Welcome to Gaia! ::

I just lost my virginity today, so it's hard to say. 8D;
I still feel like myself. Like not much about ME has changed. It's more about the relationship. Finally being able to take it to the next step after wanting to for so long. I think things will be for the better because we had sex.

After having sex, I didn't feel much different. I still felt the same.

Before I had sex, I had this bad experience with a boyfriend that I felt he was my soulmate since I loved him and he tried to control me so we could "always last." Since I wa sin love, I fell for it and became depressed and somehow ended it with help of friends and a workshop. I didn't want to be in a relationship with a guy after that and just wanted to be "friends with benefits". My best friend and I did that and then he went out with this girl he knew I hated. I was crushed and stopped the friendship.

I had my first time sex with a guy I haven't seen in 12 years over summer. We met and the next weekend he slept over. A few days later I texted him feeling like it was a sense of rape since he was in such a rush and when I told him to stop, he held me down and told me to wait. He hasn't talked to me ever since then and still refuses to reply to my texts to this day.

I realized I was only going to be hurt with the "friends with benefits" phase. My best friend and I had class together this school year and the first thing he told me when I refused to speak back was that he and the girl broke up and that I was right that she was a b***h. After a few weeks, we began going out <3 Now I'm in a relationship with a sweet, awesome, funny guy that I love.

I did change in a sense that I want commitment from people. But I still see sex the same way. I want to form a connection with the person though and actually have feelings with them.