|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 6:43 pm
i have no title as of yet but please come and read and comment thank you
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 6:44 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 12:39 pm
I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to put this in the journals subforum.
P.S. You might want to do a little proofreading. It really draws you out of the story when you hit a mispelled word or the wrong word.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 6:48 pm
You should probably spell check with your word processor and grammar check with your brain.
The first line is too long with not enough variety in your structure. I didn't get past that, sorry.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:27 pm
Well, I managed to read some of it. It's pretty choppy, and in serious need of proofreading. It jumps along pretty fast, and I'm not sure what's going on when. It needs a lot of work, but it's a start.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 5:08 pm
I hope you realize that's not true grammar nor punctuation but it sounds okay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
