'm not.
So yeah, there's that.
Anyway, I have this friend (we'll call her R), she's also bi. She realized last year, but we didn't know until this year. Her parents are kind of a pain as well. R's parent's were like my other family, she was like a sister to me, but I find myself so FURIOUS at them all the time now. They're Christian, and I'm NOT saying it's bad to be Christian or Jewish (I'm Atheist) so don't take it the wrong way please, they think R's going to Hell because she's bi.
R didn't tell them that she thought she was bi, they read her diary. STRIKE ONE. In the diary she talked about how she liked this girl who went to her birthday party. Anyway, they started shoving the Bible down her throat, trying to make her be straight. Of course that didn't work.
Here's the worst part: I gave a speech on LGBT bullying a little while after we all confirmed that R's bi, the class I told the speech too had my best friend (we shall call her D) in it. I hadn't told D or R at that time, just my drama class and whoever they told. So when D found out, naturally she told everyone who would listen, as any good gossip would do (see what I mean about the questionable friends?). R's parents found out through R, who'd been told by D.
Now, because of that, her parents are treating being bi like a contagious disease. They think R turned me bi, but I realized in 6th grade, years and years ago, long before R even wondered if she was different. So R's catching heat because of me, and I feel terrible! I told D to tell R to tell her parents (because I don't really see R all that much anymore. Hmmmm... wonder why?) what REALLY happened. Being bi or gay isn't a disease, it's not a choice, it just HAPPENS. When did they choose to be straight? I'm so angry at them. I'm the same person I always was, I've been bi as long as I've known these people, but now I'm some other person to them.
R IS different though, now that she's "openly" bi. But not because being bi changed her, it's because of her parents. R used to be so funny and just OUT THERE with everything. Now she's too quiet, too reserved, too...depressed, I would say. And I used to be like that, when I was in 6th grade and people would always say there's something wrong with being bi or gay, which is why I never came out until this year. R's getting this from her own parents, not from some people she hardly knows but people she has to live with.
They keep reading her diary. They keep pestering her and making her feel worthless. I can't even HUG her, one of my oldest friends, without her parents cringing. I'd never think of R as anything other than a sister but her parents are convinced that I caught some horrible contagious disease from her, and that if they don't keep her away from everyone then the whole world is going to Hell because we'll all have this disease they're so scared of. They took everything away from her, her phone, her facebook, her LIFE, she can't go out, she can't do anything anymore without being questioned.
Has anyone else had this problem? Whether you're in the same position as me or R?
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 11:28 pm
I'm sorry for the stressful situation you and your friends have gone through. It is difficult being gay, especially in a religious family. As I would know all about it, as I have been in that situation before (at leads a similar one) because I myself am bi-sexual and I live in a very religious state and household.
First off, it is horribly wrong for R's parents to read her diary. Diaries are supposed to be for safe keeping, something to look back on when you are older, not for an entire family to snoop on. It seems as if no one can get any privacy now a days. And I would say, sadly, her best bet would be to stop writing in her diary. But simply find another way~ Maybe she can record her thoughts onto a webcam, or she should buy another journal that has a lock and key. Either way, it's sad they looked through her personal business, showing that they don't respect her privacy.
Second, it is not your fault! Don't blame yourself because R's parents are immature, and not understanding. It is not your fault~ It is sad how, when I came out to my family, they viewed me differently at first, but then everything got better on its way. That's a different story though. But trust me, even if things seem horrible, they will get better. Whether they will slowly, or quickly. Only time can tell that.
R hasn't changed, it's most likely the stress that has built onto her, and everything with her family. All you can do is simply talk it out with her and let her know that you are there for her 100% and you will stay with her throughout this whole ordeal. Simply be a friend for her, that's what she truly needs at the moment.
As for how her parents react, they are simply paranoid. They're horrible to make their own daughter to feel that way. All you can do is support your friend, or stand up to her parents. Tell them she is not any different of a girl than she was before she came out. She is the same person, and will never change. And with religious people, it's hard. They think being gay will send you to Hell, and it's a horrible disease, when nothing is wrong with it. Not to quote Lady Gaga, but we were born this way, and theres no changing it.
As for them taking away everything, that's them going to an extreme. Support your friend, be there for her. But you should contact an adult, guardian, or someone older with the situation. They have no right to take away her belongings. As yes, I know they are her parents and can do whatever they wish, but that's not right. It's sad that such a great sounding girl, R, had to be born with such horrible, not to sound to over dramatic, but disgusting parents. I wish you the best, as well as your friend~ I hope everything will get better soon : ) I am sorry for this being so long as well!
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The Bodacious Soul Reaper
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Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 5:00 pm
I'm worried about K. He's cutting himself...usually he's the happy life of the party kind of person. But ever since we broke up he's been depressed. His parents hardly notice, or if they do they hardly do anything... I try to help K, but sometimes it seems he doesn't want to be help. I'm on the fence here, I don't know if leaving totally will make him better or worse, and I don't want to leave him either. Even though we're supposed to be "broken up", we're still "together" in a way. When I talk to him, he says I cheer him up and that he feels okay and even happy sometimes. But there are days he doesn't tell me what's really going on, he tells me he's okay but then an hour later I get a text from a mutual friend asking if everything was okay between me and K.
Maybe it's because he thinks he's supposed to be strong because I'm the girl and I shouldn't be helping him with emotional stuff, I don't know. But K is really worrying me now, I don't know if it's the overreacting girlfriend in me that gets worried if he suddenly disappears when we're texting or what, but I just have a horrible feeling and I'm so confused about how to help him...
We didn't have any problems until his parents intervened, now all sorts of problems are coming out of the woodwork.
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Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 10:26 pm
I'm sorry about your troubles with K. As it sounds like he must be under a lot of stress or pressure, either with school work, or his parents have been arguing lately. It is most likely a lot of stuff had happened and built up, and all is just coming down hard on him. The best thing you can do is simply be there for him as a friend, and support him. But don't make it seem as if you want to get together again, that is if you don't. Take him to get ice cream, or something. Anything really~ I hope everything works out with him, and I'm sorry with K and his parents and troubles. I hope everything will get better : )
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The Bodacious Soul Reaper
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