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I'm back after a while, with some poetry

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TheLoneBassist46

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 5:58 pm


Comments and critiques would be appreciated greatly. Thank you.

Russian Roulette
Not quite a loaded gun,
Facing the poor man's grief
Standing, looking, his grief widens
Playing Russian Roulette

Take an aim, and fire
Hope to god you don't freak and cower
Cause right at that moment, it could fire
And instead of hitting nothing,
You feel a cold bitterness

Taking aim again,
We spin the chamber,
Taking guess at which one will fire
Will it be your life this time,
Or will we be the lucky ones?
In the game of Russian Roulette.


Somber Lullaby

See the whiteness of the hair, and the eyes you see,
Frozen, and staring at you. Hair laced with ice blue streaks
And her lips were the green candle light you seek
Tassles and locks of a silky sheet
Cascades into threads spun around your feet
Into a dream that can't suffice
For what your heart yearns for,
For what the land dies for.
The green glow she cast out
Looks into the cast iron soul you forgot to lock.
Mazes and mazes, the light looks at you
Searching for a deeper meaning
Than the one you withdrew.
Contently, the light bends,
Upward slightly on each side.
It sings to you a sweet,
but somber lullaby.


Forgotten Dream

From a wicker basket, she pulled the string,
upon the tug, our dreams fell out.
Onto the pavement and into the lake.
We let them out for all of you to see.
Everywhere they sing for you
Everywhere they tell tales for you
Everywhere the shaman speaks,
Everywhere the prophecy is made
Searching for that one you called your own
Seeing nothing more than the wilted willow's tree
It cries out to you to gain your attention
But as you gain more ground,
It's sound dies out.
Lights blaze out from each cornerstone
Freezing the laughter in a blinding daze.
Smoky mixes paint the atmosphere
Red, orange, and shimmering hues.
Searching till your hands bleed blue
It's not really lost,
But rather something that you eventually forgot.  
PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 2:59 am


Ooh, I'd say that brings along some psychological quandaries. Like, that's way more deep than your game thread. And it's, so, ummm...I don't read whole poems...I'm a little ADD like that...But it was good.

Jehosaphat
Crew


Tevedes

PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 1:22 pm


0.o So long! But I read them. They were okay. I didn't understand some of it but I liked your word choices! 3nodding
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:13 am


I like your use of word diction and concrete imagery on the last poem.

Kostbarer Alptraum


Black Angel Blood

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 9:29 am


Wonderfluff. They are pretty good. I think...that I liked the first and last best but, I don't know....^_^
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