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OneSilentRose

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 9:53 pm


Alright so this is my first post in the Writer's Corner, but certainly not my first novel attempt. Anyway, this is currently one of my two my works-in-progress. I'll be posting chapters more chapters as I write them. There is some language throughout, just to give you a warning. i know some people are more sensitive to that than others. Guess that's all, love to get as much advice as I can, especially if anyone has a good idea for a title, I'm always horrible at coming up with them.


–> Prologue

This is how you set up a scene.

I'm waking up to the incessant hum of static all around me, buzzing like flies surrounding a carcass, eager for their next meal. The sky swam about far above me, an endless torrent of black and white, constantly shifting, changing, reproducing. Its bothersome white noise reverberated endlessly, aimlessly, encompassing the entire area. I finally gathered the strength to hoist myself up from the ground, brushing away the earthen dregs from my faded blue jeans. My head was ringing, crippled by the utter silence of the area coupled with the untimely, inaudible whirring of the static sky above. My eyes were now growing more accustomed to this world.

I was collapsed at the epicenter of a jagged crater, faults and crack lines tracing the perimeter in obscure patterns. The trees surrounding my crater were hollow, made of glass, it seemed, with crystal leaves of unimaginable colors. Far beyond, the gargantuan spires of a foreign civilization ascended farther and farther into the static above. Heavy black plumes of smoke and refuse billowed forth from the peaks of nearly every other structure in sight, debris and ash dancing gracefully downward like snowfall. The entire scene before me seemed too surreal to exist. And yet, the very nature of this place instilled in me a sense of empowerment that I have never experienced before. I remember this place from somewhere. The soil beneath my feet was coarse and sooty, the air unpleasant and chalky. But real.

Uneasily, I dug my fingers into the crater’s side. It must have been a few meters high. I’d estimate around thirty feet wide. Strange dimensions. Regardless, I began to climb. No sooner than I had one foot on the incline, I felt a strange presence materialize behind me. When I turned, I immediately recognized the most miraculous part of this world.

There She stood, my Clay Womyn, as beautiful as ever. Perfectly flawless, Her skin shone bright and glossy as porcelain. Her invasive green eyes disguised themselves beneath unnecessarily thick, black eyelashes. Her shifty composition quite literally of clay, She manifested Herself without warning from beneath the crater soil behind me. Stale blond hair stood like twine atop Her clay-head, adorned with a baby blue ribbon tied double to contain Her wiry locks.

She effortlessly walked towards me, Her steps so small She almost seemed to be gliding. She spoke to me in that familiar, beautiful voice that somehow always seems to reassure me that everything is all right. The world could collapse at my feet, and even if She were retelling the death count, I would still feel relieved just knowing that She’s there by my side.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

She probably did, I tell Her.

She walks to the edge of the crater, walking up the side with ease. As She reaches out Her hand to help me up, I grab on to Her wrist, smooth and lifeless as porcelain. I’m brushing the dirt off my pants again when She asks what brought me here today.

“I lose track,” I tell her.

She turns away, silent, gliding towards the Forest. Behind us, more trees conceal the vast, booming city in the distance. I feel as if I’ve seen this somewhere before.

* * *

The pathways in the Forest never remain the same long enough for you to trace their destination. The deep red stone is constantly shifted, engulfed, and regurgitated by the furtive soil. Yet still, my Clay Womyn, She knows exactly where to go. I trail behind her through the multicolored glass splinters, following in Her very footsteps; fully aware that my path is being erased with every step I take.

More and more, flowers are starting to sprout up along the trees’ bases. Lipstick-red roses and urine-stain-yellow daisies sway in the nonexistent breeze. If you listen hard enough, you can hear them singing. The words, I’m not meant to understand them. They rise and fall in solemn, wispy strands: a fiery chorus lapping ever so gently at my heels. A warning? A welcome? A requiem?

We hadn’t walked very far when my Clay Womyn spoke, trampling a flower beneath Her bare porcelain foot. “Vae victus.”

“What did you say?”

She shakes Her head, nothing. We’re still walking. The only sound present is the nearly silent shifting of the pathways behind, all around us. The static sky continues its purposeless whir. “You know you can’t stay there forever. One of these days you’ll have to stop going back. You have to escape, permanently. You do know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I know that,” I tell her. “But what else can I do, really? It’s not like I have control over anything.”

“But that’s where you’re wrong! Don't you see? You have all the power in the world! More power than anyone else could ever hope to dream of! This,” and She spread Her arms, motioning to the world, “this is all yours. Don’t you see? You are your own God! And I am but a humble angel, fruitlessly sacrificing everything in the service of her master.” She looks at me with Her too-green eyes peering through Her too-black lashes, winking.

I am God.

I repeat the phrase countlessly in my head. I know this. Because She knows this. We can’t keep avoiding the truth forever.

“We can’t keep avoiding the truth forever,” She says.

Bewildered, I tell Her, I know.

Just then, without any warning or reason, the wind grew violent. Vicious. The trees, with their stained glass leaves and brittle branches, snapped and shattered all around me. A hundred Victorian chandeliers collapsing at once. My Clay Womyn, She looks up, up, up, investigating the static above us.

“It is time,” She says with a bow, “until the next time.”

The skies are growing more rapid by the second. The infectious static spreads its unholy white noise farther and farther, louder and louder, until I am encompassed. Just like before, I can feel the gentle tug of the upward vacuum, the static come for me again. Just like before, I feel my feet leave the ground. I am the ascension of myself. Part-time Jesus Christ. My Clay Womyn below, she is shouting up at me again.

“You are your own God! The world is your temple, the people your pawns! You have nothing to fear, but you have to escape!”

I have to escape
I have to escape
I have to escape…

 
PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 9:54 pm


--> Chapter 1

"Where were you just now?"

That voice again. Different from Hers. It was cold. Emotionless. Automatic. My senses finally cleared up, the static darkness lifted from my eyes like a cold linen blanket. I was back in his office. Sitting on his chair. On his time. He was wearing his trademark 'periwinkle diamonds' tie today. White button-down. Dark slacks. Ovular glasses, reflecting the incandescent hollowness of the overhead florescent lights. Expressionless wrinkles etched across his face, probably just waiting for the session to expire.

"Hello? I said, where were you just now?"

His engraved copper nameplate sat listlessly upon his desk behind him. Dr. Something-Or-Other. His shoulder concealed the rest of his name. Not like I gave a damn about his name. To be perfectly honest, I'm sure that the feeling was mutual. He exhaled, obviously frustrated, leaning back in his cheap-a** recliner chair. Just like my father.

“So you’re just not going to say a word to me, are you?”

Nope.

“What else is new…Then again, I guess that’s why you’re in here…”

He’s shuffling through his files like he actually gives a damn.

"Look, son, I just don't know what else to tell you..."

I just stared down at the carpet: a stupid, unoriginal pattern squirming across the coarse, grey fibers, faded with years of eavesdropping. I tapped my feet along to an inaudible tune inside my head, inciting a plume of dead skin and dust mites to flutter up into my nostrils. For a while, we just sit there, me and Dr. Pretends-To-Care, in perfectly stagnant silence. He pretends to jot down notes on his clipboard while I continue to trace the painful carpet geometry.

Suddenly, yet not unexpectedly, the timer on his desk shrieked an awful, disdainful noise; one with which I have been thoroughly acquainted. 5:15, precisely. Same as always. An hour and a half of precious life drowned beneath meaningless ‘therapeutic exercises.’ Twice a week. Every week. That's approximately 9 hours every month stolen away from my vacant routine. This is, of course, omitting the occasional Saturday session, extending from 11:25 to 1:25. Another two hours tacked on to my total.

"Alright, well, I'll be seeing you Thursday, son." He extended his arm out to help me from my seat. I rose quietly, of my own accord, retrieving my shoulder bag from the floor. He awkwardly patted me on the shoulder. "I'll crack you yet, boy. If it's the highlight of my career, I swear I will."

Our eyes locked in one of those awkward moments where neither person really knows how to react to the other. The sheer intensity of the moment, off-kilter as it is, cements our eyes together. The bond broken only by the untimely entrance of his next patient.

A tallish girl enters, wiry red hair fizzling outwards in all directions, standing atop high, black platform shoes; protruding from which were two oddly mismatched stockings, one bright blue, the other a neon yellow, adorned with purple palm trees. Her thick-rimmed, black glasses outlined her watery green eyes, and she wore a crumpled white oxford and an audacious plaid skirt. Meekly, she silently excused herself into my seat, clutching tightly her tin "Hello Kitty" lunchbox. Bless her heart.

"I'll be right with you, Barbera."

He turned back to me, but I had already started out the door. I can't afford to waste any more of my valuable time in that room with Dr. Doesn’t-Give-A-s**t constantly trying to pry me open. No. I had greater things to accomplish. I felt a matrix coming on.

cut to:

I got in the car. Slammed my door shut. Mom’s car. She timidly, wordlessly, pushed up her tiny little, wiry-framed glasses, like she always does when she doesn’t know how else to convey an emotion. This particular gesture most certainly suggested disappointment. It’s one of her many trademarks. Patented, packaged, and consumer-tested. I just knew. Wordlessly, she sped off, taking a left onto Mirror Street, towards our neighborhood. Approximately twenty-six-and-a-half minutes away from the current position: here.

About seventeen minutes pass before she attempts conversation. Same as always. So predictable. She asks, how did it go today? I keep staring out the window. This is usually the extent of our exchanges. Is he helping, at least? I shrug. Your father and I pay good money for that. I nod my head. Did you at least thank him? I remain stoic. I am reminded that I have to clean up after dinner tonight. I nod. And the conversation is dead. Or still nonexistent.

It’s almost like watching a painfully trite television series, my life. It’s that show that inexplicably gets great ratings that ******** critics love to mystically pull out of their a** for money. The show that either everyone hates or nobody watches. The show that really only has about twelve episodes and re-runs more than a used car commercial. Every line is commonplace, carelessly stapled to a cliché plot line. No, THE cliché plot line. Predictably predictable. Consistently consistent. On days like this, the plot is always the same:

Wake up → School → Therapy → 26 Minute Car Ride → Dinner → Sleep

1. Lather.
2. Rinse.
3. Repeat.

The cycle forever unbroken. My life is a humdrum windup-doll on autopilot. These batteries never seem to die. Click! and the channel changes. The invisible director inside everyone’s head (often referred to as ‘God’) has but to shout out two little insignificant words. At the unforgiving snap! of the clacker, the scene changes.

cut to:

It’s dinnertime now. I set my bags against the living room wall, remembering to close the garage door, its unnecessarily drawn-out groaning echoing into the hallway. Mom walks click-clack click-clack into the kitchen, turning off the oven or whatever other cooking instrument she had been using.

Dad sits, predictably unmoved, at his usual seat on the teal leather sofa. What a terrible shade. His left leg is criss-crossed over his right, as usual, and his thin features are lost behind the latest edition of the Times. Right about now, his furry grey eyebrows are squirming around in contempt for the President’s latest press statements, magnified about twice their size by his equally thin, wiry spectacles.

I could tell him that the pot roast is ready, but he wouldn’t hear me. Anymore, all he does is sit on that petrified teal sofa reading that media induced vomit they call ‘news’. He eats that s**t up like he doesn’t even need mom’s cooking. Sure, somehow he always ends up at our cozy little round dinner table, approximately three-and-a-half feet in all directions. He would wind up on my left, his wife on my right. Déjà vu. Surprise, surprise. Nothing special.

cut to:

The first time mom and dad stopped talking to each other. It was last year, around June. Dad came home from work, like usual. Only mom and I had already eaten. I think it was spaghetti. Possibly meat sauce. Thursday night, the garage door chime signals dad’s arrival around eleven thirty. The newspaper in his hand, it’s dated this morning. He looks exhausted. Smells faintly of sweat, alcohol, and cheap Wal-Mart cologne. He isn’t wearing his spectacles either. I’m upstairs, crouched beside the balcony, my Nietzsche Reader clutched tightly across my chest. Mom is wondering why dad wasn’t home for dinner again. Dad is wondering why mom gives a ********.

In a few moments is when things start to get ugly. I’m trying not to listen when mom throws her frying pans to the floor. When they clatter on the aging hardwood floors. I’m trying not to listen when dad is beating her with his newspaper. When she cries out for me to come help her. I’m trying to force their polemical back-and-forth out of my mind. I’m not paying attention when dad reminds mom what a ******** she is. I can’t hear mom screaming at dad, why she’s not good enough for him. It’s not really my problem.

Right about now, I’m walking to their room. I’m still clutching my Nietzsche Reader in my arms. An oriental vase is shattered in the living room. The fracas is growing distant. I try not to listen to mom damn her brother to hell. Try not to listen to mom damn dad to hell for what he’s done with her brother. Try to ignore the fact that dad doesn’t even believe in hell. Right about now, I’m picking up dad’s pocketknife, so thin that it slides perfectly between the pages of my book.

Just for the record, when you’re my age, clutching a Swiss-made blade between pages that state ‘God Is Dead’, trying not to listen to your mother getting the s**t beaten out of her because her good-for-nothing husband has been ******** her brother every night for the past month, you start to lose it. You start to wonder if maybe, just maybe, that knife would taste better down your own throat.

I started to wonder.

Another vase goes down for the count. Or maybe this time, it’s a lamp. Right about now, I’m pulling the knife out of the sheath. I’m watching my hand drag it, scratch scratch scratch across the pretty plaster walls. I’m watching my hand plunge it, time and time again, into the oil painting at the end of the hallway. I’m making Jesus bleed again. A second crown of thorns.

I try not to pay attention when everything goes silent downstairs. I try not to listen for my father’s profanity or my mother’s suffering. Right about now, I’m not paying attention to anything. I don’t even notice the blade falling from my hands, nearly severing my exposed pink, fleshy toes.

Right about now, the world is starting to get real blurry, like when you dive into a lake and it’s been raining all day. Right about now, I start to wonder why my family is so ******** up. Right about now, this thick, hazy fog is swallowing me up, whole, until I can’t even tell whether I’m breathing or not. Right about now, I’m falling to the floor, the world turning fifty thousand shades of black.

cut to:

After dinner I’m sitting upstairs in my room, allowing the latest ‘breaking news’ bullshit to flood my conscience via the Internet. Today, the President is an imbecile, the economy is a bucket of s**t, and some big-wig company is getting sued for some fraud that only a big-wig company could afford to commit. And in other news, the Girl Scouts of America want you to buy their atrocious mint cookies for $11.95 a box because the troop leader needs breast implants.

When you watch these kinds of broadcasts often enough, you start to notice things. Things that make you really lose faith in humanity. I mean, really lose faith. If you watch close enough, while the infidel president is giving another s**t bucket speech, headlines that didn’t quite merit a ‘real’ story march across the bottom of the screen.

So-and-so has cancer.

So-and-so has killed herself.

So-and-so has raped his grandchildren then gobbled them up for din-din, but hopes that the government will allow him a fair trial.

Riveting. At this point, I have to turn it off. Stupid people really irritate me. And So-and-so is starting to look like a big waste of my time.

I am God.

I’m pulling out my math books now. AP Statistics. Pre-Cal BC. Advanced Algebra II. Kid’s stuff. I’m in the mood for a higher-level function. Or perhaps a complex series of matrices strewn together by an indefinite variable. I’m in the middle of determining the absolute value of x when I notice that my formula is wrong. There between my computations are the words:

'We can’t keep avoiding the truth forever'

This is how I know it’s been a really long day. I set my books aside and take off my glasses, massaging my temples with my knuckles. My air conditioner hums to life, and the neighbor’s dog decides it would be cute to start barking really loudly. I can’t do this.

I am God.

Yeah, right. Right about now, I’m starting to think that God is like a big ugly monster hiding in everybody’s closet. Everyone’s afraid that maybe he’s real, but every once in a while they just need to be reassured that he doesn’t exist. The light flickers on, there’s nothing there, and the world can sleep easily until tomorrow night. It’s the same reason that infinite numbers like ‘pi’ exist, to give people something to hope for even though they know that they can never reach that final, impossible digit. The search just keeps them blissfully busy. I’ve come to a conclusion, scribbling down my findings across the inner flap of my textbook:

π = God = π

God IS the last digit of 'pi'. The number you cannot count to.

I peeled off my clothes and started towards the shower. Anything to keep my mind off of the world. The faucet urinates its perpetually lukewarm water as the lights barely flicker on. The mirror showcases a whole new breed of ********. This particular specimen has messy, short brown hair, tiny little, wiry glasses, and is composed of 50% skin, 50% bone. Poor, unwanted specimen, shamelessly exhibited for all the world to see. To mock. To ridicule. He knows that breaking the mirror won’t make him beautiful. He remembers what happened last time.

Never stop
Never stare
Never holy
Never fair

I’m abandoning my observations, stepping into the flow of never-just-right tap water, ignoring mom calling my name from downstairs. What little steam the faucet can manage feels nice against my skin as I sink down to the shower floor. This seems to be the only place left in the entire world where I am truly alone with myself, here, at the bottom of this lukewarm fountain. The steam is starting to rise, evolving into a warm fog, flooding my bathroom. My eyes are growing heavy, lids twitching under all the stress.

Right about now, I’m laying flat on my back on the sticky shower floor, gazing up at the water rinsing out my eyes. Right about now, the world goes silent, like a cheesy movie special effect. Right about now, I’m closing my eyes, waiting for sleep to conquer me. Or, perhaps, something more sinister.

So-and-so doesn’t give a damn.

OneSilentRose


OneSilentRose

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:00 pm


--> Chapter 2

My Clay Womyn and I, we’re walking through the forest together. As for me, I’m beginning to understand the flowers’ songs. Cheery, yet morbid. Very unorthodox. Good thing I don’t really care.

“There was a fool thought he was God
And Jesus was his name-o
J-e-s-u-s
J-e-s-u-s
J-e-s-u-s
And falsehood was his game-o”

My Clay Womyn, She’s silent until we reach a clearing. The shifty roads decompose behind us, faint trails of nothingness snaking backwards through a field of broken glass. The clearing, it opens up narrower than I would have expected. There is the not-too-far-away smell of salt water racing, hastily, to irritate my nostrils. The ground before us, my Clay Womyn and I, is bare. A deep green sheet draped lazily across the clearing.

Mere feet away, my Clay Womyn leads me to a bench. A normal sort of bench, it’s made of wood. Metal. Screws. The works. She’s sitting down while I’m walking past Her. Not two feet beyond the bench is the inevitable precipice. It stutters out to a narrow, jagged point. A wedge forced from the land. Far below me, as I’m gazing over the edge, I’m expecting to see water. To hear the crisp blue crash of the waves against the cliff, hissing and bursting their last breath of life. Instead, just like everything else, something is strangely out of place.

My reflection is lost amidst a wispy storm of fog far below, all around. Misty strands of the stuff lick and dance across the cliff’s face, multiplying on and on and on and on, into the aimless horizon. The sea-salt smell drifts up from the nameless beyond, and golden, glittery sparkles haunt the curious mist.

My Clay Womyn, behind me, She says, “This place is made for us. Just you. And me. Together. Our own, special, secret little place.”

I don’t reply. Off in the distance, just barely visible through the mist beyond, a small object is growing larger, larger. As it comes in to view from my left, I squint my eyes. It’s starting to take shape. I can see it.

What it is, well, from what I can gather, it’s a large floating landmass. As it drifts closer, closer, closer still, I see a beach. And sand. And salt water gently spilling off all sides, ready to land gracefully, splash, at the bottom. If such a thing exists. Crooked arms of palm trees line the shores. Real palm trees. Wood. Leaves. Cocoanuts. Chloroplast. From the canopy above the trees is born a number of birds and colorful wildlife. The smell of pineapple marries the salt.

And right about now, I’m starting to wonder, what is that?

And right about now, my Clay Womyn, She’s standing up behind me, Her cold porcelain fingers clasped gently around my shoulders. “You know you can never go there.”

And in my mind, I’m thinking, I know. In the pit of me, I’m thinking, I can never go there.

But She said I was God.

“I said you were your own God. Not everyone else’s.”

What’s the difference?

“Don’t you see?” and She’s resting Her head between my shoulder and neck, whispering into my ear. “Everyone is their own God, as long as they want to be. In the end, no one has any real control over us but us.” Her cold, porcelain breasts are lumps sandwiching my spine.

And in my mind, I’m thinking, I know.

And in my mind, I’m thinking, She’s right.
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 2:57 pm


didn't have to read all that but what I saw looked awesome

dudemon223

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