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 Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:28 pm
~She Promised You A Journal~
"Because making a pun of your username makes you awesome. Seriously."
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Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:42 pm
About Me You can just call me Missy, as I use the alias Missy Random everywhere else.
Basic information, I'm 16, Australian, and a lesbian.
In depth information, I'm currently studying in Year 12 in high school for the High School Certificate. I am more of the artsy type, for I tend to choose subjects like art, French and drama. I am currently unemployed, but in my situation, a job would only cause more stress.
I live with my father in a one-storey house whilst I sometimes visit my mother. They're separated, but not officially divorced.
I tend to stress out easily. The smallest of things tick me off. Computer speed, my a** of a sister, common school occurances, and the like. And when it does escalate to a dangerous level, I vent it out in the worst way. Either that, I supress it, which I know is not healthy. Sometimes, my thoughts switch to death or killing the person, but I know that these are only my thoughts.
I'm anti-social offline, and sometimes, I grow very cynical when I notice the problems with this world. Sometimes, I think that we're trapped in our own hell, so if there is a hell, and I'm going there apparently because of my sexuality, it probably won't be that bad of a blow.
There are a few people that experience the other side of me however. I'm quite nice, as some friends have remarked, but I do put myself down quite a bit. I try not to increase the size of my ego.
I am not religious in the least. However, being an atheist does not mean that I have no morals. As mentioned in my last paragraph.
I'm hypocritical at times, and I tend to get depressed a bit, so expect emo journal posts.
My final thoughts, there are no open lesbians at my school, I despise the crap that the media oozes out these days, I'm a bit of a fussy eater, it is hard for me to socialise, and I ride a kangaroo to school along the beach, and visit my friends that live in shacks.
Tell me if you believed that last sentence. XD
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Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 6:05 am
My First Entry (This is a copy from my dA journal, so some of it you may not understand.)
I feel abandoned.
By everyone. Every ******** one.
Those who I thought were my friends have virtually cut me off from their groups. Yes. You know who you are.
And no, you can't do anything to make it up. Not anymore.
I'm so cut off that my closest friends are over IN ******** CANADA. What the hell can I do? Fly over there? I have barely any money, and I'd bet for s**t that my parents wouldn't let me go over there until I'm 18. By then, if I'm lucky, I'd be in university, and just maybe, 2012 will end it all. That way, I won't have to suffer from having no friends that I can actually hug. Or talk to.
My inspiration has been sucked right out of me, and I don't know what I can do to get it back.
I know you guys won't cheer me up, no matter what you say. You're not right there in front of me. I should be out there. I should be having real friends. Instead I grow fat and unattractive and not go out anywhere.
Seriously. She invited EVERY ONE OF HER FRIENDS TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY EXCEPT ME. And she PROMISED me we were going to do something special (considering I didn't really enjoy the idea of going to a movie), but I bet she forgot about that too. And if you're reading this, DON'T end up doing it. I bet you weren't going to think of something until I just reminded you. You never called me or communicated me, and you never thought of anything we could do. And upon seeing what fun you had with your REAL friends via photos on Facebook, I have no chance.
And to the rest of you, you can't cheer me up at all. The closest I've got to real friends right now are Roxy and Polyp, because they're cool with talking to me, but we're so many bloody miles apart, I can't see us ever meeting up.
I have no one. And that is it.
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Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 6:33 am
I hate to quote a movement for a personal problems, but it does get better. Trust me. Everyone has issues through life, but just wait it out until college. Even the first few months of college can be rough as you find friends.
Just don't worry! It'll all work out. You'll see. (:
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Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:01 am
 Assertive, almost AggresiveI see a lot of my friends all around me, and they always know how to state their position assertively, no holding back. For a long time, I wished to do that, for I'm quite passive myself, but I'm starting to feel like I'm starting to state that half-brutal honesty I want off my chest.
But I don't want to lose myself in the midst of it all. I like being a humble person (which sometimes I lose due to low-self esteem), and I despise being needlessly selfish. In fact, the one thing I hear people say is that I need to worry more about myself than anyone else. I do want that nice middle ground though, where I know I'm not the best at everything and I do what I can for other people, but I don't want to hate myself and give all of myself away, and I sure as hell don't want to be the type of person whose hubris would lead to their downfall and they take from everyone to satisfy themselves.
So, in short terms, I just want to modify myself, in a way. Or maybe even just add an attribute, which is semi-harsh truth-telling, and still have that caring for other people as well as myself, but slightly more in everyone else's favour.
Of course, with this, I know that what goes around comes around, and I do want to pretty much grow a spine to deal with how harsh this world is.
And here's where the rant comes in.
Whenever I try to be assertive, people ignore what I say, and instead feed me the bullshit about me being rude, just because I don't crawl on my knees and agree with them. It's ridiculous. It's almost as if they don't have a counter-arguement, so instead they go with that because they know I'll shut up then. It's almost a sign that people around me are getting wimpier. Because instead of growing some balls, they teach people you can't say anything back because that's "rude". I honestly think people should be more or less focused on toughening someone up instead of treating them to sugar-flavoured crap that you can't be rude to anyone, because there are some people that will break the sweet down. This is why I think not saying that someone is being rude (I mean, sure, there are SOME points where people are talking in a disrespectful manner and should be reprimanded for their actions, but I'm talking about something simple, like "I think we should try it this way, it's more efficient if we do it this way".) would be somewhat beneficial.
[/endrant]
So, that's the end for probably my longest journal entry right now.(Brushes by Obsidian Dawn)
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