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I'm considering dropping out of college. I'll graduate in 2 months, but it's all too stressful for me. I have a mental disorder (bipolar) and I have NO help here. The options my school gives me for mental help are bullshit. This morning I found myself acting like I had lost my mind. I threw a glass across the room, started hitting myself and ripping out my hair, and came really close to slitting my wrists. But I only have 2 months left. I don't know if I can deal with the shame and embarrassment of being a failure and quitting. That's really the only reason why I'm still here. These 2 months are going to be the most difficult as well. We're working on our final portfolios, and everything we make is going to be judged at an assembly-type ordeal. My heart isn't in it anymore, but I don't think I should quit. I don't think I should be here either. I don't know. I just need some help. I am so lost right now.

I don't think I can make it. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to the school and see what the whole dropping out process is. I can't handle the pain anymore. I keep praying that god will kill me so I won't have to make the choice. Yesterday I was waiting for my mother to leave the room so that I could slit my wrists. She never left the room though. I'm not right. I don't need a ******** degree in psychology to figure that out. There's something seriously wrong with me. My mom won't even let me drive because I was thinking about driving head-on to a semi-truck.

My moods have shifted a lot and now I feel happy and stuff...so I'm not going to drop out. Well, I'm not exactly happy but I'm not really suicidal either. I don't know.