Welcome to Gaia! ::

Wife from Hell


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn
it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah,
well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over
so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns
to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"


I love this part....


"Only when he's been drinking."

*busts out laughing* that is the funniest driving joke I've ever heard!

Ok, here's to hoping nobody has posted this joke yet...

A blond, brunette, and a red head are stranded on a desert. All three are walking the milky white sands when suddenly they stumble upon a genie lamp. Upon picking up the lamp, the genie comes out and agrees to give each woman one wish....

The red head wishes for a bottle of water, her wish is granted.

The brunette wishes for food, her wish is granted.

The blond wishes for a car door.

Puzzled, the brunette and the red head turn to the blond and ask why she wished for a car door... in turn the blond replied happily...

"So I can roll down the window and keep cool"


Pretty silly, eh?

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart. So she asked her neighbor for advice. He suggested that she cut the tail off one of the horses. This worked until the other horse snagged his tail on a fence. So the neighbor suggested notching one of the horses' ear. This worked until the other horse snagged his ear on a fence. So the neighbor suggested measuring the heights of the horses. And sure enough, the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.

Q: Whats big and white and full of semen*?
A: A Submarine.. hehe

Note *=(sea-men)

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Madame.

Madame who?

Madame foot will be up your a**, if you don't open this door!

There were 2 boys in a school. so the first little boy came in late for class. the teacher asked " Excuse me little one, why are u so late, where have u been?". the boy replied " On top of Cherry Hill". the teacher eyes widened as if shocked and called the little boys parents. The next day the second little boy came late to class.

Teacher: excuse me little boy, where have you been, your late for class?
Second little boy: sorry Miss. ive been on top of cherry hill

the teacher was shocked and called the little boys parents.
Teacher: excuse me sir, but your son says he's been coming late because he's been on top of cherry hill. is this true?

The father: Cherry hill?

The teacher: yes cherry hill.. why do you ask?

The father: cherry hill is my daughter....

lol nice jokeeeee