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 Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:05 pm
The boy stood on the burning deck.
But he was just trying to stop his pack of cards from going up in smoke.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:06 pm
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.
Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"
The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:07 pm
Another man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned because he couldn't concentrate.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:11 pm
Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:13 pm
Q: What do you get if you cross a mafia boss with a modern artist?
A: Someone who'll make you an offer you can't understand.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:15 pm
The story of Mary Poppins as a nanny is well known. Less well-known is her subsequent tale....
She traveled to Hollywood, where she opened a shop on Sunset Boulevard as a fortune-teller. Of course we already know she has supernatural powers, so it's no surprise that she was quite skilled in fortune-telling, and her reputation grew rapidly.
She continued to tell fortunes, and found that in particular, she always received a very strong premonition whenever someone was about to have an onset of bad breath. Her predictions of this turned out to be accurate 100% of the time. In order to publicise her success at this, she had a large sign placed above her door, which read: Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:16 pm
The Romans didn't find algebra very challenging, because X was always 10.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:18 pm
"Oh no - Another one died on me!" said the doctor, running out of patience.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:19 pm
Three drunks were walking past the England National Stadum, in London.
The first one says "Look - ish Wembley!"
The second one says "Nah - itsh Thurshday."
The third one says "Thatsh a good idea - letsh get a drink."
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:20 pm
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. But then we tried to get his tusks off, which was very difficult. Of course in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa... But that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about...
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:21 pm
Today, I had a patient who had two carrots up his nose, a radish in one ear and a stick of celery in the other ear.
He said, "Doc, I'm not feeling well."
I told him, "That's because you're not eating right."
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:22 pm
A couple went to a pet shop and ended up buying a lion (as you do). The shop owner had told them that unfortunately the lion had an odd allergy to wet weather and that raindrops would actually hurt it.
One day the lion was outside when the couple heard cries form the garden. "What's that noise?" asked the man. "It's the lion", his wife replied, "it's roaring with pain."
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:25 pm
Alligator - Someone who makes allegations.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:25 pm
A con-man called me on the telephone, but he didn't fool me - I could tell-he's-phone-y.
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Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:26 pm
Chinese saying: He who speak with forked tongue not need chopsticks.
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