Let's get this thread to 1,000 pages! or a million posts.

[Ruined Horizon]

Chaos Reclaimer

My friend has a black mainecoon that likes to jump onto people's shoulders.

I had a Maine Coone that was my dear boy . . . I miss him dearly. He may have been an utter dumbass, but I love him to this day.  

[Ruined Horizon]

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[Ruined Horizon]

I have written this to try and avoid spoilers while giving an honest review of my problems with the new Trans4mers movie. I may have some spoilers in there, but still . . . I tried to avoid them. Reading this at your own risk is now fair to say.







Transformers: Age of Extinction . . . because reasons.

This film is the epitome of the phrase “because reasons.” So much happened in this movie for reasons that either make no sense, or because the plot wanted them to. Let me preface this rant with a simple distinction- It was a decent action movie. It was a bad transformers movie. It was a Bay movie. The mythos of the film further separated from anything resembling the accepted cannon of anything from the intellectual property. The first 10 minutes are about how aliens came down (not TFs) and caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. This blatant slap in the face to all scientific reason is the door opening on the way this film will continue.

Let’s be up-front about something else. I am a scientist, and am willing to suspend my disbelief to accept a millennia-old civil war between sentient robotic lifeforms that found the ability to change from one shape to another. Better yet, that alternative mode could be changed at will, like resetting a program to a new configuration. The list of improbabilities that entails is absurdly long and all that is pushed aside for the enjoyment of a film. Likely the breach of that level of acceptance can be summed up in a single word. The magic McGuffin that Michael Bay used to bypass one of my favorite points of contention. In the commercials, you have a man saying “It’s what they’re made of.” That miracle metal is called . . . wait for it . . . ‘transformium.’ By all that’s holy, I’m not making this crap up. Transformium. That single bit of lazy writing not seen since the mid-1980s is the greatest dumbing-down slap in the face I have heard in a long time. It is what allowed humans to make our own transformers “And make them better.”

Which brings us to the most visual issues. The transformation sequence of all but one of the villain TFs is done via them disassembling into a floating horde of bubbles for lack of better description. This swarm of squares and spheres fly about (often in up to three separate paths simultaneously) and reform in either the bot or altmode. Problem one: how do they fly? What in any world’s physics allows these particles of metal to fly for any length of time??? Often when the character ‘Stinger,’ or the evil-red-bee, did not fully color himself for several seconds after changing to bot configuration. He remains pale metal hued until a couple seconds pass before his red color comes in. Such is true of all the manmade TFs. That really stuck in my mind as absurd. Problem two: DotM came out three years ago. How in the nine hells is it that the CG got WORSE? These sphere-formers look like green-screen additions, and the difference is terrible. I’m sorry, but there is no other way to describe it. It sticks out badly.

Story. It was okay, really. Not opera, but passable. One notable change is the lack of the US military coming in to save the day. In this film, there is a several minute standoff involving the character Hound. Honestly, he has more lines in the film than Prime. I don’t mind, as John Goodman did a good job there, and I did enjoy the character. Still, on the way home it connected that there were no military actions for the good guys, but the one that was an American military vehicle stood his own for the longest in a firefight, and kept going until he was literally out of every gun and ammunition (Including the giant bullet he uses as a cigar). Product placement was blatant and absurd, but that is par for Bay’s course. Explosions were rampant and gratuitous, but that is also par for Bay.

Humans. Passable. I saw a new family get established as the go-to humans for the remaining five Autobots, and they had a fair amount of the movie to themselves. They weren’t annoying to me, nor were they endearing. The humans were . . . there. Autobots were something I have trouble describing without pointing out a very important fact. The film had no Decepticons. None. Yes, the character names of Lockdown and Galvatron are in the film. Lockdown is a bountyhunter and has no allegiance. In fact he has a line denouncing both bots and cons as children fighting. He has no love for either side. Galvatron is part of the Magic McGuffin crew. Now, armed with that knowledge, the Autobots are hunted and now only remain at 5. Hound and Crosshairs repeatedly want to turn the humans around them into greasy smears- and Bay did a good job of giving them a motivation to do just that. You want them to destroy humans. You really do! Not just the bad ones, but all of em. In fact when Prime is first resuscitated from his stasis lock, his first action was to pull his gun and threaten repeatedly to kill every human in sight. Bay has successfully converted one of the paragons of virtue and freedom into a murderous killing machine barely holding his trigger finger in check . . . and made me wonder why he was still holding back at all. So, the cons are gone, the Bots are borderline Cons, and Galvatron only has his voice actor as a redeeming quality. Nice.

Transformium. Yes, I am cursing like mad at that one tidbit. Pandering on the most basic level.

Dinobots . . . here is Bay in a nutshell. They were the selling point of the film in all the commercials. “Look, we have Optimus Prime with sword and shield riding Grimlock!” then you see the toys “Look, the Autobots ride the dinobots into battle!” Then you see the film . . . and there is no explanation on how they received the dino modes. Across no less than four dino robots (not dinobots, mind you), there are no lines spoken, no faction insignias, no mention of history other than calling them “knights,” no personalities. Bay has been on record as saying he did not like the dinobots, and in this he put them in the film and reduced them to horses; beasts to be ridden into battle and ignored/set free at the end. That was not Grimlock, Slag/Slug, Swoop/Strafe, or Scorn. Those were colorless metal creations that had no personality and were utterly disposable. Furthermore, they were tamed by one punch. Not even one each! Prime hit the lead dino once and then got on. I was utterly disappointed. Michael Bay’s hatred for the dinobots was beyond evident as he took an iconic team of characters and turned them into nothing on-screen. There was even a line ridiculing them further as one of the Autobots saw them turn into dinosaurs and said "I expected a giant car." Subtle.

All this is from the evaluation of a transformers movie. As an action movie, it was okay. Plenty of explosions, screaming, and slo-mo narrow escapes. There was a pretty girl in danger, and a man got filthy while he used a gun on the enemies. There were moments of camaraderie between the lead human and the lead robot, and in the end the baddies were killed or beaten back. It is a decent action film. However, as a TF film, this was a pandering slap in the face with so many plot holes that it made me question why I saw fit to give it a chance.

So yeah, a Bay movie- because reasons. I do not suggest you pay full price for this.  

[Ruined Horizon]

I am a sucker for cats in general. Such is why I have 7! sweatdrop

Well, I kinda did a big rant there. sweatdrop No, this is not a reboot- but the arc with Shia LeBouf has concluded and that is a good thing. This is a continuation of the same universe, but the humans suffered greatly in the third movie. Chicago was laid mostly to waste. As such, the humans are very paranoid about TFs anymore. the baddies of this film revolve mostly around a CIA operation that is hunting, murdering, and smelting TFs, regardless of faction. In fact, one of the early scenes is about Ratchet (the medic) being brutally killed by a group of humans without mercy. That was why Prime was so anxious to just kill everybody . . . even if it made the Bots damn near Cons!

I was just really upset that this was where the TF franchise has gone. Many are saying we should not be watching it then, but I fear if that avenue is taken the studio will just assume TF films are no longer wanted. Instead of losing Bay, we would lose the franchise. Meanwhile, Bay has gone on interviews saying he doesn't plan on leaving the franchise and those that hate the movies still watch them, so "hater's gonna hate." I seriously hate that man.  

[Ruined Horizon]

Yes . . . In fact, I just watched a video from a critic I like listening to that comes out and says that bay isn't the problem. We are. The fans of movies and those that pay for these films are the problem. We support Bay by watching the movie, and like a college professor, he get's paid either way.

Still, it does come back to that basic problem- support bay, or risk losing the franchise.  

[Ruined Horizon]

I do, while I don't agree with him totally, his reviews and Big Picture videos are entertaining to me. cool He isn't flawless by any means, but I have watched him for some time.  

[Ruined Horizon]

Between Jim Sterling, Yahtzee, and Moviebob, that site is becoming more cynical by the week.

Of course, I am a cynical person and deeply enjoy them . . . sweatdrop  

[Ruined Horizon]

I don't believe I am familiar with that show . . . confused