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 Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2015 8:19 pm
He looked at his once clean carpet. The blood stain. The spit. He looked back up at Horace.
"I didn't think of my poor d**k. You're a hypocrite, Horace. You wanted me to see your way, I went to you whenever you called me over, and yet you don't care to hear my side either. You knew nothing about me. When I was thinking with my d**k when you got hurt in that cave? Was I thinking with my d**k when I came to clean your room? Was I thinking with my d**k when I helped you pick a shampoo routine or when you were thinking about ending everything? What part of my d**k happened there? But you don't care about that. That doesn't matter now to you. How often did I ever call upon you?"
He gripped the countertop as he looked over at him and at the stain on his floor. " You came here to vent at me. Came here to hate me. You came to make it clear I'm an a*****e. Since this is MY home you are in, I'll say my part. I wasn't thinking about my d**k. If you knew anything about me, you would know that much. I don't sleep around. I've always been faithful. In the entire time I've been on this island, I've been with one person only before Jan. One."
He remained leaning. "Weren't you with Al?"
Quieter now, he looked at the damaged hand. "You'd look better without that arm." It was whispered in a tone that wasn't even meant for anyone at all, but more a personal thought to himself, as if he was commenting that different jeans would hug Horace's featuers better.
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:51 am
"Oh, so suddenly we had a one-sided friendship?" His voice was incredulous and he turned from the door to stare at Melvin. Suddenly everything was absolutely his fault, despite the fact that he was the one hurt. It was always like this. "If I hadn't car ed about you, I wouldn't be ******** hurt right now. I know your side, but you can't seem to understand mine! I came here to say things in person because over Twitter wasn't enough. I came here because I thought there would be a resolution or at least somebody would walk out of this feeling better." The mention of Al made Horace roll his eyes. "Yeah, Al and I ******** once, while drunk, before Jan and I had talked about our relationship boundaries. And yeah, I felt like s**t about it. You're gonna ******** throw that in my face because you think it makes you better than me? Give me a ******** break, Melvin." Horace almost didn't catch what Melvin had said at first, and his eyes widened, wondering if he'd even heard that. "What did you just say?" It looked like Horace couldn't leave just yet.
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:47 pm
He had been staring at the arm, looking at the missing fingers in a distant, appraising way. As if looking at a flower or a snowglobe. Something softly sweet to the eyes. When Horace spoke, he flickered out of his daze and looked up. "What?"
Flushed, he looked to the side.
"I'm not saying that either. I'm not better than anyone here. Far from that." He sighed. "I don't think we're getting much of anywhere with this. I'm just making the point worse. Neither one of us is understanding."
He finally leaned back to sit on top of the dresser top and looked at Horace. "I'm not saying it's one-sided. I just - You are talking like it never mattered. That I'm just being lumped with everyone else. That nothing I did before this - before being with Jan, actually was true. That I was a liar all along. I wasn't. I wanted to be your friend. I was happy to have one. You are angry about me not getting your side. Well - I can't help if I'm upset that you are making me out to be someone I'm not. Labeling as someone else. I'll admit to what I did just as I did on Twitter. I'm with Jan. We were intimate. We now are in a relationship. But I'm not going to take you saying all I did was do everything for the sake of sex."
"I'm not trying to dismiss your side. I'm just....frustrated...." He had made a choice and these were the repercussions of that choice. While he would never say being with Jan was a mistake, it came at a very high cost of losing the one friend he had. "Why would you feel better about talking to me anyways?" He grumbled.
"It's why I didn't want to tell you. It happened and then suddenly I knew I could never take it back. I didn't do it to get my d**k wet. I care about him, and I knew you did too. I just can't...leave it either. I didn't want to lose the only friend I have - but I knew I did what I did and that I couldn't have you both."
Touching his nose before looking at the blood on his thumb, he paused before setting his hands in his lap.
"Maybe I was hoping you wouldn't like him anymore and be happy he was just moving on and you would too...but when you said you wouldn't....I knew I had to tell you. I couldn't be your friend if I was lying to your face that I was with your ex....not that I could be your friend after I guess."
"It's why I don't mind if you hit me, but I'm not leaving Rin either or him." Not that Jan had very long anyways. "I don't feel sorry for my feelings."
"I am sorry that I don't get how you feel. I never was good at getting people if you haven't noticed. I tend to ******** things up." This time, he literally did.
"I know it's stupid to say, but if there was anything I could do to make things better, I would."
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2015 9:21 pm
Horace had heard what Melvin had said and he grit his teeth, curling in his damaged hand at his side. But he held his peace on that for now. "Okay, I'm gonna tell you this like you were ******** five because you don't get it. You wanna know how things could've gone smoother? Well, here's the ******** layout. One: don't goddamn lie to me. And don't dodge my questions by asking 'ohhhh does that matter'. Of course it does, or I wouldn't ask it! Two: did you know, Melvin, that plenty of people have great relationships without sex and especially without dragging other people's bodies into it? It's shocking, I know. You can write that down in your notes if you want. Three: don't turn this s**t around on me like it's my fault for not understanding you. I think it's pretty clear what you did and did not decide to take into account in this." As he ticked off each number, he held up a finger on his left hand. Horace spoke clearly and more slowly than normal, like he was explaining something to a child. "Four: feelings are fine; feelings are ********' great!" All throughout this, bitterness and the sense of betrayal coated his words. He felt like throwing up or crying or something. "If you'd given me any time, any time at all before shacking up - which, oh, I guess you couldn't, because you've been ******** him forever anyway. But if you'd given me time and spoken to me about your s**t feelings and did this s**t beforehand. Well, maybe this would have turned out differently. But now you're just a shitty person and a shittier friend. And five... Well, I guess I can't ******** get to five, huh. Ain't that a shame." He took a deep breath, resisting the urge to punch the person who had been his friend. "Melvin, who the <********> says 'you'd look better without an arm'? Is it because I'm 'damaged goods'? Cut it all off clean? s**t." Horace let out a shaky breath. "If you had ever been my friend, you would not have said that to me."
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2015 4:24 am
Melvin sat there, quiet, being belittled in his own home. He watched as his former friend started to talk to him, in his own words, as if he was an idiot and someone below his own intelligence. While Horace demeaned him, Melvin looked at his hands, making out the fine details of his fingerprints as he rubbed them together.
It was mentioning Rin that had him looking up, lips pressed things as he hesitated and as Horace just continued listening off his explanation. His mouth opened, and closed when he came to his conclusion.
But now you're just a shitty person and a shittier friend.
To this, he said nothing. To all of it, he said nothing.
Horace didn't understand that sex was an extension of his feelings, nor that "you've been ******** him forever anyways" was not HIM but HER. Rin had no part in his listing. Horace had wanted Melvin to come to him to talk about this first, despite it suddenly happening when he was first with Jan. About his "s**t" feelings., which made his stomach turn to consider something he held dearly called s**t.
He only glanced at the arm again when Horace brought it up, but said nothing. Even those were confused as a "s**t" thing.
Horace was right. There was no two people feeling better at the end of this. There was only a possibility for one. Explaining himself wouldn't work, hadn't worked. It was over.
He wished Saliva was here.
"Thank you..." He swallowed, sliding off the dresser as he turned to head to a nearby cabinet he kept his carpet cleaner. "For explaining that to a s**t, idiot like me." He stopped at the dresser, only turning his head so much as to catch Horace from the corner of his vision, hoping he would leave.
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2015 10:22 am
Horace's mouth twisted. Of course Melvin wouldn't respond with more than a few words. He didn't care and hadn't cared. A muscle in his jaw twitched, his mouth set in a sad line. "I've said this before and I'll say it again. You think you know Jan, but you don't. One day there's going to be a very nasty, brutal fall for you and there won't be anyone to catch you because you push people away. And maybe I should feel bad for you, and maybe I will later, but I don't. Not now. Enjoy yourself, Melvin." And this time, he would leave without looking back.
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2015 12:10 pm
He was quiet as he stood, taking time to make sure Hirace was gone before he went to the door and locked it. Walking back to the cabinet, he pulled out the carpet cleaner, and then regarded the entire apartment. He started to take out bottle after canister after scrub brush, his hand shaking with each item he picked up before he knelt down, a micro-fiber towel clutched tightly in one hand, and covered his moth as he sat there, resting against the cabinet as his face few hot and heart went painfully tight. Swallowing several times, he wiped his face and set about to clean the entire apartment.
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