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 Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:49 pm
Fireflies
To capture just this moment,
To capture just this kiss,
It’s been such a long time,
Since I’ve felt life like this.
It’s like the days of Tinkerbell,
The days of no more lies,
So let us capture this,
Just like fireflies.
Let it light our way,
Put the moment in a jar,
Then we’ll see how similar,
Kisses and fireflies are.
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:58 pm
It's a really good poem. The one thing I noticed though was that it doesn't really flow at all, the words are sort of stop and start. Maybe just fiddle with the words a bit so they flow a bit better.
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Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 5:44 pm
it is a good poem. it has a great meaning but a few lines in it loses its flow.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 7:58 pm
 It was certainly interesting. Short and somewhat vague, but isn't that what it feels like during a kiss? You get all hazy and light-headed and giddy? It sets a well-enough mood, but again a bit short. You should elaborate a lot more next time. It's a great poem, though!
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Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 4:14 pm
THIS POEM
IT WON A PRIZE FOR SPOTLIGHT OF APRIL
WOOOOOO.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 8:16 pm
I think some of the problem in flow comes from having a punctuation mark at the end of every line. I don't think it's quite necessary and it causes a bit too harsh of a stop, so that the flow is interrupted slightly.
But the poem itself was beautiful! I love the Tinkerbell illusion, it packed a lot of meaning into the tiny poem.
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Posted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 10:16 pm
I really liked this poem(exspecially the last few lines) but I felt it could have been more fluent.
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