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 Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 1:40 pm
Again his head tilted to the side as Miika leaned closer, lips parted slightly as if to signify that he was ready to take up speech between them if the other didn't feel up to it yet - because they did need to talk, not necessarily to or about each other but... certain things had to be sorted out. And given their tendencies to wander into their own mental traps having another voice and reason nearby would be... good.
Proximity was shattered once more however upon the dread reminder, and he detached his fingers with a suddenness that echoed in wings that fluffed, twitched as if flinching, as he broke off and drew his hand back again. The laughter made it better, but all the same... Right. Propriety. Sobriety. Piety. ...He could do with sticking to only the first, come to think of it. The latter two being inventions of Western guilt and so forth. In excess, at least. Oh, moderation, broken dream...
The hand that had drawn back reached up to brush a few strands of mussed brown hair back behind a pointed ear and he remembered then that... still, he was of a foreign dress to his usual chosen apparel. The earrings and necklace still in borrowed pocket, clothes from before somewhere in the house they'd left and cellphone...
.................oh dear.
Not.... not like he'd be using it any time... soon... he reassured himself in quiet anxiety, pushing aside the concerns. It... it wasn't a problem. Not like now, when part of the problem was that he wouldn't be using that phone even if he had it. The bird wondered off-handedly whether there was even reception in this place, wherever it was. Whatever time it was. Light fading fast from the small, barred window - must be night, or morning, or heavy cloud cover or...
Swallowing all frantic concerns gray eyes lowered then glanced sideways towards Miika, distracted momentarily by... ever tattered wings, then moving back to the pale face with such piercing eyes. He didn't want to retreat to something stupid, like, like 'Are you hungry?' or 'What time is it?' or 'Are you all right' or--just kept asphyxiating those conversation starters before they had the barest chance, didn't he? "What are we going to do now?" not... well... no. Still the same, silly questions. But he didn't know the answer, therefore it was pertinent.
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 2:35 pm
Closing his eyes and turning his head away after the other withdrew his hand, he pulled his own hand away, thinking that perhaps his hands were a bit of a distraction - if not temptation - to Alex. Trying to figure things out in his head, he finally landed on a soft sigh as his tattered wings stretched lightly, though it did them no good.
Opening his eyes, he stared piercingly down towards the bed, a frown on his lips as he moved his hand away from his mouth, waiting for Alex to speak, as he seemed prepared to at first. Although it would seem he had ended up distracted again, as nothing came out. Closing his eyes once more, he continued to wait.
Opening his eyes once more, he reached up to run his fingers gently through his two-toned hair, looking over towards the wall as he waited patiently - knowing that the other was going to bring them back to the situation at hand - not that it bothered him, really. Finally looking towards Alex, he gave a light sigh.
"At this point, I don't know. Relax for the rest of the night, I guess. Wait for word from Angellus... He'll probably be sending your clothes soon, anyway, so he'll probably have a little message tucked into a pocket." Miika said slowly before he laid down, rolling away to face towards the wall, causing him to lay on his bad shoulder, though he couldn't really feel it anymore. In a couple hours he'd be able to rip out the stitches and it'd be good as new... as well as any other unknown injuries.
"Just... try to relax. I know that's difficult, but at least we can attempt to actually enjoy each other's company," He stated softly. He honestly felt that Alex wasn't enjoying the time they had since before they had left - not that he could really blame the bird in the least. Miika, and the situation at hand, probably weren't enjoyable to be around at the least... But they had run away together hadn't they? and yet he was uneasy to keep physical contact for very long. How... utterly... disappointing and slightly miserable, to not be able to trust himself long enough to allow Alex to touch him for as long as he pleased.
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Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 1:04 am
Ah... a state of... respite, then. Caught in limbo between the frantic flight of before and the still yet enshrouded obstacles to come - for while he was uncertain of what lay ahead he knew it wasn't going to be easy. But that sort of went without saying, he supposed. Such was almost unbearably typical - or it had been and... and now the return, though with a twist he never could hope to predict - and in those few moments when he thought he could, thought it was all right to let go and make assumptions... Those assumptions turned out to be dangerous, were chided against. Decisions dove deep down to difficult once again.
What to do inbetween? A question he couldn't bring himself to pose, having already posited the painfully obvious and plaintive before and needing... at the very least a little time before taking that fall for another round. He had pointers, after all - the suggestion that Angellus... the poor boy they'd left behind... would make what sounded like an attempt to brighten the mood, however lewdly.
But beside that, there was... Miika. And a little time to bring up that familiarity he wasn't sure was... sorely lacking or uncomfortably present - because it had to be one or the other, and the moment he supposed it to be one it inevitably made a case for itself in the other light. Mildly frustrating, to say the least - and there were few things which genuinely frustrated him, all of which lay in matters close to... the heart.
The heart. Object of poetic rapture and idolization, guardian of metaphoric passions. Entirely... too complicated to be a typical, unassuming member of the functioning body of late. Fluttering despite all warnings.
Past all the sensation, however... still Miika. Enjoy their time together? Entirely foreign concept thus far, when the ways had been dictated by a stranger's passing, painful confirmation or uneasy consideration. And now the knowledge that the decision to remain would come to this, and this moment to actually... stay. To be more than on the run from other people, each other or themselves. Just... time. Maybe even time enough to verbally beat into Miika that he ought to start taking care of himself. Alex broke from his slightly hunched, frozen seat to reach forward with a tsk, entirely unconscious of contact - or at least trying to be - or not, because to be too familiar with it was dangerous, remember? - but --
The bird's hand paused just above Miika's good shoulder before decisively laying a hand upon it, "You'll need more than proper bandaging for it to heal easily," he murmured in that same light scolding, though his tone drifted to the airy and light-hearted as he leaned over that shoulder to look down into Miika's eyes, past crimson threading into black. "How am I going to enjoy your company if you fall apart at the seams?" eyes flickered once, involuntarily towards the broken wings as his own flicked in unconscious sympathy.
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 8:22 pm
Miika fell into silence, into thought. Though the thoughts were less pleasant than he would have liked, he really couldn't ignore them. Doubts, suggestions, wonders... Different things that flowed to the front of his mind before drifting to the back, circulating around. Many of his thoughts focused on how Alex really couldn't have been enjoying their time together so far.. Miika wasn't really even enjoying himself - except for the fact that he was, indeed, with Alex - though that was still a rather confusing aspect to himself as it was.
Sighing softly, waiting for the other's response, in which he bet wouldn't be a pleasant comeback. Closing his eyes, trying to shake thoughts from his mind--doubts, suggestions, and wonders he could really do without. Yes, their future actions did rely on one poor little angel, which was a lot of responsiblity for the other... but Angellus would do his best to bring light news, even if it were to be bad.
Tensing up--no, flinching at the touch of the unexpected touch of the other, he opened his eyes and turned his head softly so that he caught onto the bird's gaze. Listening to his first words, he simply closed his eyes... but once the other offered a new... statement? he opened his eyes once more again. Rolling fully onto his back, he simply laid there for a moment or two, bouncing thoughts around in his mind.
"I'm not... falling apart... Simply.. breaking down?" Miika said with a light chuckle before he reached up and flicked Alex's bangs gently. Touch was no longer dangerous, although it had seemed neither one had figured that out. Miika's demon no longer had interest in toiling in the affairs of their emotions - they had enough on their plate to deal with already - no use for him to interrupt their softer moments. "You are very strange to me, Alex Sanders," Miika whispered as he glanced away, afraid his eyes would show something he feared to express--affection.
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 8:53 pm
Miika was, he decided then, either a masochist, eternally neglectful to his own well-being or... or those wings weren't the problem he assumed them to be. A whiff of breath escaped in an almost melancholy amusement - the odd paralelling phrase due to the doubt coupled with optimism settled over his features. He was never sure what to expect from this, from either of them. ...It would be so much simpler if he could only predict even his own reactions, or even actions themselves instead of constant waiting to respond in kind.
In some ways it was even harder to understand his own thoughts and intentions than Miika's - partially because he'd been so used to thinking he understood... at least most aspects of his functioning mind. But such had turned out to be a fantasy of analytics - psychology really wasn't all it was cracked up to be, especially when it was defined more by one's own philosophical, logical reasonings than scientific 'proofs'. Regardless of the reason for his misconception the fact remained that... he had no idea how to...
Well of course he didn't know what was going to happen next. Such was the nature of existence, and it was silly to presume to know any other way. But if only... no, he'd turn away from what ifs (for now). He had something worth pursuing, something more than worthy of attention and all that derived from it. Damned if he was going to let thinking get in the way any more than it had - for the bird was becoming painfully aware of how imbalanced a theory of thinking without action could be.
He couldn't help but smile when Miika laughed, lips curling at the edges - had he ever heard that sound before? It tugged at miniscule, melodic strands in his heartstrings and conducted them sing back in tiny raptures. "Then don't do anything worse to the machinery and give it a rest," he teased in turn, adjusting his seat so as to be lying on his stomach next to his demon, resting on elbows and one hand cupping his chin, wings rustling in the shift.
The smile then turned a little rueful - almost as if they were thinking the same thing, wasn't it? - "You're not the only one," he murmured in mild confession before shrugging slightly and frowning momentarily when Miika glanced away. He wasn't sure why that had felt so... sad.
"But strangeness is a nonentity," he declared, abruptly changing the subject and his mannerism, smile becoming slightly more bright though just as genuine as before - an optimistic cheer radiating through that rarely displayed itself, even in the company of his dearer friends. "You like me anyway, don't you?"
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 9:21 pm
Distracting himself from thoughts by nibbling lightly on his lip, he continued to glance away. Another distraction for his own benefit was interlocking his own fingers together, resting his hands upon his stomach. The greatest distraction displayed was that his eyes were still focused in a glance aimed away from Alex, although... this distraction he wanted to change.
Allowing himself to make a change - not thinking of risks or silly things - golden eyes were slowly moved to rest upon Alex once more. Thoughts and emotions bubbled up, his stomach seeming to flutter inside of his body, causing his fingers to unlock and gently clench his shirt for a moment before relaxing to lay against the fabric. Distractions, distractions. Though this time, distracting himself from allowing himself to fully spend time focused on only their time together, rather than the usual distractions that occured when he was trying to spend time with him.
Odd how things could suddenly turn around like that. "You may have to distract me in order to give this machinery a rest, as it's used to being active," Miika said with another little laugh as his voice matched the tease in the bird's voice. Not realizing that the glance away had at all made the other the slightest bit sad, he kept his gaze on him while the other switched positions.
"Of course!" Miika said abruptly as he propped himself up on his elbows, as if he had caused Alex to think anything otherwise, proving to both himself and the bird that he wouldn't tolerate that thought one bit. Relaxing, realizing his sudden outburst AND the affection that had came out so easily with it, he nibbled his bottom lip. "I mean--" A slight pause, "Of course I do, Alex... What about you--nevermind," He mumbled slightly as he lay back down and put his palm lightly against his lips out of embarassment of the question he had prepared to ask in return.
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:10 pm
Fidgeting. Idle hands are the devil's tools and all that. Possibly all too literal in their case, Alex mused sardonically, smile fading somewhat at the consideration. This was a precise practice of abstinence and careful consideration, of restraining impulse and disallowing desire - a strange precaution and predilection, one he had perhaps... adhered to most adamantly in the past, but one that seemed... so at odds with itself in the present situation. For... to acknowledge certain truths to oneself was imperative to one's existence as a whole being.
But to give in to certain truths now was damning on a whole new level - not in terms of sin or other such ridiculous myths, but in terms of allowing one's self to crumble to the will and way of others, of becoming the slave of idle threat or even one's own... less domitable will. Thus... as before, participating in active restraint was the name of the better game. But it'd never been so frustrating. Was that even the word? Something to do with such at the very least, something that made him feel bruised and achey all over, despite his comparatively pristine physical condition, something that pulled his mind one way before shoving it in the opposite direction so that he was forever tripping, stumbling over words and sensations. Not, on the whole, a very enjoyable experience.
Yet... the alternative of the experience being entirely absent from his life wasn't even a consideration, was an idea he so thoroughly rejected it too had become a nonentity, just as strangeness. Paving the way for strangeness, perhaps.
He couldn't help it. A small laugh escaped him as well, riding on the heels of Miika's second and dancing on its last notes with a slow descent to silence of its own. There was something in this company that made him truly want... something else - though not something other than what he had here. Just... more than they had now. And those eyes - windows to the soul indeed, capable of shadowing and saying so much without words. For however much he treasured the philosophy of language it was... a slightly silly convention, at times.
Alex laughed again at Miika's outburst, a little surprised but extremely gratified to hear what he thought he heard in his demon's protestation. Surprised? Well... it hadn't been that long. With that repeated acknowledgement a slight coloring of cheeks returned, though it was mild and a mere tint than any real embarassment. Ever cautious of the implication of every syllable, the bird's wings stretched slightly though kept close and folded to his back, merely edging outwards at the base. No questions, however rhetorically intended could be put forward here - for Miika's propensity to doubt could not be provoked.
"I'm here because I want to be," he said with a small smile, one at peace and thoroughly at odds with many aspects of their situation. "And I want to be here because of you," the continuation, "And it follows logically that I must like you," he concluded, still teasing. Such really was a practice he saved for those he knew to be friends or more; the teasing couldn't be wasted on strangers. It just wasn't... the same.
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 10:47 pm
"If logic can explain that, then why can't it explain anything else? Usually I logically solve every confusion that falls over me." Miika said with a soft frown, pushing all thoughts aside from his mind. Why bother thinking right now at all, it wasn't helping. The only thing the silences were doing was setting a space inbetween them for a few moments.
Why, if logic could explain something as important as that, couldn't it explain his feelings? His affection, his random embarassment, his beating heart? Logic had no excuse for those things, and they were pretty big things to the demon. Not little, silly things. Silly? Far from silly.
These were things that truely frustrated him. Things he couldn't explain, and things that were generally starting to irritate him a bit. Sighing softly, he rolled onto his side and reached out a hand, fingers lightly brushing against the feathers that belonged to Alex's wings.
There were things he wanted to do and say, but he just kept in silence, keeping his gaze on Alex's eyes the entire time, not afraid to touch the other any longer, knowing that his demon slept.. in a sense. Smiling softly, a genuine smile, he raised a brow at the other. "Nevermind logic. Its been making me stumble over words and thoughts since the first night I spent with you."
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 11:41 pm
Another whiff of amusement fluttered from the bird's smiling lips as his head lowered to rest on crossed arms, his gaze centered evenly on Miika's. Centered. That was the feeling he had here. Being at peace and whole, being of the entirety of a state, though the true nature of the state remained undefined without further inquiry.
But further inquiry meant further reliance upon and exacerbation of logic which, as Miika had pointed out, only went so far in that matter that lay between them now. Besides which. He felt talkative. No... that wasn't precisely the word he meant - open, that was it. As though words that passed would be the right words, that meaning would be more powerful than exacting definitions, that it mattered not whether the excruciatingly perfect syllables were uttered because in present company, it... shouldn't matter.
Ideas were more powerful than the language that bound them. That had to be true, because language was a human invention whereas ideas were already there in space, waiting to be discovered. And if they'd gotten to the point where words were not only superfluous but were getting in the way...
Logic had suited the ancient Greeks very finely in their intellectual pursuits. It had also suited them very well in getting their asses handed to them by the Roman armies. Everything had its time and place. The fluttering in his chest had no time for stolid logic and no place for vindictive reason.
He shifted involuntarily as his feathers were quite literally ruffled - they were part of what was perhaps the most sensitive part of his body - it wasn't a bad sensation, just another new one. Far from bad, really. Tingling, nerves firing at wild making him want to break gaze with Miika and bury his head in his arms, though he refrained as the touch was still light and airy, as if it were just as much the closing of distance as the fingers themselves.
"That's a little ironic," he managed to say quickly to drown out the slight shiver, "A logician's pride is his ability to articulate his conclusions - we're a little confused if it's logic that makes us stumble." A sudden break and his lips pressed together in a very small smile - 'we', 'us' - unconscious now, rather than the deliberate he'd used to send them into flight. "Thinking has me a little muddled too," he mumbled then just as quickly, head nestling into the bed and behind his arms to hide.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 1:38 am
Miika thought for a few moments before stopping himself. No, no thinking. Why not just attempt to live in the moment for once? Do something in an unusually spontaneous moment? Why did he have think all the time - to analyze every little thing? - to not let a single detail escape from his mind? Why did he have to be like that... wouldn't it be simpler to just live from moment to moment without trying to find logic behind everything?
Besides, what use did logic have when his heart raced and when embarassment was easily on the rise? What excuse could logic make up for the truth that he did have a certain, unplacable affection for the bird... and exactly what excuse did logic have for the fact that he was more living than demonic - what excuse did logic have that brought back the fact that he felt... alive and real around Alex?
What could logic find as an excuse that he cherished every moment spent with the bird, that ever touch was as tender and as much a part of him as it could be? He didn't need to listen to the lists of things he should do... no, he wouldn't even try. The lists of things he should do being what logic offered him... There was no logic between them, was there?
"Ironic indeed... but all I want to do--what I need to do--is live in the moments I have with you," Miika paused and took in a breath as he closed his eyes instead of looking away, his fingers very tenderly, delicately, brushing against a feather before he put his hand down. "Don't hide, Alex," He whispered softly to the other. "There is no need to hide."
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 9:05 am
It was a matter of spontanaeity that had driven him to bury himself temporarily. The covers weren't as dusty or as uncomfortable as logic might expect them to be and thus he was a little gratified to have decided to abandon that methodology by the wayside, at least for the time being. If he were still running on reason and careful, precise concerns he wouldn't have been so quick to hide, might've steeled himself to stand by all comments. But dispensing with the more constrictive type of thought, one that adhered to the discipline of sense to deconstruct matters of all types - he'd left behind certain constrictions on behavior too, right?
Thus... the freedom to be silly. And no necessity for subsequent guilt.
The bird made a muffled little noise of indiscernable intent as fingers brushed by wings a second time, and he peeked up above his forearms just enough so that large gray eyes blinked and watched Miika closely, a smile still hidden in the depths stretching up to be communicated through the glow to his features.
...Really... glowing, come to think of it. Phospherescent. Not as noticeable, as the lights were already on - but if one were to flick the switch, Alex's new illuminating quality would be much more apparent. He'd likely be a little surprised (among other things) when it became apparent the light had come back - implications and so forth. But for now it was a passing thing, an undefined moment of translated ease and simple happiness that faded into a mere genuine smile as the bird lifted his head to reveal the smile he struggled to keep small but which threatened to spread faster than he could keep up with it - that feeling like an emotion could consume you. How long since last...
"It's safer," he whispered, as if it were a secret of utmost confidentiality, "That hiding thing," a slight bite of the lower lip, as if he were stopping himself from elaboration - but he gave up on that in favor of the now playful words, "Besides, it's not like you didn't know where I was."
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 2:13 pm
Miika's eyes studied Alex before he glanced up towards the window. Frowning, he crawled over Alex and off the bed before walking over and flicking off the light, not catching the glow of Alex's wings. Smiling softly, he nodded as he walked back towards the bed and crawled back over the bird before laying down beside him, closing his eyes to relax in the dark. It would take Alex's eyes only a few moments to adjust, he was sure, though probably not nearly as long as it would take some.
Rolling back onto his side, he propped his elbow on his pillow, leaning his cheek into his hand, golden eyes focused on the other boy. He had a feeling that the touching of the bird's wings wasn't a bad thing, and therefore wanted to do it once more, but stuck his thumb in a belt loop of his pants and the rest of his fingers into his pocket. Distracting them, again. Trying to hold back that urge, just in case the vibe he was getting from touching them was being misconstrued by Miika.
"Safer than being with me?" Miika asked, teasing the other, though not mocking him. Teasing was often something he did when he got comfortable with someone. Friends or more than that, generally. Family was something he never teased with or about. Of course, Miika really didn't even talk about his family. Pushing thoughts away, he focused on Alex.
"Well, then next time you hide I guess I'll just have to find you," Miika stated playfully before continuing, "...or maybe I'll hide with you." Fingers gently reached out and brushed along the other's back, as if trying to comfort him of something. The fingers didn't do it more than once before they curled back into his own palm and rested on the blankets between them.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 3:23 pm
He couldn't recall a time specifically like this. When a bed had been shared, that was - especially not so early. Sure, with Oliver it'd been a matter of understanding and convenience, or just the need for comfort and shelter. Here it was... well, there was only one bed - so convenience again, perhaps. And... the decision to trust at work. And that it was... nice. And that he liked it.
Liked... it... not necessarily because it was comfortable either, but because... wait, this was thinking. This was the creatively linear process that kept taking him away from moments and possibilities, sent the both of them reeling into the unknown territory that was so much more trying than the unknown territory they already had to tread through. Only so much at a time, right?
"Oh absolutely," he teased back - though... he meant it, in a way. There was something... it didn't feel necessarily illicit or dangerous, but it was... other and elsewise, unfamiliar ground over which he felt himself floating, soaring, falling, stumbling... But never wanting to turn away from it, to return to hearth and home. There was something new to his desire to remain now, he could... well, of course he could feel it. The new sensation was comprised entirely of feeling. Perhaps why it was so... strange.
Lips curled into a gentle, secretive smile - thoroughly ignoring all passe and old-fashioned warnings against intimacy. He'd stay thinking, stay aware enough to remember where to draw the line. Because... because of where doubt played in, and where danger nevertheless threatened. Because they couldn't afford to give into threats even if what they wanted... what...
It was still quite confusing. That much hadn't changed.
"We're already hiding together," he pointed out in thorough amusement, hand creeping out unconsciously to rest just beside and against Miika's own.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 4:02 pm
A soft chuckle escaped Miika's parted lips as the other teased in return, although he slightly caught on that the other meant his words. That didn't worry Miika, nor did it make him have any more doubts than he already did. Alex had stuck with him this far, and he was confident that the other wouldn't simply turn away and flee any time soon.. He just had to keep things.. simple.
Simple was perhaps not the most appropriate or correct word, but it was fitting nonetheless... or at least Miika thought it was fitting. Thought. Thinking. There his mind went again, fleeing back into silly thoughts that were effectively useless in their little game of teasing and amusement. They were enjoying one another's company, for once it seemed, and thoughts kept getting in the way.
Though, perhaps thoughts needed to get in the way. Miika felt something different for Alex, and he did like it.. enjoyed it, but that was why he needed thoughts to keep him slightly distracted from doing something... too spontaneous. Whatever he and Alex had he didn't want to ruin by rushing anything, rushing emotions and actions. Those needed time to blossom on their own, in which they were possibly doing now?
"True, we are hiding together, but from others. You, however, we just hiding from me, were you not?" Miika asked in a rather playful manner, as he was amused with their situation as well. That's right, take time. Don't rush. Time they had, now, for Mikkael and Maybe wouldn't dare come here in fear of recieving a pill. Just what did that pill do that scared too vampires into not even chasing down their target? whatever it was, he was thankful that the fox had it.
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 4:40 pm
That sound was enchanting for its warmth, the chuckle. It left him with a certain headiness that beat in muffled rapidity in his skull and down his spine, as if something within wished to be free in the most delicately ecstatic of primal senses, like the most gung-ho butterfly the world has ever seen. Ah yes, there was the sign of returning whimsy, ridiculous metaphors and the like riding havoc through his mind.
He wanted Miika to laugh again, for it to happen in that same, sweet... almost withheld manner - for it wasn't that the other was holding back, only that the laugh was motivated by something gentle and simple rather than hysterical or... funny. A sound of enjoyment - a signal... that everything is all right, even if there is no pain to precede it. Everything is all right.
Unconsciously his hand inched closer to Miika's, fingertips creeping tentatively over the other's palm and pausing there for a long moment as Alex came back to his conscious, more worrywart inclined mind and chided himself sharply, demanding all sorts of explanations. He was able then to look that more busybody side of his mind straight in the eye and tell it to go stuff itself, or to jump in a lake if it didn't fancy a trip to the taxidermist's. ...Yes, definitely an echo of the whimsical now.
"How are we both going to hide from you if you know where you are?" he asked a little plaintively, though mostly just entertained in that light and airy manner. "Or are we going to get ourselves very lost before hiding?" The smile curled into something maybe even a little mischevious, though still primarily sweet - debatable whether that aspect could ever disappear from the bird's features - "And if we are to be lost, where best to lose ourselves?"
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