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 Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 10:58 am
Parari Soul Tear, what's "uneedeth"? You used "your" wrong. I think most of the "your" words in the poem are supposed to be "you're". I'll stop criticizing now. The idea is okay, but with some elaboration, it could be better. It sounds more like a song. You can also use more creative words instead of "good" and "bad." Those words are too cliche. You can expand the emotion in the poem more by using different words. Uneedeth = not needing/needed (it was a lot easier to say than "not being needed) and I only missused "your" once only the one in the second part needed to be "you're"
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Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 12:31 pm
Soul Tear Parari Soul Tear, what's "uneedeth"? You used "your" wrong. I think most of the "your" words in the poem are supposed to be "you're". I'll stop criticizing now. The idea is okay, but with some elaboration, it could be better. It sounds more like a song. You can also use more creative words instead of "good" and "bad." Those words are too cliche. You can expand the emotion in the poem more by using different words. Uneedeth = not needing/needed (it was a lot easier to say than "not being needed) and I only missused "your" once only the one in the second part needed to be "you're" ok biggrin
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Parari~Flight~ Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:57 am
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Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 7:01 am
i also posted it in my journal...
i also have another poem in my journnal so i'll post it here.
check out my journal.its got shithouse comics like the one in my av.
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Parari~Flight~ Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 8:01 am
You're welcome biggrin Will you read my poem?
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Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 11:17 am
enlightenedone i also posted it in my journal... i also have another poem in my journnal so i'll post it here. check out my journal.its got shithouse comics like the one in my av. you know if you start your own journal you can post everything in it... its not just for this guild... you can put your comics in it too... just an idea.....
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Parari~Flight~ Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 11:54 am
Won't anyone read my poem? crying
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Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 4:54 pm
*SCREAMS* THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE JOINING, BUT NO ONE POSTS! WHAT THE HECK?!
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Parari~Flight~ Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 11:57 am
Parari: I would love to read your poem- post it and i'll read it!
I wrote a poem (be kind to it- it's short and in its first draft):
why am i here
why do i feel
this way
when all the world's a miracle
why do i still cry
why can't you try to see
the way this world
looks to me
why can't you see
i need my miracles
to survive
Please be nice! sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:08 pm
I would kind of like to get to know everyone alittle better. We should all post a little bio on ourselves so that others know who we are and where we're coming from! wink
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Parari~Flight~ Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:48 pm
My poem is on the second page or so. Finally, someone at least WANTS to read my poem!
....your poem....sounds like lyrics....Avril Lavigne lyrics, but....yeah.
The idea's okay, but needs lots of development.
Maybe I should start a thread teaching you guys about methods for writing poetry and shtuff....like iambic pentameter....
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 3:50 pm
Oh my gosh..why is it in EVERY poetry club there's at least one person who thinks they are better than everyone else? I wrote that in like 10 seconds SO CHILL, I don't need "lessons" on writing. And even if I did, what qualifications do you have? stare
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Parari~Flight~ Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 5:28 pm
I don't think I'm better than everyone else. You asked for criticism, and I gave it to you. I really wish that people wouldn't take criticism so harshly. This is a writing guild, and I assume that you post your poems so you can improve. I'm asking for criticism. I know you wrote that in 10 seconds, I can tell. I told you, I like the idea of it. I just said it needs more development. I'm in English college classes even though I'm a sophomore. If you don't want criticism, tell me. I don't mean anything in a harsh way. If I've offended you, I apologize. Remember, you don't need to listen to all of my comments. Just take what you like from my criticism, and improve! That's all I'm trying to help you do.
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 5:57 pm
English college classes? Does that mean that you're in high school, or college? We Canadians speak a different language when it comes to schooling, so speak in lamen's terms for me.
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Parari~Flight~ Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 12:15 pm
I'm in high school, 10th grade.
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