Welcome to Gaia! ::

"Well, it's nice to know she's been telling you about us. She's mentioned mostly good things, I hope?" Harry joked, smiling kindly to the younger boy and trying to ignore his own light blush.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Granger," Phobius greeted the two politely, idly wondering whether he should put his hand out for a handshake. This was why he didn't socialize more - he was good with formality and propriety, but his casual people skills were shaky at best.

"...Well, yes, but in my defense, I think the only students really good at History are Hermione and Phobius - they're literally the only ones who can stay awake when Professor Binns starts droning," Harry answered, smiling a little sheepishly at the mention of his academic shortcomings. "At least she said I was nice...'

"Yes; Mother is rather insistent that Hermione's presence at our house is mandatory, even if she doesn't come over right away," Phobius admitted freely. "I do apologize if this disrupts any plans you might have had."

"Listening to Phobius is mostly a matter of self preservation, though," Harry admitted freely. "If I get in trouble or something, he usually punishes me in a painful and/or humiliating manner... I think it's his way of showing he cares."
Phobius nodded in understanding. "A perfectly understandable sentiment; my mother and I will be happy to answer most of your questions regarding magic and the magical world," he told them.
Mitis, meanwhile, promptly got bored and was once again picking his nose with his tongue with his giant mallet over his shoulder, earning him more than a few looks of bafflement, disturbance, and/or disgust.

"I see no reason why she wouldn't; however, if she tells you not to ask about a topic, it would probably be best to take her word for it," Phobius answered.
"Yes! Mitis bring minions to Minion Boogeyman's den because Mitis is a good boy! Now, who coming, and who not coming?" He paused, then pointed at Harry. "Minion Scarface, you coming either way."
Phobius just sighed the sigh of someone who had long ago gotten used to this. "For the record, Mitis is not representative of the average wizard," he told Hermione's and Katherine's families, figuring it was best to get that out of the way. "In fact, he is not representative of the average anything... except possibly the average pyromaniac, so it's probably best not to give him anything overly flammable. In terms of actual danger, though, he isn't any more dangerous than the average person unless provoked."

Mitis stared a moment, then nodded to himself and pointed at Demetri. "You, I like. Your name is now Mini-Me, and you shall be my Mini-Me, and I shall teach you the beauty of fire!" Then he turned to the parents. "Oh, we not walking - we gonna take Knight Bus! Knight Bus fun!"
"No, we are not going to take the Knight Bus - it may be fast, but it is also a deathtrap waiting to happen, and anyway, we do not need anyone losing their lunch," Phobius interjected firmly, shooting that idea down. "Besides, I have no doubt that Mother gave you a Portkeyey."
Mitis sulked. "Fine..." He then reached into the pocket of his baggy clothes and pulled out...
"A pair of black boxers?" Harry repeated, puzzled.
"A Portkey is an object enchanted to teleport anyone in direct contact with it to a specific destination, usually activated after either a certain amount of time or, in this case, a password," Phobius explained. "Just about anything can be used as a Portkey, so most wizards and witches use common objects that Muggles would never suspect of being magical: an old boot, a brick... or, as my mother can have a rather dirty sense of humor, a pair of underwear." His voice sounded like a strange mixture of annoyed, resigned, and exasperated at that last bit.
Harry blinked... and then understanding dawned, and he grinned, obviously trying VERY hard not to laugh. "...Those are your boxers, aren't they?"
"I repeat: Mother can have a dirty sense of humor. She also happens to enjoy embarrassing me... I caught her mumbling something about sticks in the mud, but it must be a figure of speech, because I didn't understand it," Phobius grunted, obviously not happy that they were using his boxers as a Portkey to get to his house.
"Minion Boogeyman too serious sometimes - Mitis try setting his arse on fire to get rid of stick stuck in there, but Minion Boogeyman just give Mitis cranky look," Mitis stage-whispered to the others, causing Phobius's eye to twitch and Harry to start shaking with suppressed laughter.

"Yes on both counts, unfortunately. Trust me, I'm not any happier about this than you are," Phobius answered with a sigh, reluctantly reaching out to touch the Portkey.
Harry hesitated a moment, then similarly touched it, obviously still not sure whether to be grossed out or laugh his a** off.

"Why, thank you - I like to think I'm pretty impressive myself," an amused voice spoke up from behind them once they landed.
Phobius turned, nodding in greeting to the woman. "Hello, mother."
Eris Black just sighed in exasperation, putting one hand on her hip. "We've gone over this, kiddo - there's no need to be so formal. Now all of you come on inside, and we'll figure out what to do from there."
It was at that point that Harry finally noticed the huge house right behind Eris, resulting in his jaw dropping. "Is your family loaded or something?" he asked Phobius weakly.
Phobius nodded. "Actually, yes... the Black family is what you would call 'old money', to put it lightly though Mother and I generally don't flaunt it." Noting the skeptical look Harry gave him at that last bit, and his still-somewhat-stunned glances toward the house, he added, "The house was inherited, neither of us had any part in purchasing it."
"Would Mister Phobius and guests like help with their luggage?"
Harry jumped slightly, turning around to see a pitch-black house-elf standing in the middle of the group wearing a strange uniform with a strange crest on it, but Phobius spoke up before Harry could say anything. "I cannot speak for the others, but I assure you, I'm fine." At Harry's questioning look, he shrugged. "He refused to call me by anything but an honorific word, and since we consider him a part of the family, I refuse to let him call me 'Master' like most house-elves would, so we had to compromise. At least this way he calls me by name."
The house-elf seemed to accept that, turning questioningly to the others to see if they needed any help with their luggage... only to pause and stare warily at Mitis.
Mitis just waved cheerfully to the house-elf. "Hiii, Shadow! It me, Mitis! I set your arse on fire, remember?"