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 Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2016 10:13 am
He tried to focus on Triumphalis' voice, but it wavered in and out of his senses like a badly tuned radio. The icy hand in his chest felt as though it had seized abruptly, tightening past the point of being bearable each breath a dagger that punctuated his heart.
It's normal. I get these too.
Celsus' hand rose, fingers twisting in the front of his own uniform, clutching at the Chronos sigil that lay against his chest on a golden strand. The points of it dug into his fingers, the sharp pinpricks easing into his mind, tiny threads of coherency that ran parallel to Triumphalis' calm voice.
His breath rattled out of him in a poor imitation of the page's demonstration, but Celsus did it again, and then again, until it became at least semi-regular, not quite as strained. His cheeks were flushed, burning with humiliation, and already there was someone more capable than him - already, Triumphalis had proven himself stronger, in spite of having only just been introduced to knighthood.
"I can't," Celsus choked out, the words bursting free, and his eyes squeezed shut against the pain of it all, against the agony of his failures. "I can't do this - I can't be anything, I can't do anything, it's all wrong, I wasn't - I wasn't meant for this life - "
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Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2016 10:44 am
Well, s**t, thought Triumphalis, but he tried to hold it together for Celsus's sake. The other knight seemed to be coming down now - at least a little bit. His breathing was more even, and that was a good sign if he'd ever seen one. "So you were drafted," he said, moving he hand towards the center of Celsus's back, rubbing little circles between his shoulder blades. "We were all drafted. Virgo was drafted when she was twelve ******** years old. And I mean, no, it's not fair." But our numbers came up, he thought. Like it or not, meant for it or not, we have to deal with it. He bit down on his lip. That train of thought had gone nowhere helpful. Triumphalis abandoned his glamour, crisp white uniform melting away to reveal a battered military jacket tossed over a lumpy blue sweater. (The nameplate said MACLEOD.) "Come home with me," he suggested. "Virgo - Elke - will help. She always knows how to help."
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Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2016 10:57 am
Drafted was a good word for it. He'd awakened in the middle of a battle, with no way out, and no way to decline it - though at the time, he'd thought it a good thing. He'd thought he was meant for something greater, that he'd have a purpose in his life more than just being his normal self.
He'd been wrong all along.
The soothing circles were helping to ease his breath back to normal, Celsus closing his eyes briefly. His shoulders were stiff and trembling, tension coursing through him like a sharp knife, and his hands rose to his face, Celsus covering it with shaking fingers. He wasn't crying, but the embarrassment and the shame made his head spin dizzily.
He didn't see it when Triumphalis shifted, but Celsus lowered his hands abruptly at Virgo's name, his eyes widening.
"No!" he blurted out, twisting to face him, panic in his chest warring with the desire to see his captain and mentor once more. "No, I can't, she'll - she'll be ashamed of me, I've disappointed her, she'll hate me - "
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Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2016 11:22 am
Carson exhaled through his teeth. "Elke broke her pen," he said gently. "I've been holding off in saying so, because she's been worried of what you and the other knights would think, but - you need to know. She hasn't been Virgo in a long time. Whatever crisis of conscience you're going through, she'd understand. She's - she's not a hateful person." Well, that wasn't entirely true. Elke hated the Negaverse and Chaos with the fiery passion of a thousand blazing suns. He was pretty sure she hated Castor a little bit. But she would never hate one of their own, one who was in crisis. "She'll help," he repeated. "She can always help." He knew in his bones that that was just what Virgo did, magic or no magic.
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Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2016 11:41 am
His mouth snapped shut, his heart twisting in his chest. A mixture of stunned horror, pain, and sadness ran through his mind, stumbling over one another until they had blurred together, until all he knew was a mess of emotions he couldn't distinguish.
"That..." Celsus croaked, and then stopped, his expression one of utter despondency. The dark circles beneath his eyes were more pronounced than ever, giving him a hollow, ragged look far from his usual calm, collected demeanor.
He didn't want to go. He wanted to go. What could possibly be done to help him? It felt like a long road, without an end in sight, just miles and miles of walking and getting nowhere fast.
Celsus' shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Okay," he said hoarsely, closing his eyes. "All right."
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Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2016 11:54 am
Carson released a sigh of relief - he'd won, for a certain value of victory. "Come on," he said gently, applying gentle pressure with the hand still on Celsus's back to guide him into motion. "She lives close by." "I'm Carson, by the way," he added, falling into step with Celsus. Kuropeco gonna call that the world's shortest wrap and go start the follow-up.
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