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Gothic_Pheonix

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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 1:54 pm


So it begins

Cover can be found:
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=16264652
WARNING, for Teens+:
Femslash (girl/girl pairing)
If you do not like same gender pairings, do not look at this set. No flaming in the comments, I will not tolerate homophobia. if you don't like this set because of same gender pairings JUST IGNORE the set and leave me alone. I will not tolerate any harassment. Sorry for being hard, but I am tired of homophobia, and "WTF" or "Eww!" or "sick" comments. Leave nice comments.
This is original but it is femslash meaning, girl/girl pairing. Please READ AND COMMENT don't just fave. BUT if your comment is rude, just because of the pairing, I will delete it because if you don't like it then DON'T READ or COMMENT. Simple as that.

Rated T+, meaning 16 and older for most.
________________________________________

Walking into my home, I smile with a sigh of relief and call out, “Marina, I’m home! Sorry I was late; I hope you’ll forgive me. I brought champagne, your favorite kind.”
I noticed that the living room was dark and I tried to turn on the light, but as I flipped the switch nothing happened.

“Marina? Where are you?” I asked as I stepped into the kitchen. There on the dinner table I saw candle and roses set up, and instantly guilt hit me. She had planned so much; a romantic dinner, and what do I give her in return? Tardiness. I miss her dinner because my over eager friend wants to make sure everything was perfect for our group; that everything was organized, and it was; WEEKS ago! I sigh as I climb up the stairs, realizing my love is probably asleep by now.

I quietly sneak into the room, take off my shoes and jeans then slip under the black covers quietly. Soon, sleep consumes my tired brain, wracked with guilt and plans of how to make it up to my love. About an hour later, I wake up to try and go to the bathroom when I realize I am unable to move my arms, or any of my limbs. My eyes snap open and I look to my hands, and that is when I realize I’ve been handcuffed; the silver shackles restraining my hands to the bed post. I gasp and begin to struggle until I hear *her* voice.

“You should have expected this, love. After all you need to be punished for being late, after your girlfriend went through all that trouble of making a romantic dinner,” Marina purred, decked out in a police uniform. How she did all this, I’ll never know. But, I do know that she can be quite a ninja when she wishes to be. Oh boy, looks like she’s been watching too many cop shows again. *Sighs* and out comes here Mistress side.

“Marina,” I gasp out as she crawls tow fingers up my right leg. The guilt pushes me over the edge. And I begin to tear up, realizing how much I hurt Marina.

“Hush. None of that. I know you are sorry,” she gently smiles, tilting my chin up to place a kiss upon my lips. A kiss which leaves me breathless.

Her steel gaze returns with that sexy smirk as she drawls, “But, how willing are you to prove you are sincerely apologetic? Will you do anything?”

“Yes, anything Mistress M”
“Very well,” she smirked as she began to unbutton my top.
And so it begins. Later, she uncuffed me and I kissed her, glad to finally be able to return her love she gave me. Sparks of pleasure filled our beings that night as our lips, tongues and limbs tried to gain dominance over the other that night. Soon we collapsed as sleep consumed us and we drifted off with smiles on our faces, as we cuddled within each others arms.
PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 2:12 pm


Cover can be found here:
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=16154798
Warning: This is sad, so be ready to cry.
Memories: Remember the last days


"With his death, he left a scar on her heart"- Gothic_Pheonix
Been three, or four, months since he died. She's had him since she was five years old. She can't believe he's actually gone. Tears escape at the weirdest of times, just out of the blue when she remembers he's no longer here with her. She often tries not to remember his death, so tears do not escape and she doesn't have to deal with the pain in her heart. So she doesn't have to think of him as a memory, or being dead; just on an extended vacation or hiding in his usual spots.

She knows she should be over it by now, being four months, but she isn't. She's eighteen and she's had him since she was five. And his death, his illness that lead to his death, was so sudden. No warning sign at all. Unlike a storm where you could see the symptoms; know when or if it was coming; you wouldn't have been able to tell that within three days his illness would be worse and you'd have to give him a mercy kill so he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But, at that point, she wanted to be selfish and just be with him until his time came. But she didn't want him to be in pain, he didn't deserve that.

He's put up with her antics and kindness, and stress. And kindness and love is what he needed as he parted from this world. As she writes this down, she continues to flashback to him being on the table, as the doctor sticks the needle in his skin and his eyes...his eyes began to fade.

His pupils become larger and darker, and she swears she can still see the light, from his eyes, disappear. And she can see he isn't breathing anymore, and hears her mom crying. She tries hard not to cry, and tightens her jaw, trying to be the strong person out of them.

The doctor and assistant try to comfort her mother's distress, as she continues to look at his dead body, in disbelief. She STILL cannot believe he is truly gone.
'Not him,' she still cries out in her mind, 'why him?' she KNOWS that she should be over this pain, but she isn't. Having to look at his favorite spots in the house; like near the window, thinking he'll be there, then having to remember he is dead and he is no longer waiting for her when she comes back from school....It just HURTS. Having to remind herself everyday, HURTS.

At one point, she just didn't think about it. Avoiding his name. 'Avoid his favorite spots,' she'd tell herself, 'and you'd never have to feel the pain of his memory.' That didn't stay true for long. Instead, it'd happen at random, the tears and the memories.

She knew she needed to let the pain out so she wouldn't become depressed or worse, burst out crying at random. She hated the spotlight, the stares. She didn't want people to think horribly of her either, or labeled as a drama queen or something. So instead, she'd watch a movie she made, that was dedicated to him, on her ipod. She made the sideshow on her computer. It had pictures of when she first met him, when she was five, and pictures of her as she grew older with him. It also had pictures of him around the house, or doing activities, all up to his death. She had three pictures of him, before he saw the doctor, and he didn't look so great. And in the pictures she was crying a little, but silently.

When she found out they had to give him a mercy death, it was Thursday after school got out. Her mom had been crying as she couldn't believe that it was time. She was still in denial after the injection took effect, and he left this world. And she knows it sounds terrible, but before they buried him, she took two photos. She hid her tears behind her camera. She didn't watch him get buried, it was too much for her to handle that day.

The next day, Friday, she didn't go to school. She begged her mother to let her stay home. She couldn't focus on anything, but yesterday. She couldn't talk to anyone. There was just too much pain in her heart. His death still fresh in her memory. It is now August and it is her senior year in high school. He was born September 2, 1996 and died May 14, 2009. Sometimes his memory brings her joy, other times the pain of his loss is too much. His name was Simba and he will always be in her thoughts and memories. I will remember you always.

Gothic_Pheonix

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Gothic_Pheonix

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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 2:15 pm


~Crashed into Us~

Cover can be found here:
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=17656198
My story is also posted here
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2794144/1/Crashed_Into_Us_School_Version
both School versions. The one I am posting is the final version, edited. So PLEASE read and review, here and there if you can. Sad, how fictionpress has changed a little. Also,copiers, if I have found you have stolen my story....things won't go well for you smile Have a nice day. Also, some of the jokes/emphasis on words may be missed because Polyvore doesn't allow italics sad
__________________________________________________________________
*Author's note: This version is my beta'd one from school, and it is the final draft. But there will be more versions coming soon, modified completely different from these two versions. Now, on to the story*
__________________________________________________________________

Today's weather was not my favorite because I could no longer gain anything from it, unlike in my freshman year where we were able to get out of running miles. It was raining hard and the sky was an ominous black and I swore that I heard some thunder miles away. Sitting in the passenger seat of my moms grey Malibu listening to my ipod I wondered how tired I'd be in my classes due to the gloomy weather. As I was listening to Rebirthing by Skillet someone sped past us going well over the speed limit and quickly cut us off without using his blinker. My Mom quickly swerved out of the way, as the driver almost crashed into us, only to have another car almost collide into my Moms side of the car. This all happened in under a minute and it felt to me like it all happened in a blink of my eye.

"Look out!" I cried out. Then the sound of metal colliding, CRUNCH! Screams, blood and tears. Then all went black as I was calling On Star's emergency line, hearing "Hold on, an ambulance is on its way" But, before I collapsed completely, I glanced over to my Mom, who wasn't moving. Then, the darkness finally consumed me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darkness surrounded me as I lay…floating? I'm actually floating off the ground. Where am I? I am unable to speak but all my thoughts are able to echo, like they are my voice, for the time being. Or at least I hope so.

'Hello, can anyone hear me?' I voice out in my thoughts.

"Hello child. Relax. No harm shall come to you," a feminine voice said. She sounded young, perhaps in her early twenties. Though the way she spoke, in a wise voice reminded me of the way a goddess, like in ancient mythology, presented herself. Or perhaps this voice was a guardian angel. Either way I know I am in deep, for no way is a goddess or guardian angel presenting herself to me something good. Especially after being in a car crash. Her voice also reminded me of a mother calming a child. Wait…mother? Mom? Mom!

"Where's my Mom?" I voice out as I struggle to get down.

"Relax child. I'll get you down, don't struggle," the female voice says, releasing me from whatever invisible bonds were holding me. As soon as my feet hit the ground the mysterious woman beckoned me to her, holding out her hand for me to grasp. "Follow me please," she says as she pushed her way through the dark, grasping my hand, pulling me along.

"Where am I," I gasped out, finally allowed to speak, with wild eyes.

"Ah, yes. I see you are surprised at finally being able to talk. Well, once your brain was fully functioning and I released your bonds, you were able to speak," she said as she opened a door. As it opened revealed to me was a beautiful lush green land. In the distance I could see a beautiful large waterfall. At the sight of it I gasped, which caused my 'guardian' to smirk.

"As for our whereabouts, have you heard of Wonderland?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"You know, as in Alice in Wonderland? Come on, you have to have heard of it. Don't you read at all?"

"Of course I read!" I puffed out indignantly, feeling insulted by her accusation.

"Well, then, consider this land as a sort of Wonderland. This is Kalariashna. Here, you will have no choice but to face certain truths"

"Certain truths? You can't be serious," I narrowed y eyes on her, suspicious.

"As serious as Hades is of guarding his territory," she smirked. Soon, she began to walk away, much to my utter disbelief.

"Hey! Wait! What am I supposed to do?! How do I get home? Who are you?" I shouted after her.

"Just head towards the waterfall. There you will find the guardians who can help return you to your home. The journey will be long and you will run across many creatures and people. Some will help you, and others will try to distract or harm you."

"Wait, do you mean I am going to run across chess pieces and a Wabberjocky "

"NO!" she sighed in annoyance, "this is Kalariashna not Wonderland"

"Ok," backing off a little, knowing that if she is a Goddess I could possibly get harmed in aforementioned ways.

"Good, then. Well, goodbye child"

"Hey! Wait, you never answered me about who you are! What's your name?"

"Just think of me as your personal-what do they call it? Oh, yes!- Guardian Angel," and with that she vanished in thin air.

"Well great. Thanks for abandoning me!" I shouted to the sky, directed towards my supposed guardian angel.

"Now how am I supposed to get down..this..cliff," I hesitated as I saw how long a drop it was. If I fell or slipped, I know I'd be dead. I then pondered over my guardian's directions, which held an underlying tone of something else; as if I was meant to do something other than finding my way home. Taking a deep breath, to calm my fast-pace, beating heart, I began my descend. I noticed some indents in the cliff, where I could use them to propel myself down the cliff, using them as handholds and footholds.

'One step at a time. You won't fall. Just relax,' I kept telling myself as I slowly descended, while various visions of falling and dying ran through my head. Taking another calming breath, I looked over my shoulder and below, where the only thing that could be seen was utter darkness; like a black hole consuming all life.

"Stupid 'Guardian Angel', leaving me to kill myself my climbing down the cliff with no safety lines. The least she could've done was tell me where a path down the cliff was, but no! She vanishes instead," I grumbled to myself, almost slipping a couple of times much to my despair.

And then I fell--
Down the rabbit hole...that was how I pictured things. I imagined Alice spiraling, and it came as no surprise to me when I hit the roughness of ground suddenly. My body thumped loudly when I landed, and I scrambled to my feet. The world around me was celestial; bright white lights all around me, and a gold spotlight seemed to shine down on me. I was breathing fast, despite my seemingly calm disposition. There was silence around me, and I wanted to call out for the "angel," but my anger made me simply walk forward, with the intent on finding my own way.

'This isn't happening. This isn't real. All a dream, not real. I'm probably in some hospital bed. All I have to do is get to the end, and I'll wake up. This world isn't real,' I kept reminding myself, even though this beautiful land was tempting to stay in, I knew I had to find help. I had to get someone to point me the way towards my goal. I moved ahead again, and felt grass beneath my feet-a field? Wow, it's so soft and lush-wait! What am I doing? I'm getting distracted, that's what. Focus; I have to focus. I shook my head, and forged on, and up ahead, I saw the "angel," standing by a lake.

"Why are you here, again?! What, you want to just abandon me again, is that it? You think it really helps me in the end? Is that is?" I ranted, not noticing the confusion in this angels posture. Slowly the woman turned around, and I found I was wrong?

"What are you talking about? I don't know you," she smirked, laughter in her eyes. She was beautiful, with golden hair below her shoulders with golden highlights. Her yes were a shining radiance of blue, and her lips also..matched her...eyes? What? Well, I guess now I won't find any way to confuse this land to my home or its people. Wow..blue lips, matching those blue eyes that seemed translucent. She was tall, and slender, and her appearance momentarily knocked me off guard.

Hello?" she asked, amusement clearly reading off her face.

"What? Oh sorry," I apologized realizing I was staring at her, and I was quite embarrassed. I felt my face become hot, and at this, she smirked, rolling her eyes, and cocking an eyebrow.

"You're..new here, aren't you?" she smirked.

"You could say that," I replied, being cautious, lest I embarrass myself again.

"Well, allow me to show you around, after all, it is a beautiful land...it would be such a pity if you missed out." She beckoned me forward, and together, we stepped into a golden spotlight. Soon, I began to linger back to my 'guardian's' words about distractions, which led me to become suspicious and on guard about my new..friend.

"Oh, now, please, don't be shy." She smirked, and gripped my hand, and the light engulfed us, causing me to hiss and close my eyes. Suddenly, there was a loud whooshing sound in my ears, and when I opened my eyes, I was standing in a...dining room.
"What the..?!" I gasped out in shock, before being interrupted.

"Oh, hush" she interrupted me, "by the way, I forget to ask you of your name. My name is Amelia. And you?"

"Miranda," I replied somewhat shakily.

"Miranda." She confirmed, turning to the table. She snapped her fingers, and a tall, gangly woman with wide, childlike eyes and a surly yet gentle paradoxical disposition appeared.
Miranda, this is Maud." The woman sighed, huffing like a disappointed child.

"It's Maudelina, Mia!" she corrected Amelia.

"Don't call me Mia. My name is Amelia."

"Well, now you know how it feels!" Maudelina snapped, crossing her arms.

"Oh, hush." Amelia turned to me, "Miranda, Maudelina is my...personal servant. We want to show you around our land."
I was aghast; confused beyond measure, but intrigued all the same. Maudelina nodded once curtly, and her and Amelia took my hands, and together, we stepped into another light, and before me appeared a wall of cards; a voice chanted pick a card, any card. Excitement pulsed through me. Amelia reached out, her long, slender fingers touched queen of diamondscard, and she mumbled; "take us to the Queen."

'And, here my guardian said this wasn't anything like Wonderland. Ha!' I thought to myself.

"I know what you're thinking," Amelia said smirking, "but our Queen is not at all like Wonderland's Queen."

"So, she's not gonna try to cut off my head"

"No. Unless you are made of sugar," Maudelina smiled. Amelia chuckled, and then bent double in fits of laughter.
"Now, now, she won't want you to be laughing at her." Maudelina smirked, and together, the three of us stepped into a bright black and pink portal. I felt very claustrophobic all of a sudden; which I never have before as I gripped my "friends'" hands, and sucked in a deep breath. We landed hard on our feet; in a dark forest; dark green trees and an overhanging of green leaves. Soon, I heard the guitar rift of My Chemical Romance's Helena. The volume was equivalent to one of a teenager, cranking up his music in his room, causing the neighbor's to complain, and his parents to ground him. It hurt my ears, but I didn't let it show. Rather, I closed my eyes, and tried to take in everything but the volume of the music. Since this was proving to be almost like that book, I was going to prove myself to not be like Alice. I was going to be brave, and not take any crap from others. I was not going to be stepped on. So I opened my eyes, and stepped forward, my hands balled into fists at my sides. Amelia noticed my tension, and placed a hand on my shoulder, and called; "Queen! You have a visitor!"
"Coming!" shouted a bubbly female voice. Soon a tall, pixie-haired woman descended a spiral staircase that was hidden by the leaves, and stood before us, smiling brightly, and chewing bubble gum. This girl looked to be around my age of eighteen, and she was beautiful. She was wearing a cute black dress, lace around the edges of her sleeves and the bottom of her dress. She was also wearing black and red striped stockings, and black, with red crossbones on top, fingerless gloves.

'What is with all these female's looking perfect,' I thought as I looked down at myself. I was wearing my Paramore Riot t-shirt, with matching black jeans and converse. My black, with purple bangs, hairs was disheveled and a mess. My confidence dropped a level, as I took in the glorious chambers and it's residents. I was guessing that the dark, pixie-haired woman was the queen, though she was quite young and pale.

"Hello," she smiled at me, "you must be…Miranda" she smirked.

'What the heck?! How did she know my name? I had only met Amelia a few short minutes ago. There's no way they could have had time to tell this queen. I better take the control back, and quick!'

"Yes, I am, but what is your name? After all, if you are the queen, you should know that you always introduce yourself first," I stated in a haughty tone, trying to hide my uncomfortable of her knowing too much already.

"I suppose, you are right. In that case, my name is Cassandra. But, you can call me Cassie if you wish to. I know we'll be great friends," she smirked which, strangely enough, caused me to fear her sanity just a bit before she continued, "I am the Queen of hearts, also known as the Gothic Queen. I hear you need to find a way to that marvelous waterfall to get to the Guardian's. "

I began to open my mouth to speak before she shushed me saying, "You probably wish to know how I knew that key information about you. Well, it's a necessity to know the orders of what goes on around here if I am to be a formidable and great queen. Well, don't you worry your pretty little head about this, Miranda; we'll help you find your way back home. But first, would you like to see the collection of my CD's? I'm sure you'd see a few things you would love to hear. Maybe music you'd have to get online, for they are not sold at stores in your country?"

"I.. guess I could," I hesitated, keeping my guardian's advice in mind, still.

" Perfect," Cassie smiled, " I know we are going to be the best of friends. Let's go to my bedroom," and with that she clasped my hand and dragged me to her room, which was the same colors as the chambers. Amelia and Maudelina looked on our retreating backs, smiling mysterious smiles. It made me wonder if they did, in fact, have ulterior motives. As soon as we got into her room, she pointed me to the huge shelves of music. It is there I found some Evanescence CD's. And they weren't just any CD's.

"NO WAY! This is the alternate version of Imaginary, which can only be found in Europe. It was never released to the U.S. This is amazing!" I said as I began to place the CD into her boom-box. I soon began to smile and dance with Cassie, laughing, enjoying the alternate lyrics to the song.

"I knew that you would love this," she smiled with a glint to her eye, "Now, why not stay here a while."

"I guess I could do that," I smiled, ignorant of the true meaning to her words, due to being to caught up in my excitement for this song. I adored Evanescence, and it was my favorite band because Amy Lee is an amazing singer, and very talented because she writes her own songs.

"Forever you will be my friend and stay here," Cassandra smiled, one of malicious intent. And it was that one word, forever, that broke the spell the song had on me, and I quickly dropped her hands and stepped away.

"No. No I won't," I glared, "you can't expect me to stay here forever. I have a home and a family to return to. I have love back home."

"I can love you, though."

"It will not be the same. I'm sorry but no. You can't have everything you want just because you are of royalty," I pointed out, softly.

"Can't I?" she cocked her eyebrow.

"Not with me, you can't" and as I turned to walk out she grabbed my hands.

"But, they don't love you," she said bringing up memories of abandonment, times where I held the secret of myself from them, when they were snippy and quick to judgment. And that was also before the accident.

"That was a long time ago," and I ran. Running past Amelia and Maudelina, which didn't even try to stop me, though Cassandra asked them to do so, I found myself at the edge of a forest. And in a short miles away, I saw the waterfall.

'My ticket home,' I thought as I quickly ran towards it. I quickly pondered over what I had learned from my mistake with the Gothic Queen.

'Maybe never to trust so easily?' And soon I was near the waterfall. And behind the translucent water, I saw a door, which opened to reveal my Guardian Angel.

"Come on in, child. We've been waiting," she smiled kindly at me. Quickly, I followed, jumping from stone to stone in order to reach her.

"How..how are you here right now?" I stammered unable to think that this has been her plan all along from the beginning.

"I figured you would need a little guidance, but I couldn't be the one to give it to you. You'd have to learn for yourself. I just pushed you into the direction of Amelia. And now you may know my name. It's Jennifer," she smiled, one that was both happy and sad.

"Jennifer? No, it can't be" I gasped. Jennifer had died my sophomore year from a terrible car wreck, she had no chance of surviving. It was almost the same scenario as mine. Tears formed in my eyes as I remembered that I lost a best friend that day, and the school was in mourning that day, as well.

"Please, do not cry," Jennifer smiled, wiping my tears away, reverting to a more familiar form.

"You're looked older, and the way you talk to me," I choked out.

"Yes, this is what I would've looked like when I was in my twenties. And I remembered how you loved mythology back in school, and how you always talked about how you would try to listen to wise Goddesses. I guess, I must've annoyed you earlier, huh?" she smiled

"Yeah, you did" I sniffled, "why are you doing this?"

"You haven't been living, ever since my death. You only see black and white; you're either dead or about to die later. That is how you see the world now. I wish to change that. You learned, now, how there are people you can trust, and others you could but are just misguided. You changed Cassandra," she smiled. And out from the shadows, The Gothic Queen appeared, smiling.

"Hello," she timidly smiled.

"You taught her that she can't have her way all the time. You taught her about morality and humanity. You taught her to be a better friend," Jennifer beamed.

"Thank you, Miranda. I'm sorry for earlier. Can you ever forgive me," Cassie asked me, timidly.

"Of course. After all, we are friends..Cassie" and she literally seemed to light up.

"As a friend, I have something to say," she smiled, "you have learned your lessons well. So it is time for you to return home and wake up."

"Please wake-up," pleaded Jennifer, and then my vision went black.

I soon woke up to a constant beeping sound next to me, and as I lifted my arm I noticed wires had been attached. Soon, a nurse had walked in and saw that I was awake. She informed me that I was in the hospital's ER and that I had a few stitched in my head, and some on my legs and arms. But, otherwise I was fine. They were afraid I had gone into a comma because of how hard I had hit my head on the dashboard from the impact of the other car. My mom was gone and was waiting for me, in the waiting room. She had visited me every day since she was fixed; minor bruises and cuts, praying for me to awaken. I was also told I was unconscious for several days, and that today was now Saturday, not Monday.

Heading to call to inform my family of my consciousness, the nurse headed out of my room. I looked up to my ceiling and thought, 'Thank you, Jennifer. I will never forget you and will promise to start living, as I should be. You are right, just because you are dead, doesn't mean I should stop living as well. I'll live..for both of us'
__________________________________________________________________
*Authors note #2: Thank you for reading my final draft of this story. Two different versions of this story will be coming soon. So, please review smile I would love to hear the feedback.
To hear the Evanescence song, please take a look at my music playlist:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/5108827915
PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 2:43 pm


Always on your side

Rated: T
WARNING, for Teens+:
Femslash (girl/girl pairing)
If you do not like same gender pairings, do not look at this set. No flaming in the comments, I will not tolerate homophobia. if you don't like this set because of same gender pairings JUST IGNORE the set and leave me alone. I will not tolerate any harassment. Sorry for being hard, but I am tired of homophobia, and "WTF" or "Eww!" or "sick" comments. Leave nice comments.
This is original but it is femslash meaning, girl/girl pairing. Please READ AND COMMENT don't just fave. BUT if your comment is rude, just because of the pairing, I will delete it because if you don't like it then DON'T READ or COMMENT. Simple as that.

Music: Always on your side by Sheryl Crow
Cover: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=16460455
________________________________________

My yesterdays are all boxed up
And neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind


Today's the day. The day has come to leave, and a silent tear rolls down my cheek at the realization. My mind lingers on the memory of the person I loved. She's gone.

Because you were always waiting
To be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide


I remember when we first met, you protected me. The boys were always trying to ask me to go out with them. But, I was always too shy, and I didn't like them. I don't know what they saw in me. I never saw myself as beautiful. And I was waiting for someone. And, later, I realized I was waiting for you. You always had wanted to ask me, when we were younger, you later told me. But you were afraid. And when I told you what I thought of myself, you'd clasp my hands in yours and would tell me that I was beautiful.

When you knew that I was always on your side

You were my best friend, but also the one I had always been waiting for, and I just never knew it. I was with you every day, always defending you when needed. And yet I never saw or realized you were my love.

Well everything was easy then
So sweet and innocent


Life was easier when we were children. There were hardly any tears spilled. Life was about laughter and cheers. But as I grew, I begun to lose the laughter and the cheer I once had as a child.

My demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the (one) you thought I'd be


Then, you finally saw my despair and brung up the courage to tell me. That you loved me and had been waiting for me. I realized at last I had been waiting for you, and I lunged into your arms. The smile was brought back, and we were together for several years, both of us being 25. We got together at age 19. Then.....it happened.

Too afraid to hear the words I always feared

You were growing distant and I pleaded you to tell me the reason why. The fear and sorrow in your eyes caused me dread and fear.
"I'm dying" you horsely said, almost whispered, "the cancer I have is incurable. And on top of that, I have leukemia which also can't be cured due to the cancer."
"No!" I cried out and embraced you, tears being spilled.
I had feared this; losing you.

Leavin' you with only questions all these years

The next week, you were forced to stay in the hospital, for care. Wires were hooked up to you, and there was nothing I could do, but be on your side as you began to die little by little. And I continued to ask, 'why?'. Why you had to die. You, the most kindest person I knew. My beloved, my other self.

And when you died three moths later, longer than the doctors predicted you'd last, I was heartbroken. I was left with all these questions. And I hated that you were taken from me.

But is there someplace far away
Someplace where all is clear


I wish we could have run away from this tragedy, still living together. Some place far away, where there was no cancer, pain or sorrow. Where laughter and happiness was easily spread and shared.

Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear

I want to start over, reliving our happier days. Days where you were healthy, happy and alice. It's not fair. You shouldn't have died. I should have, but not you.

Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally

I'm alone now, without you. I'm not living like I should. I miss you to much. The air at home, it carries your essence and memory. It's too empty here without you.

This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be


This shouldn't have happened to you. It wasn't how it was meant to be. We were supposed to be happy and alive together, grow old together and die together. Not apart.

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side
.....This isn't how it's really meant to be
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side


Several months later after your death, I continued to cry out for you, thrashing in my bed, searching for your warmth only to end up crying in despair over the loss of you. It shouldn't have ended like this; our love. Friends and family began to notice my behavior, finally, always walking on egg shells around me, treating me as if I was a fragile china doll. Afraid I'd snap at any moment, they were always too cautious. I don't want to lose the memory of you, but I am feeling suffocated by them, afraid they'd want to send me to a psychiatric facility.

So, I continue to pack my things...and yours. Packing the promise ring and locket you gave me, on my birthday, I say my last farewells. I carry the documents for your funeral, which is being held under our favorite tree, far from society and the cities, surrounded by hills. It shouldn't have happened; your death. It shouldn't have been this way. I tuck my honey, dark blonde hair behind my ears and walk toward the moving truck, leaving the ones who suffocated me behind. I take one more last look at the house, before I climb in the truck and drive.
Goodbye, my love.

Gothic_Pheonix

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