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[Backstory]

Time fractured at different times for different people. Directly following the fracturing, a synthesized cleaning chemical was dumped into the Huang He river. It caused women to become sterile, completely so. Those who were pregnant spontaenously aborted. Very few women made it through the contamination of China's waters with any chance to ever give birth at all. Within a single generation, China's birth rate was more than halved. It was practically quartered. The nation was devastated.

Five generations, or almost one hundred years down the line, a young girl named Xun Yi Xue was born to a well-to-do family living in Yunan province. She was the firstborn (and only born) child in her family, and her birth was met with great rejoicing. It had been thought that her mother was completely barren, and as her parents loved each other, they had not wanted to seek a divorce. And, as an answer to their prayers, a composed little girl was born. She was named Yi Xue, "suitable elegance", to honor her mother- Yi Yun- and her grandmother- Xue Xiang. Like the others of her generation, where she walked a sickly-sweet scent of flowers followed.

As tradition followed, Yi Xue grew up learning womanly arts- things that wouldn't cause stress to a pregnancy, that would keep her quiet enough to bear a child to term even with the still-polluted waters filtering through her every sip of liquid. This wasn't enough for her, though. She wanted so much more- she saw the men in her lives, men in the soap operas she watched so well, doing great things, wonderful things! And she was good at mathematics, so good, she followed rules perfectly and to the letter. And yet she might have remained as Yi Xue, a girl destined for a girl's future, except one day, the neighboring Guo family's Moon Shadow died. A Moon Shadow was a boy, castrated before puberty in order to maintain the "yin" energy balance of a house. If women were far outnumbered by men, a Moon Shadow would be created to balance out the yin-yang energies. Though the Chinese government disapproved of this, they did not act to stop it, believing that it may become a placebo that would bolster the slowly-rising birth rate even more as the contaminant was filtered out of the water.

The neighboring Moon Shadow, Da Chun Guo, died on the very day that Yi Xue first menstruated. She was eleven, and by tradition of the province would be married off within a year of the first show of blood since girl-children born barren never bled with the moon. But this Shadow, a woman in a man's body, had died on the same day as that fatal omen... She saw this as a sign that she was meant for better things than bearing child after child, and used her not-inconsiderable slipper money to buy Da Chun Guo's name, possessions, and even his age. Disguised as a fifteen-year-old castrated boy, she fled along with one servant to the capital city. She took with her enough of the family heirlooms that she could take her time learning to do what men did.

Upon arrival in Beijing, she acted quickly to hide her femininity- shearing her hair into a masculine style, observing the men around her to learn how they walked, how they spoke, everything to hide away the fact that she hadn't been born male. Yi Xue- or Chun Guo, as she was now known- unlearned her feminine behaviors. She became male, in all essences of the word.

For a year, the Moon Shadow known as Chun Guo studied. He was determined to take a place in the bureaucracy and claw his way up- anything to justify the sacrifice he'd made, which he still viewed as the lesser of two evils. The only person who knew his secret was the one servant who had come with him from the Xun house in Yunan. He slipped up, a lot, but it was easily explained by the fact that he was Moon Shadow. The physical examination to get into the governmental schools? Brushed by because he was Moon Shadow. Showering with the other boys? He was Moon Shadow, and unclean. There were no girls in the school. No one knew what he looked like under the robes the studious scholars wore at all.

It took time, but he ascended the ranks of the bureaucracy, making friends and avoiding the creation of enemies. No one hated Chun Guo, but everyone knew who he was. He was afflable, polite, though never kind. As a Moon Shadow, he could smoke if he so pleased, and he did, elegantly. (Men who were men were not permitted to smoke. This caused erectile dysfunction, which the controlling government deemed irresponsible with the current birth rate crisis.) His other vices were few; he rarely drank, didn't sleep around obviously, was perfectly obedient to his superiors. He studied Wing Chun kung-fu with an almost fanatic devotion. The commendations that followed him up the bureaucracy were glowing. It seemed the only thing he really couldn't get over was a faint, smug smile- like he knew a private joke he'd never share.

When Chun Guo turned twenty-nine, he finally made it into the higher ranks of China's government- upper-level management, as it were, only a small bit ahead of the usual progression for men of his era. This, decided his friends, was cause for a party.

Chun Guo made a huge mistake. Horribly drunk, he slept with one of his superiors, a man who had an impressive amount of political clout. After, the superior swore he would never reveal that Chun Guo was a girl if only she agreed to be the superior's concubine. The superior thought that the only reason a girl may pretend to be a Moon Shadow and escape a life of luxury would be because they were barren. Chun Guo, though... She didn't tell.

This humiliated her. She couldn't bear this- ending up as exactly the thing she'd sought so long to avoid! A man's toy, she would think bitterly at night, tearing into pillows with clawed hands. Her face became creased with hate in the private time she eked out of her days. She dismissed the servant because she couldn't bear the judging looks, who returned to the Xun house. She smashed glass sculptures. The fury and impotent rage built up inside her until she couldn't avoid it. Searching for a way out, she turned to something she thought to be merely a rumor. But anything was better than this, she thought. Better than being a dog for a man she could no longer respect, knowing what he was like in the bedroom. She couldn't even respect herself.

Yet, every time she went to act on the urge, send away the application to this Wraith Sian, she would stop. She would think about it- surely this could not go on forever. And she had worked so hard, given up so much, to become the Moon Shadow who had risen so high in the bureaucracy... Every time, she would talk herself out of it.

For three terrible years, she dealt with the humiliation and dishonor, until, one month her moon's blood never showed. It wasn't late- it was gone. Chun Guo was mortified. To think that this thing could happen! She sent off the application to LOTUS, under the name Bellatrix Xun (the first name of her favorite soap opera star, a feminine vice she had never quite given up) no picture attached. It was not worth the risk. When she got a response, she acted immediately. It seemed imperative to get there, to make herself important, before the infirmity growing in her stomach was recognized.

Chun Guo- no, Bellatrix Xun- stabbed her superior in a moment of passion. Though the attack was not fatal, it did guarantee that the man would never say who had done it to him. To be injured by a female, of all things... No one would confess to it. No man, anyway.

Then she fled, taking the bags she had packed the night before. As she sat on a train headed towards the Himalayas, she rested one hand on her lightly rounded stomach and swore to herself that China would get no sons nor daughters- at least, not from the body of Bellatrix Xun.

To-Do List

-Get Asmadai to Level One (IMPORTANT)
-Draw Bellatrix as Bella Xun
-Masculine naaame? (Bellam? Something more Asian? Bai Zhao?) DONE!
-write fun things!
-check RL prices w/jyoti

Meme time

Date this form was created: 19 January 2009
Full name of Character: Xun Yi Xue, alias Da Chun Guo, alias Bellatrix Xun
Reason, meaning or purpose behind the name: Her birth name- she was named for her maternal ancestors in the first and second removed generation; the second name, her masculine name- convenience, it was the name on all the papers; Bellatrix is the name of her favorite soap opera character
Nickname: Bella
Reason for nickname: It makes sense
Race: human
Occupation/class: Bureaucrat
Social class: Upper middle class

Physical Appearance
Age: 28, though she says she's 32
How old they appear: Late twenties/early thirties
Eye Color: Dark brown
Glasses or contacts? no
Hair color length and style: Short, black
Weight and height: 5'8" 137lb
Type of body (build): Average, carries her weight around her hips but doesn't have much excess fat
Skin tone and type: Pale oriental; burns easily; scars easily. Calluses on palms, elbows, bottom of feet.
Shape of face: Round
Distinguishing marks: None, really. A couple of small scars from running into desks, etc. She fell off a wall once and has a small scar along the curve of her ribs.
Predominant feature: With makeup, eyes. Without, lips.
Is s/he healthy? Yes
If not, why not? Or why are they healthy? She didn't have much time to eat but found a lot of room in her schedule for practicing her martial arts. Though, this is a little negated by the fact that she smokes on occasion.
Do they look healthy? Why/why not? Yes, she looks toned, if a little on the warily thin side.

Favorites
Char’s favorite color: Red
Least favorite, why? Pink, on account of it being a stereotypically 'girl' color
Music? Traditional Chinese
Least favorite music, why? Hasn't got one, but doesn't like dischordants
Food: Pork fried rice
Literature: Traditional Chinese, particularly the Romance of the Three Kingdoms and just about anything written by Confucius
Expressions: Shut up; yes, sir; arrogantly smug
Expletives (curse): nǐ shì shénme dōngxi (you're less than human, literally: What kind of object are you?); chùsheng (animal)
Mode of transport: Trains
Hobbies: Working; martial arts; watching soap operas; eating
How do they spend a rainy day? ...It's the same as any other day, why spend it any different?

Personality
Are they a daredevil or cautious? A mix of both but certainly she'd err on the side of caution
Do they act the same alone as when with someone? No
Habits: Running her hands through her hair, fiddling with the hem on her sleeves, untying and retying ties on her clothing
Drinks: Prefers tea but drinks wine
How much: In social situations
Greatest Strength: Ability to seem like a different person while not actually changing her appearance
Greatest Weakness: Her temper and ego
Soft spot: her femininity- she despises being seen as a woman but is really quite proud of it in a 'Look, you didn't know it, but I did x and a woman isn't supposed to be able to do it'
Is their soft spot obvious, why/why not: No, because she doesn't act like a woman
If not, how do they hide it: she acts like a man and demeans other women as often as she can
Biggest Vulnerability: currently her pregnancy, normally her femininity

Background
Hometown: Kunming, Yunan Province
Type of childhood: Very good- spoiled beyond belief
First Memory: putting on a pair of red brocade shoes with gold silk dragon embroideries
Most important child hood event that still effects him/her: Learning that women were not allowed to have careers or lives of their own
Why? This knowledge caused her to buy Da Chun Guo's identity and run away.
Education: University
Religion: Atheist
Finances: Very good

Family
Mother: Xun Yi Yun
Relationship with her: Very good; Yi Yun was so proud of bearing a strong daughter for China that she didn't particularly care about anything else and spoiled Bella mercilessly. She was heartbroken when her daughter ran away. Bellatrix missed her very much but doesn't think of her often anymore.
Father: Xun Ming Hai
Relationship with him: Very good; Ming Hai, like his wife, was very proud of his daughter. He did attempt some form of discipline but didn't ever get too far because he couldn't imagine ever breaking his beloved child's spirit.
Siblings, How many, relationship with each: none

Attitude
Most at ease when: she is doing paperwork and listening to something classical
Most ill at ease when: she is at a social gathering where drinking will be required
Priorities: Keeping her secret, advancement in the workplace, advancement in her martial arts training
Philosophies: She adheres to Confucian ideals
How they feel about themselves: Bellatrix is very arrogant. She believes that because she could fool so many people for so long (seventeen years) she's superior. At the same time, she is ashamed because the only reason she accomplished everything is because she lied
Past failure they would be embarrassed to admit: She failed her scholar's test on the first try
Why? She CANNOT FAIL.
If granted one wish what would it be, why? She would wish that she had never gotten so drunk and slept with her superior

Traits
Optimist or pessimist? Why? Realist- one must always be prepared for the worst, look what happened when she thought she couldn't screw up
Introvert or extrovert? Why? Introvert- she learned to keep secrets very well over seventeen years of them
Drives and motives: To succeed. Bella has to succeed or... Well, she hasn't thought of anything but succeeding, where succeeding is defined as not failing, not being found out, getting promoted.
Talents: Paperwork! Following rules; covering her a**; Wing-chun kung-fu; acting.
Extremely skilled at: Paperwork; kung-fu; acting
Extremely unskilled at: Keeping her temper reined in; managing to work through depression; pretty much anything relating to how she really feels
Good characteristics: She's stubborn? Proud of herself so doesn't accept anything less than her best; takes good care of her appearance
Character flaws: Arrogance, temper, very selfish, has to always look beautiful no matter what she's pretending to be
Mannerisms: Tends to stand oddly still and doesn't blink much; glances over her shoulder very often, walks in a "manly" fashion but fusses over her appearance in a very girly way
Peculiarities: has a great many "male" mannerisms. Can sometimes take the smallest slights as huge affronts
Biggest regret: Sleeping with her superior, as she feels it ruins 17 years of hard work
Minor regrets: never saying a proper goodbye to her parents; dismissing her body servant; cutting her hair like that; not insisting on birth control
Biggest accomplishment: Being a woman in her time period and continuing to reach the upper levels of the bureaucracy
Minor accomplishments: Mastering kung-fu, hiding her gender, calligraphy of some skill
Darkest secret: She's a girl
Does anyone know? Her ex-superior
How did they find out: They got drunk and slept together

Self-perception
One word they would use to describe themselves: Accomplished
One paragraph of how they would describe themselves: She feels that she's done a lot more than she should have been expected to do and is very proud of that fact. Being a good Chinese man, she does her duty to her superiors as best she can and gives it her all. Sometimes she slips up, but that's besides the point. She is good at hiding what she is, but succeeds at whatever she sets her mind to.
What do they consider their best physical characteristic and why: Her hair, it's soft and silky.
The worst one? Why? Her lips, they're too obviously feminine
Are they realistic assessments? Yes and no.
If not, why not? The assessment of her best characteristic is, but I would say that her worst physical characteristic is her a** >__>; Because that's where all her weight seems to go, even if no one notices
How they think others percieve them: Successful, talented
What four things would they most like to change about themselves: She's actually pretty happy with her self, but she would want to be much more impervious to alcohol, more masculine and also she would preferably have red hair.
Why? Well, then it would be harder to get drunk. And also, Bellatrix Lacroix has red hair.
If they were changed would they be the same person, why/why not: No, because then she would have never found such an untenable situation as to make her the temperamental person she is today, nor would she have left to join LOTUS. Also she would have red hair.
Would changing of number 1 make them more happy? Why/why not: Perhaps, because she might have been happy one day finding a man she actually loved to marry and have babies with, but she might have also lived a lonely existence until her death
Interaction with other people: Tends to be mostly confrontational for now, because of her hormones and the stress on her from her situation for the last three years of her life. Normally she can actually carry on polite conversation and interacts well with others, if being a little cold.
How do they relate to others: She finds it hard, being mostly embroiled in her own troubles.
How are they perceived by strangers: A deservedly arrogant androgyne, I guess.
Friends: None in particular
Wife/husband/lover: Her ex-superior but that kind of ended badly
The Hero/Heroine: Wraith Sian and Shee Sian, I guess?
How do they view the Hero/Heroine: She thinks Wraith is 'less than human' and dislikes him, but is respectful of his authority in the "I hate you, but I'll do it because you outrank me FOR NOW" sort of way. She likes Shee, but in an "I envy you" fashion.

Goals
Immediate: Get out of Beijing and preferably China too; get rid of the baby
Long term: Advance to the highest rank she can inside LOTUS
How do they plan to accomplish them: Joining LOTUS; abortion or adoption; same way she accomplishes all her goals, by keeping at it
How will others be effected by this: Well, if she never joined LOTUS they wouldn't have to deal with her hormones. XD
Problems/Crisis: She can't actually bring herself to abort the child because China needs children so badly, but her pride won't allow her to bring it to term. She regrets leaving her parents behind and needs to know they're okay.
How do they react in a crisis: Almost subhumanly cold. She tries to shut off her emotions, but they well up later at horribly inopportune times.
How do they face problems: She faces them well, finding ways to resolve them with a minimum of drawing attention to herself. This is suspended temporarily due to hormones.
Kind of problems they usually run into: How to deal with social situations (ex. Locker rooms in an all-boy's school)
How they react to new problems: Hide out until she thinks of something
How they react to change: Not very well, resists it as best she can

General
Favorite clothing, why: Chinese man's hanfu, black with red trim and a silver pendant hanging off it
Least favorite, why: Jeans, she finds them uncomfortable
Jewelry: A silver bracelet with black opal stones here
Other accessories: Earrings, simple silver studs
Drives: She doesn't
Where do they live: A smallish loft in Beijing, China
Where do they want to live: A bigger loft in Beijing
Spending habits, why: Something of a spendthrift on everything but clothing and accessories; she loves to look pretty
What do they do too much of, why: Work, because she almost never socialized
Most prized possession, why: Red silk nightgown, something the servant who went to Beijing with her brought back after visiting her family
People they secretly admire, why: She used to admire her superior
Person they are most influenced by, why: Her mother, her superior- they sent her where she is today, basically
Most important person in their life before story starts, why: The superior, who shows up a lot it seems, because he basically molded her from a model Chinese man into a woman who had to get out of a situation she could no longer stand
How do they spend the week just before the story starts: Traveling by train to the Himalayas

Zige: I think that Bella probably wouldn't know what led her [to LOTUS], maybe she applied on impulse or something. Hmm.
Zige: Like, "This probably won't work but I am doing it for kicks and while slightly drunk off my a** but only a little honest officer i only had one!!"
Jyoti: LOL
Jyoti: BEST REASON EVER
Jyoti: I can already imagine her aptitude test
Zige: DO SHARE, I AM CURIOUS
Jyoti: THE CRACK TEST RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND!?!
Zige: YES
Jyoti: It goes like this: Bella is sitting in a chair, thinking of some random reason she could give to Wraith, who's glowering, of course, and there is long and awkward silence. And then she just says she was drunk because she can't be bothered to think of a lie. And THEN Eknephias bursts in and kidnaps her and they get married in Las Vegas.
Jyoti: END OF STORY

It's peachy keen!

No, her parents don't know where she is, or if they do they think she's still in Beijing. They haven't had contact with her since she left.

She does not want the baby; ignoring the fact that the baby would probably be in huge, ridiculous amounts of danger just being at LOTUS she doesn't want to be percieved as a woman, she wants to be percieved as capable, and she knows that if she has a baby people will think "woman with a baby" before they think "a capable co-worker"...

Which she totally does not want! XD

She doesn't know what she's doing while she's coming to LOTUS and so she's planning to keep the baby a secret as long as she can, or at least until she knows. Like I said, she knows China needs children, particularly girls, and she is proud of her nation, so she doesn't want to abort the baby. But at the same time, she hates the child with a passion, so she does want to get rid of it.

And yes, I've thought of this. I definitely plan for her to "come out" (giggles.) as a woman outside of her own time table, but I've never posted anything about it.

Actually, it might be time to do another "Bella Answers" comic. I will hand-draw it so it's not as shitty this time.