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 Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:18 am
SilverWolf6 i barely got any of the trombone jokes... I guess you'd have to play it to get it crying ...
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 2:40 pm
im gonna look for trumpet jokes (my section heart )
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 2:42 pm
These are the trumpet ones (thought they really aren't that good xd )
How man trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the world revolves around them!
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What's the difference between a trumpet and a chain saw?
Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
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What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.
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How many trumpets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
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What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
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How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
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How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!
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Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
He's too sensitive.
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What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up?"
"But Johnny, you can't do both."
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What would a trumpet player do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
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How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the trumpet players.
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How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpeter's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
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What do you call a lead trumpet player with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What's the first thing a trumpet player says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"
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How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Louie Armstrong would have done it.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 2:45 pm
This isn't a joke about an instrument, but it's still very musical xd
A Quick Bar of Musical Amusement
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and is now au naturel.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
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Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 5:22 pm
i got one, it's not instrumental but it's not bad.
What's the difference between a pizza and a musician?
a pizza can feed a family of four.
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Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:29 pm
we made this poem at a band council meeting last year
Ode to the Bassoon
Here I am, cold and tired
I need wood for my fire
All I have is this bassoon
Sitting here, under the moon
I take my horn and set it alight
It keeps me warm, all through the night
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Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 11:20 am
No one has euphonium or baritone jokes crying Spud no feelie the love
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Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:26 pm
How do you get two baritones to sing in perfect unision?
Shoot one.
What's the difference between a baritone and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up a baritone.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the baritone section rehearsal.
What's the difference between a baritone and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
What do you call a baritone with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a baritone?
You can tune the lawn mower.
What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a baritone?
One of them's loud, offensive, abrasive, and loved by a few mis-guided weirdos. The other's a TV commentator.
How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone?
Add vibrato.
How do you get a lead to sound like a baritone?
Have him sing louder, flatter, and miss every third note.
What's the range of a baritone?
About ten yards, if you've got a good arm.
What do you call a guy who hangs around with singers?
A baritone.
How can you tell if a baritone is knocking on your door?
He rushes.
Why do baritones have a half ounce more brains than horses?
So they won't disgrace themselves at parades.
What did the baritone get on his IQ test?
Drool.
How can you tell when a baritone is out of tune?
His lips are moving.
Why is a baritone like a SCUD missle?
They are both offensive and inaccurate.
What do baritones use for birth control?
Their personalities.
How do you know if a baritone section is at your front door?
No one knows when to come in.
Why are Barbershop show intermissions limited to twenty minutes?
So they don't have to retrain the baritone section.
How does a lead change a light bulb?
He just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
(Sorry leads, but this one was just too good of a fit)
How do you know when a lead is at your door?
He can't find his key.
If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end....
It would be a good idea.
(Sorry tenors, this fit just as good as the shot at the leads)
What do you call ten baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
A pretty good start.
How do you get a baritone to stop singing?
Give him a sheet of music.
"Hey buddy - How late does the chorus sing?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the director."
If you drop a baritone and a watermelon off a tall building at the same time, which one hits the ground first?
Who cares?
Feel the love now?
=D
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:25 pm
RebornAngelNer SilverWolf6 i barely got any of the trombone jokes... I guess you'd have to play it to get it crying ... I was cracking up the whole time, I tell you. I love these jokes, man.
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Posted: Sat May 19, 2007 3:24 pm
92% of teens have moved onto rap if you're still part of the 8% that rocks out everyday, post this in your sig
92% teens would be dead if Abercrombie&Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe if your one of the 8% that would be laughing,put this on your sig
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Posted: Sun May 20, 2007 6:02 pm
0aracelli0 92% of teens have moved onto rap if you're still part of the 8% that rocks out everyday, post this in your sig 92% teens would be dead if Abercrombie&Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe if your one of the 8% that would be laughing,put this on your sig not really a band joke.... or a joke at all.....
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Posted: Sun May 20, 2007 6:11 pm
I love the clarinet jokes. heart
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Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 6:36 am
There may be plenty of fish in the sea  Strictly speaking, these aren't jokes, but they're really funny...
Band Compatibility:
Flutes: If you are a flute player then you're probably smart, strong, out-going, and have a lot of friends. But you might want to watch out for low brass players because some of them may not enjoy your high pitched melodies.
Compatibility: Trumpets, clarinets and saxophone players are OK, but stay clear from tuba players.
Clarinet: If you play the clarinet then you're most likely to be strong, and strong-willed, skilled and talented, smart, and of course, romantic. The future is always in your past and the past is always in your future. As the same for flute players, watch out for the low brass section. Compatibility: Flutes, trumpet and French horn players are advised.
Oboe: If the oboe is your skill then you are smart, very talented, well rounded, cunning, dexterous, and clever. Beware of clarinets though, because its just genetic for them to dislike you. Compatibility: Flutes, French horns, and trumpet players are all right, but steer clear from clarinets.
Bassoon: If you play the bassoon, then congratulations, you could probably get a scholarship where-ever you want. The "requirements" of a bassoon player is being smart, flexible durability, expressive, affected, and pulchritude. Your biggest concern is the trombones, because when you are not there, they have to play your cues.
Compatibility: Clarinets, oboes, French horns, trumpets are OK, but reflect the trombones.
Bass Clarinet: If you play this instrument then you are smart, fun, outgoing, "wild", open-minded, and talented. You really don't have any concerns to think about, so have fun! Compatibility: Whatever you choose.
Saxophone: Saxophone players can vary. You can get all different shapes and sizes of saxophones that it's not even funny! Basically, what all saxophone players have in common is they're all gifted. But beware of trumpet players for their music is not always as cool as yours. Compatibility: Clarinets, other saxophones, French horns, trombones, and baritones are OK, trumpets are a no, no.
Trumpet: If the trumpet is your name then flying is your game. Your music can be hard work, but let yourself soar, because intelligence is your strong point and slaking is your weak. I suggest keeping your eye out for everyone because the trumpet position is a well desired spotlight. Compatibility: Flutes, clarinets, oboes, bassoons and bass clarinets are A-OK! But saxophones are your nightmare.
French horn: Playing the French horn can be demanding work, but your quiet personality can overcome. Whether its blowing through the mellophone, or triple tonguing your concert solo........ French horns........ our hats off to you. Like the bass clarinets, you have no enemies, so smile, and I hope that made your day.
Compatibility: Who wouldn't love ya?!
Trombones: Well trombones. I must say you are very determined people. You should hold your head with pride because the trombone is a tricky instrument to master, and if you've played on into high school then you are truly gifted. But I would advise you not to strut too much because the bassoon is not on your side. And another thing, you are most likely not compatible with fellow low brass players, so don't even try.
Compatibility: Saxophones, bass clarinets, and of course, French horns.
Baritones: If you play the baritone then you are most likely strong, smart, out-going, open-minded and misunderstood. Unfortunately the baritone is the only brass instrument that is not included in a orchestra. For that we're sorry, the baritone has earned its right there. Your enemy is most likely the trombones, they just don't know it. Keep your senses keen! Compatibility: Like the trombones, stay away from other low brass. But! Bass clarinets, French horns and saxophones are OK.
Tubas: If you play this "umpa, umpa" then you are most likely to be like the bass clarinets. Out-going, "wild" and open minded. Congratulations, you've strived to be different in this world. Not only that but if you play this monstrosity of a horn then you are probably in good shape. As far as your enemies I would say it would be the entire woodwind section, because it is your mission and goal in life to over play them in band. But of course the bass clarinets and saxophones love you because you share the same mission.
Compatibility: Well since the low brass isn't advised and the wood winds hate you, all that is left is, saxophones, bass clarinets, French horns, and the trumpets, or percussionist.
Percussionist: Well what kind I say about percussionist? Heck they are basically from their own planet. Their smart, talented, and well skilled in the art of playing with sticks. The only real enemy of the percussion is the Band Director, so watch your step. And if you happen to be the Band Director's child, then I'm sorry, I can't help you there, I'm only a web page provider. Compatibility: Who knows? but who really wants to date a fish?
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 9:48 pm
Dirty Trombone Jokes:
Why are trombones best in bed?
trumpets do iit w/ 3 fingers,
baritones do it with four,
but trombones know all the positions!
Trombones are like sex,
you put lubricants on the hard part,
and the faster you play with it, the harder it gets.
In the end, stuff comes out of the tip.
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:27 am
Totally Stellar RebornAngelNer SilverWolf6 i barely got any of the trombone jokes... I guess you'd have to play it to get it crying ... I was cracking up the whole time, I tell you. I love these jokes, man. XDXDXD Some things are funnier when you've experienced exactly what your laughing about... LOL I LOVED THOSE JOKES! XDXDXD
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