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NeoPaladinOfLight Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 11:43 am
Arimwen Fireax of Myrk I find personality comes as you roleplay them. He can expand the personality and backstory over his first few post in charrie. I mean a person is alwasy adapting and changing so. Lets see where this land back charrie goes. Although this is true, it's still a good idea to have a fleshed out personality from the start. Otherwise, there's nothing to develop. Unless a person was born yesterday, the personality should be more than one or two lines.
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 7:23 pm
so, anything else i need to change?
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NeoPaladinOfLight Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:43 am
I guess you're good. I'd still like a little more insight on your dude's personality, but it's good enough for this. You're a part of that team--Loki Squad? Yeah, you're with them. So approved.
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Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 10:32 am
Max Tenryo _______________________________________________________________Name: Max Tenryo
Nickname: Max
Gender:Male
Race:Human.
Birthdate:1/22/92
Age: 18
Blood type:A+
_______________________________________________________________
Occupation: Bounty Hunter
Mode of Transportation: Motorcycle.
Hobbies:Killing Homunculus, eating pizza, and relaxing.
Motto:Who's next?
Appearance: Brown hair, brown eyes, green jacket, and he has a tattoo of a black dragon around his right forearm, and he's 6''1.
Personality:Max is the type of guy who covers up his pain about his family by trying to live a carefree live and trying to find the better things in life instead of looking at all the bad things that happened to his life.
Background:Max was born into a family of Alchemist warriors. He always looked up to his father and always wanted to be like him in every way imaginable. So he joined the Alchemist warriors when he was 13. When he came back home from his first mission his mother and father where killed by a Homunculus. He tried to you fight him but loss. So now he's trying to find the Homunculus who killed his father and seek revenge on him.
_______________________________________________________________
Who you Fight for: Alchemist warriors
Rank: Warrior in training.
Team:none so far
Rival(s): The Homunculus who killed his father and mother.
_______________________________________________________________
Kakugane Serial Number:
Name of Primary Kakugane: Buso Renkin:Angel Tear.
Special Ability Of your Buso Renkin: Angel tear has a thin layer of a high tech lazer that wraps around the edge of it's blade that acts like a chainsaw. It can also cut thru the thickset armor known to Homunculus and any Alchemist warrior alive.
Image of your Buso Renkin:
Other Equipment:Cell phone and a locket around his neck with a picture of his dead parents.
_______________________________________________________________
Theme song: Ghetto Commandments by T-Pain feat. Snoop Dogg & Mack Maine.
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NeoPaladinOfLight Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:51 am
Dante with Pandora's Box, eh? I'm not so sure. Well first off, before we get down to the Buso Renkin, I'd like you to do me a big favor and work on expanding his background and personality a bit. I don't really have a feel for who this guy is...at all. All you said was that his dad died and he's laid back. Not really following.
Why? Well, first off for someone who's had his dad killed in the line of duty, I wouldn't really peg that type of person as the dude who would be care free about everything. Why'd he get carefree? He obviously cared enough to join the army. Is his carefree-itude something he uses to cope with the fact that he might die some day like his dad? Explore that a bit. I know you can explore it in the RP, but at least touch on that in explaining how he acts. That's what I'm looking for in personality, not necessarily adjectives, but how he really acts.
As for background, I'd like a lil' more thought into things too. Again, all you said was that his dad got killed by a homunculus. Give me at least a paragraph of what he's been through before joining the Alchemists. If you have to, imagine that this'll be your first post recapping over everything important your character's been through up til now.
While you do that, I'll be thinking about whether or not Pandora's Box would work in an RP like this. Pulling out one of six-hundred sixty six weapons whenever you want is sorta cheap, and seems sort of lazy when it comes to writing, but I'm not saying it's a no right now.
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Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:45 pm
NeoPaladinOfLight Dante with Pandora's Box, eh? I'm not so sure. Well first off, before we get down to the Buso Renkin, I'd like you to do me a big favor and work on expanding his background and personality a bit. I don't really have a feel for who this guy is...at all. All you said was that his dad died and he's laid back. Not really following. Why? Well, first off for someone who's had his dad killed in the line of duty, I wouldn't really peg that type of person as the dude who would be care free about everything. Why'd he get carefree? He obviously cared enough to join the army. Is his carefree-itude something he uses to cope with the fact that he might die some day like his dad? Explore that a bit. I know you can explore it in the RP, but at least touch on that in explaining how he acts. That's what I'm looking for in personality, not necessarily adjectives, but how he really acts. As for background, I'd like a lil' more thought into things too. Again, all you said was that his dad got killed by a homunculus. Give me at least a paragraph of what he's been through before joining the Alchemists. If you have to, imagine that this'll be your first post recapping over everything important your character's been through up til now. While you do that, I'll be thinking about whether or not Pandora's Box would work in an RP like this. Pulling out one of six-hundred sixty six weapons whenever you want is sorta cheap, and seems sort of lazy when it comes to writing, but I'm not saying it's a no right now. ok how about now?
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NeoPaladinOfLight Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 6:26 am
That's good. I approve, and thanks for changing the Buso Renkin. That should work better. Make your thread.
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 11:49 am
I'm gonna put Belial in the NPCs...
I haven't had time to really do any RP lately, and when I come back I have an idea I've been kicking around that I want to play with.
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:26 pm
Kichiku Mizuru _______________________________________________________________Name: Mizuru, Kimichiku Nickname: ZuZu
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Birthdate: Feb, 26th
Age: 18
Blood type: O
_______________________________________________________________
Occupation: Third year Highschooler Mode of Transportation: FEET! >:U
Hobbies: Whatever she can.
Motto: "If you don't try and save one life you will never save any."
Appearance: Exactly like the pick up there except with the School uniform instead of the kimono and her hair is a bit shorter cause she cut it.
Personality: Zu is an Average invisible student. She keeps to herself and doesn't make any attempt at relationships out of fear of rejection. She is passive by nature and doesn't like unnecessary fighting. She is also kind and tries to help in anyway she can when she can. Though it is hard for her to try and help unless asked due to her fear of being pushed away by others.
Background: Kimichiku was about four years old when her father abandoned her and her mother who was ill. ZuZu had an older brother who was taken with her father when he divorced Zu's mother. She never saw her older brother again nor heard from him or her father. Her mother was just an average single mom who happened to be sick. As soon as ZuZu was able to she got a job to help her mother out. Her medicine took a lot of money and soon the child support money stopped coming and Zu's mother died from her disease about around her 18th birthday. Her whole life she never really made any real friends due to her fathers over possessive and liquor driven rage and verbal abuse. This made her fear men and fear rejection from other girls. As to why she fears rejection from girls? Even she doesn't know why. After her mom died she had to move into the schools dorms since her small part time job couldn't provide her with enough money to support a lease on an apartment. Despite being closer to her classmates she still made little effort to interact with anyone. On her eighteenth birthday she opened the box her mother gave her before she died and found a hexagonal piece of metal with roman numerals on it. She didn't know what they meant but she also saw her mothers hairpin and began to cry. After she regained herself she put the pin in her hair and decided to wear it everywhere she went. She didn't know what the chunk of metal was but she decided to keep it with her assuming it was some sorta lucky charm or something. She still does not know what it is.
_______________________________________________________________
Who you Fight for: "My self and my friends...when I get some..."
Rank: N/A Team: N/A
Rival(s): None _______________________________________________________________
Kakugane Serial Number: [Serial number of your Kakugane, once your number has been approved it will be added to the list]
Name of Primary Kakugane: Dragon Skin
Special Ability Of your Buso Renkin: Incredible defensive properties and the ability to put up a paper thin shield that guards against and absorbs energy type attacks. The armor absorbs some of the impacts while protecting from most any slashing attacks. The heat generated from something striking her armor is also absorbed. When enough energy is absorbed it can be used for one of two things, Exploding in all directions with enough force to blow a door of a bank safe open and rip it in half pretty much at the same time or, heal someone who is wounded by a kiss of life. *only applies for other's. she can only heal normally like other kakugane users*
Image of your Buso Renkin:

Other Equipment: A box her mother gave her that contained her Kakugane and her hair pin.
_______________________________________________________________
Theme song: Healing Vision track five
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 6:32 pm
Well, okay...I don't think profile approval is exactly my department, but just offhand, the abilities of the Dragon Skin sound a bit off the charts. From what I'm reading here, it has nigh perfect defense, massive offense, and miraculous healing powers. While I can't speak for everyone, that sounds a bit much. Could you tone it down...or at least more clearly define what the limitations are, and what conditions have to be met to use the secondary effects?
Also, a Buso Renkin gets its form from the kind of person who summons it, and your background is a bit...well...sparse. It would be nice to see you go into a bit more detail. For example, you say she inherited her kakugane from her mother. So tell us what kind of a woman her mother was. What about her father and brother? All I know from your profile is that the existed and are out of her life. Did her mother love her father? Why did he leave? Why is big brother gone with him and she with her mother? Really, any details you can give will not only help us to understand your character, but you to have a better idea of how to play her yourself.
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:08 pm
a couple of things, first is that the armor can only heal others and its not lke "Oh your 100% healed!" and the defensive properties only guard against getting cut to all hell *main cause of death to humans in battle is puncture/laceration injury* secondly i only included the dad a little because she was FOUR YEARS OLD meaning she doesn't remember much except the abusiveness. if you want more about mommy dearest here, "Her mother was just an average single mother who happened to be sick. As soon as ZuZu was able to she got a job to help her mother out. Her medicine took a lot of money and soon the child support money stopped coming and Zu's mother died from her disease. "
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Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:15 pm
there i even added a few specifications -3-
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 2:38 pm
Hey hey, being snippy isn't going to get you anywhere. Being the mooching layabout I am, I stay away from profiles. Frankly because Neo tends to do a better job than I do. But he's right, you know. The bio isn't about what she knows it's about her life. She doesn't need to know everything, but we need to know more. Honestly, you didn't give us much to work with. And the lacking details don't even make her look mysterious, just not very well thought out. Her personality needs work too.
~~~
" Incredible defensive properties " - Profile " and the defensive properties only guard against getting cut to all hell " - Your Post
Is it just me, or are those statements contradictory?
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:44 pm
**I apologize before hand for all if any offensive things I might say or that are taken as offensive to any and all persons**
my keyboard sucks cause its an old laptop so the really in front of the only didn't get typed. i was also in a bad mood cause i was in a lot of pain and we just had to put down one of our dogs...I'm sorry for being "snippy" and i have a hard time coming up with Bio's. oh and my bio is at least a line bigger then the profile above me which was approved -3- and how does a bio affect an RP? especially when no one but her knows about it? Aside from me knowing her background its useless for you guys to know it since it would technically *if you want to get down to the smallest detail* it would be GM to have your character act in anyway that would hint your character knew anything that wasn't told to him/her by mine. and as for the personality its hard to describe a traumatized persons personality in insane depths. I feel i don't need to make her personality description thirty pages long *over dramatization* Nor tell you EVERYTHING!!! about my characters family who are dead or gone! forever!.....
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Arimwen Fireax of Myrk Crew
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Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:27 pm
These are suggestions. You can take them or fight them, but either way you deal with them. They ask you to change or add things more to see how you develop background and weapons. I agree with the weapon. It is to much. Captain Bravo who had a defense weapon did not have a weapon that strong even when using two. I would say allow for the asbording of engery or slashing, maybe both and drop one of the two benefits.
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