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 Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 6:08 am
Needs lots of work, let's give it another shot old girl.
Have the FLU! emotion_zombie BUT that isn't stoping me!!!
I. Introduction
II: A Grimms Tale
III: A Plagues Infection
V: Reserved
IV: Reserved
IIV: Reserved
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Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 7:50 am
 A GRIMMS TALE Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Age: 26.Gender: Female Name: Lady Cynthia Antoinette But you can call me: Anti Activity's Enjoyed:
♥Sewing
♥Dressing up
♥Party Events
♥Socializing
♥Painting
♥Playing the Clavichord
♥Singing, Fine arts
♥Cats.
♥Nice WeatherThings frowned Upon:
☻Smoking (Pipes)
☻Being alone
☻Looking for suitors
☻Dogs
☻Rain
☻Quiet
☻Rude People
☻Being taken Advantage of
☻Spiders.Occupation: Since she is of Noble blood, She Spends majority of her time practicing magic. Her estate as at the will of her cousin until she is wed. Apperance: Very Long and Curly,to her lower back long, and is bleach blonde almost a white. To complement her hair her eyes are white with lavender tint to them. Her skin is very fair and porcelain like, since she of mixed blood it has more of a blue tint to it. Her body type is very much of a woman, she is full figured and curvy, evenly proportioned to her height of 5'9. Her hands are small and dainty but her fingers long and spider like, allowing her to play the piano easier. Features she has that stand out are, a mole just above the right corner of her lip and a birthmark that looks like a scar running across her nose to her left cheek. She can be seen in very original looking dresses that she crafted herself in what little spare time she has. She often wheres lacy veils on her head, well, any kind of veil. Region: Panymium Residence: Mishkan, Thomas. That is where she was born and raised, since she has family issues that she passed on to her cousin, she plans on packing up and moving to Winterveiw, that way she is much much closer to Anica. Faction:The Fellowship of MagesPersonality: Despite her parents passing she's a very positive gal. History: Cythia grew up in a noble household in Thomas and never really gave much thought to it. Being an only child, and a female never really crossed her mind. Usually romping around the manor was enough to keep her entertained and causing trouble for her maid that she had had since birth. As a child growing up her only options were to sit and sew,Paint, Play the Clavichord, or listen to her mother and father speak about the troops that he supplied for the army. Her father was never around much for her to grow onto him. Most of the time he was of patrolling the ports (anywhere from Pwlanarfyll ot Merrimead), lending and or retaining men. He was never home much due to this and would often say and sleep in homesteads for a hefty rent. As Cythia grew older her father came home looking paler than usual and she couldn't help but grow a wee bit concerned. Only days later her father passed leaving her grieving mother. She was sad but nothing tragic. At the age of 18 she had started making her own cloths and really wished her mother had enrolled her into Trisica University. She knew simple readings but that didn't really help. She wished she could assist her now widow mother, struggling to get where her father did. Her mother was unable to travel a lot and could only stay in Thomas due to her mother becoming weaker due to the plague. On her twenty-first birthday her mother called her into her fathers office and informed Cynthia that her father had some very close ties with the Mages. Cynthia was rather exited about this news because ever since she was 14 she started getting interested in magic. In due time she would be part of the Mages. Tuberculosis consumed her mother when she was 24. And at this point in her life, in just a few short Cynthia learned a good chunk of how to run what her father did from home. With a good start on her family management her new goal was to join the Mages. At the age of 26 Cynthia was getting good at magic and casually attending the meetings of the mages that should could make it to since it was a rather long and uncomfortable journey. There was a problem though. Since Cynthia longed to join the mages, her family name was holding her back. After a few weeks, Cynthia contacted one of her late Cousins who would be a temporary fill in of the roll until she was to wed in the future. Now with her family business out of the way, Lady Antoinette was ready to be on her marry way to the mages. FamilyMother: Wife of a Nobleman; Deceased Father: Nobleman; Deceased
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Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 7:59 am
 A Plagues Infection Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ My name is...: Kassierten Teufel
But everybody calls me...: Kass...Never Kassie, It's a lass's name!...O..Only my Grimm may call me it...
Gender: Male
Item History: The lovely broken bust was passed down through the Antoinette family. On the mothers side, Her great great great great Grandfather was a traveler and he found all sorts of interesting things that he just needed to take home with him. His wife frowned on this due to all the things that cluttered their home from previous trips. On his last promised voyage he took, he found a Narwhal tusk and fell in love with it, having to obtain the lovely pure, ivory object. Once he brought it home he crafted a wonderful horse stature from Copper, placing the narwhal tusk upon it's regal forehead giving it the splendor it needed to attract attention. The item was his prize and joy. When the grand father found out his wife was pregnant, he was ecstatic and once the daughter was born, he gifted her with the statue. The little girl once she got older and threw generations passed it to her first born and from that first born on. Once the family like hit Cynthia's mother, Gwendolyn, She (Gwen) had loved it so much, it was near and dear to her heart.
Her husband knew how much Gwen cherished the Horse gifted down from her generations and was happy to see her happy. Then again, that was before he was corrupt in the mind. When Gwen found After the child was born into the world and on her first birthday she received the heirloom. from her mother she always was drawn to it. As the time passed and Cynthia grew older and wiser she saw her father become a monster before her very eyes and was terrified to think that she was actually part of his flesh and blood.
One day when her father was raging about some financial issue concerning his soldiers she heard a loud crash as she was playing with a wooden horse. She looked up startled to hear such a violet notice coming from her fathers office and was to frightened at the time to go look. As she put two and two together she could only hope it wasn't her mothers beloved heirloom. It felt like time had stopped or slowed down as the next thing she heard was her mother in tears, screaming at her father whom was most likely intoxicated. After a while of screaming came a loud echo threw the rooms and she knew it was the harsh sound of a slap. It killed her inside. After the Fight had ended, little Cynthia walked into her fathers, heartbroken to see her gift on the ground into many pieces. The body was not salvageable but but the head, still in tact and the tusk unbroken. A few sapphires were missing from the neck but that would only add character later. The girl took the now busted bust to her room and there she hid it away in a pile of stuffed animals her parents had lavished her with and she never cared to touch. There is sat safe from the wrath of her father who would "give her the world".
Now in the future, ad the last few days of her mothers dying breath, Gwen was polishing the heirloom witch now furnished the mantle quite nicely, Observing it closely she coughed on it, thinking nothing much of it. She walked away to go lay down and rest in her dying moments. Cynthia wasn't there to see her mother cough on the bust so she had no idea. To busy caring for her mother, she was way to busy with the Mages, her fathers business and her mother to be worried about the bust which was now oozing with the plague. The Ivory horn was now contaminated and stained with the filth that would linguine in Cynthia's life for as long as she were to breath the manor in. Cynthia has every right to "Escape death". Which she always says her home wreaks of. After her mothers death, the plague only grew thicker. Cynthia was far to busy with now the financial issue her father left her and mild depression to notice the horse bust was now dripping slightly with death. though she payed little mind to it, she could still smell it, but was preparing herself for a manifestation to happen sooner or later.
Personality: Starting off, it would appear Kassierten comes off as as charming. With a wink of his eye or a flash his smile he could swoon a woman or male if he really wanted to. Proud like a peacock, he slashes around his colors and how magnificent he is. Much like the tusk, he's sharp (intelligent) And a foreign beauty. He is a socialite and loves to be surrounded by many. He's all about grace and beauty, table manners and watching his P's and Q's. Like a butterfly he flits to many different social events with the help of his gimm. And it doesn't just need to be a large party when he puts his charm on. Even if it's just a small trip to the market he will play any shoppe keeper that snags his interest. He is a firm believer in the fact that every one is beautiful. Money doesn't bring beauty, it's what's on the inside that counts for him.
Kassierten not only is a charmer, but he is also a very kindhearted soul, since he did spawn from the soft mother, he formed into some one whom never knew how to hate. He looks for people in trouble to help them. Wanting nothing more it seemed he was a mysterious knight that saved the sick. He will always be willing to led a hand to those in need. Not only is he willing to help other but his grimm is top priority to him. He supports her in her quest to wed and also in her hobbies of Music playing and sewing. He very much enjoys seeing her with a smile on her face and to see her relaxing for just a little bit since she carries such heavy burdens on her shoulder.
Kass is very much a helper and a brave heart, around the manor, or where ever he goes. Kassierten loves to help Cynthia with her sewing and put in his two cents on what he thinks would complement her best. Since his grimm enjoys the fine arts it had rubbed off on him. He's inspired by how good people can be on the clavichord and often took a liking to it, jumping from note to note to create simple melodies. Since his little legs cant carry him to the other side of the piano he often has to borrow Cynthia, whom is more than willing, to help him create the melodies he wishes. An even deal, fingers for help. He's not afraid to ask for help either. With a brave heart he will boldly announce he is struggling and believes that others should do the same.
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Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 8:00 am
gaia_nitemareleft Reserved gaia_nitemareright
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Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 8:00 am
gaia_angelleft Reserved gaia_angelright
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Posted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 8:07 am
gaia_nitemareleft Reserved gaia_nitemareright
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Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:07 pm
CRIT 1/3
GRIMM
First of all, Cynthia doesn't really fit the tone of the shop at all. I don't know if anybody told you, or if you read the front page, but this shop is medieval. Cynthia is far out of place, and I'd like to ask that she be fixed for a medieval setting. If you need any help with medieval history, we have resources in the Council dropbox, which I can add you to, and I can also provide you information over PM or instant message. For a more immediate reference that may be helpful: medieval (think King Arthur, monks, Vikings, saints, Crusades, Joan of Arc) versus Regency (think Jane Austen, Lord Byron, Mary Shelley) versus Victorian (Think Sherlock Holmes, Oliver Twist, Alice in Wonderland, Dorian Gray). Some things that don't exist in Panymium that people usually assume do are corsets and suits. These are all several centuries after the end of the medieval period. However, the medieval period lasted a thousand years, so we tend to be fairly forgiving about what part of that period you draw your inspiration from, so long as it doesn't obviously clash with canon.
Activities enjoyed: How is "death" an activity she enjoys? It's not really an activity at all. Also, pianos didn't exist in the medieval period and don't exist in Panymium, so you may want to replace that with a medieval instrument.
Things frowned upon: Smoking is something else that isn't a usual pastime in Panymium, and when it does happen, it's through pipes.
Occupation: If she's of the nobility, she's likely not to have an occupation. While noble ladies did run their households and spin thread to make cloth, as well as work on tapestries, they didn't really sew dresses, and their occupation was their noble title. Most of their work was channeled back into their household, which they were expected to manage, and if they were unwed, they were expected to learn to manage their future husband's household.
Skin color: Italy doesn't exist in Panymium, as it's a fictional country that's part of a fictional world. Just needed to check to make sure you knew this, there's no real Italy-equivalent, although there might be a country -like- Italy.
Character highlights: The bruises left from an attempted hanging would not linger, as they're just bruises. They would eventually heal, and there wouldn't be significant bruising if she hadn't been hanging long, as she obviously wouldn't have been since she survived.
Please condense all aspects of her appearance to one paragraph titled "appearance". It'll be easier to read. Also, the image you have won't work for an actual picture of her as a Grimm, although it's fine to give us a general idea of her physical appearance. Her clothes, however, are not the kind that would exist in Panymium.
Residence: Do you mean "Mishkan"?
History: There is way too much drama in this right off the bat. If you read the quest advice forum, we specifically advise you against loading your Grimm's history up with as much trauma as possible before they even get a Plague. It doesn't make for an easy character for other people to roleplay with and it doesn't make for an easy character to take a backseat to their Plague. Please rewrite her history, it's far too melodramatic to allow her to function as a character, and also completely ignores what her role in society would have been as a medieval noble lady. Manors were not elegant houses in the medieval period, nor are they in Panymium, but rather, large landed estates, which would have peasants and serfs working on them who would answer to the family of the lord. The lord is far more like a landlord or an estate manager than someone who simply sits back and enjoys their wealth, and the title is more like a job, which details a role for everyone in his family, including his daughters. While lords would have parties, these wouldn't be dinner parties, but rather feasts and celebrations on important calendar days.
Personality: I thought that Cynthia loved death? Also, why is she going to pubs and brothels? She's still a noble lady, and you said that she hated men, so why would she expose herself to places where she's most likely to find forward and grasping men to harass her? Who is running her family's estate if she's always off at parties? Who is inviting her to these parties? Other local nobility? Has no one discussed marrying her? Marriage was an important social obligation for noblewomen, and if she wasn't married, her father's land would have passed to the next male heir because of primogeniture, unless there was no living male relative, which would thus put pressure on her to produce one. This personality is far too short, also, and honestly, I don't buy for a single second that Cynthia doesn't like to bother people about her sorrows, since she seems so intent on melodramatic grieving from the last paragraph of her history.
Love, what is that?: This is not a separate part of her bio, this is part of her personality. Please include it in the personality section.
Grimm recap: The Grimm doesn't fit the setting, and her history and personality are too bogged down with melodrama to make her an effective character. If you haven't read this thread, I highly suggest you do so before your next critique, and ask questions about the setting so you understand it better. Remember that the Grimm is supposed to support the Plague plotwise, not vice versa, so it's easier to have a Grimm whose past isn't so full of drama that to make a plot for the Plague that tops it you have to pull a Mrs. Rochester.
PLAGUE
Item history:
Why did her grandfather's wife frown on him taking things home? How is that tied to a superstition? Also, being mentally unstable isn't something you can suffer from. What kind of mental instability did she suffer from, or rather, why was it even necessary to include that detail at all?
The plaguing is somewhat unlikely, but fine. However, the bust would begin to stink as it dripped putesco goo. The goo smells like rotting death.
Personality:
If he takes others' lives, he is not kindhearted. It would be unlikely that her mother coughing on him would make him feel like her mother. It makes for a weird tacked-on sentimentality that you wriggle out of actually making part of his personality in order to allow him to be a murderous killer. While he can have a sharp side, you cannot split his personality into completely opposite halves. Find a way to reconcile these two halves of his personality without resorting to the ghost of her dead mother or change it. However, since you'll likely have to significantly alter the Grimm, I believe that his personality will have to be adjusted as well, since a lot of it seems to hinge on her tragic past.
Two crits remain! PM or instant message me with questions.
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