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Death and broken dreams

I didn't get to bed 'til five-thirty, six o'clock. Other than the smokers chest that tells me when I don't get enough sleep, I woke up just dandy. Well other than the panic that set in with the crushing weight of reality, disappointment, and future disowning by my Father. It's awesome. :p

ｓｕｄｏ

▀ _ It has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with the fact that I'm being held back from doing what you do. I want to be in your position, and its irritating as ********, and this hospital visit just sets me back that much farther.

Sorry I'm a b***h when I'm stressed. Sorry I piss and moan when I'm tired and worn out. Sorry for being a failure compared to you. It extremely frustrating not being able to do anything for myself, and I'm damn sick of it.
I'm piss a** broke myself, to the point I can't even GO to college, and my gramma and family won't figure s**t out so I can get the ******** out of here so I can get a job. This deal with my gramma and great gramma isn't my problem, I'm just being nice, because its my family. I'm being used, and its stupid, because I'm trapped.

Obviously I'm irritating you. I'll leave you the ******** alone. _ ▄

ｍａｋｅ ｍｅ ａ ｓａｎｄｗｉｃｈ

Eh, I'd prefer to be working three jobs right now. In fact, it'd probably help me out. Figured out last night that the girl I've been talking to, not in a relationship sort of talking way more of a "I understand you don't like men that much but like me but you have to understand I only want sex" sort of way, may be pregnant. No certainty of it yet, but...Yeah. :/

She could always be lying. b***h is schizophrenic. Either that or she's just thinking she may be and really isn't. Gawd, schitzo's are hard to understand. :/

Haha i laughed hard when i read this.
Now dont get me wrong i didint laugh cuz i enjoy reading about other peoples shitty problems and the way they think.
I laughed because i would switch with you in a heart beat.
Right now my life consists of busting my a**, paying for my car and trying to find an apartment.
BUT in reality i wanna do this back were im from.
You see im an orphan, my pop was killed when i was 3 my mother died two weeks before my 18 bithday. i have a sister who has mental problems and since i was 5 my grandmother told me it was my responsability to take care of her when they all died. Sure at the time i was like, "well mom will live untill like 80 so ill be set" Yeah no that didint happen. Mother died and we went to live with my great grandmother and grandmother. i helped them out with everything and had to learn not to cry. because if i cry my grandmothers emotions go nuts and last year she tried to commit suicide. Aside from that my great grandmother is so old and battered she can bearly see and cant walk as much, my grammie needs to go to psycologists and my sister went to special schools.
I couldent deal with that pressure and my mothers passing plus my drug addicted uncle so dropped out of college and moved away...FAR AWAY. i started to work and pay bills got my car and stuff...then after all the glamure of being an "ADULT" passed i just realized i was a b***h, i left my sisters to the care of two old ladies that cant even take care of themselves. That they had to enendure hospital visit after hospital visit. and that i was here living my life out without a care in the world.
Now theres people that say, "you have to live your own life" and im with that, but i also think im being cruel.
After my grandmother tried to commit suicide i went over to my old home, i was at awe at how they had left my room intact and clean while the whole house was in shambles.It took me a week to get that house back to good shape and i went to the hospital with them. i wasent working at the momment but i was fine granted i have inheritance money to live off.
Anyways, it went well till me and my uncle argued and he said he wished i was a man so he could punch me...Granted he shoved me to the wall and i broke a broom on his back...AHEM so i left, ran away again.
and now i feel like s**t for it.
im working to save up monney and get the promotion to be department supervisor so i can move with a better job possition back. and i wanna help them.
So in all in all, being an adult sucks at times and i would change in a heartbeat to be in your situation.
i know family sometimes suck, and they feel like holding you back.
But in reality, how much longer will you have them.
You rant that your broke, but theres help for students.
You could do what i did, i got help from the goverment and worked at the same school i was in, then i would rush out and stay at the hospital with my grandmothers.
Its all a matter of how you do it.
You say your family dosent know how to figure things out.
but in reality for your life you need to figure it out yourself.
You want a job and stuff then work things out.
your an adult go to the goverment yourself.
I dont condone to LIVE off the goverment, but they can help you with things.
Anyways im full of s**t and seriously hope i didint offend you..i just wanted to Rant =3



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