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Rimmer, what's your best chat up line?

Question for rimmer:
If there are millions of bunks and beds and rooms and things of the like all over red dwarf, then howcome you stayed in the same room with lister after everyone got turned into chalk dust?

Also: Why does everyone hate Talkie Toaster? Toast is so tasty, though.

"Right. then. Let's get to work on the first one, shall we?

On the subject of beds: It's just too much trouble to walk the great distances to talk to someone. Red Dwarf is practically a small city, you know; and if I had to walk miles before I could chew Lister out for something then I'd burn up all the energy that I'd pent up anyway. I wouldn't have the drive to be angry. I'd just stand there and pant. Bleh!

On the subject of toast: I don't hate toast. I hate talking toasters. I hate people who imtiate talking toasters. Talking toasters are perhaps the bane of everyone's existence. That's why you've only ever seen that particular one. It was bad enough that the whole of mankind gave up on the idea of ever having another Talkie Toaster ever again.

On the subject of sharing rooms: See above answer.

On the subject of my smeg-tastic good looks: Well, you know... everyone likes someone with self-confidence. ... even if it's just enough self-confidence and arrogance to cover up extreme self-loathing and a desire to hit everyone in sight. mrgreen Therefore, why do you think the 'bad boys,' the ones who couldn't give one half a smeg about your existence, get all the attention? Because they're arrogant, and because people desire what they can't truly have, and because I'm just smegging cute, that's why. If cavernous nostrils, hair like a Brillo-pad and ears that are reminiscent of elephants are cute. Which apparently they are, as Keldan keeps telling me. Dear God get her off me... and by the way, don't call me bonehead, you slimy banana peel on the compost heap of life."

... okay, Rimmer, that's enough hitting. I'm off, I'm off! gonk

Ahem. There ya have it. I personally think the accent definitely adds something to Rimmer's certain, erm, appeal. xd But then, I'm an American, surrounded by "y'alls" and boring voices. Le sigh.

Ok Rimmer, I've got a question... 4laugh

If 3 slightly crazy girls approached you and stated extremely loudly that they were your biggest fans... what would you do?

twisted

(Rimmers taps his forefinger to lips, which are tight in concentration.) "I believe I would first be quite astonished. And then I would be slightly flattered. And then I would probably run screaming into the night. Or day, as the case may be. Though in space there isn't quite so much day as there is night..."

"Gazpacho soup... ugh. Wait, would this be before or after I could propose marriage to Lister so I could be resurrected? Because there's going to be a definitely different tone to my answer depending on whether I'm dead-- and therefore unable to eat gazpacho soup OR interfere with the extremely attractive woman in a sexual manner-- or alive-- in which case... I may have to take that soup. Depending on what she promised. Yes.

If Talkie Toaster offered me a bowl of cocoa puffs I would probably still refuse. If you pay attention to them, it just encourages them.

Well... I would propose. And then once I was alive I'd take it back. How's that for a loophole, you smarmy little inquisitor?"

Rimmer's all about those details, ain't he?

"I like myself single. Good that that's been cleared up, though.

I've apparently got three slightly unstable girls stalking me that would be quite happy to tell you otherwise. However, I wouldn't recommend trying to approach them at feeding time."