I'm sorry but I have to stay high all the time!!!!!!!!

[Anaya the Bee]

I'm sorry, I really am. I just have to stay high all the time. NO matter what. I need to stay high forever. I NEED TO BE HIGH ALL THE TIME!!!! I just don't feel right if I am not high.

I just have to, it's my newest obsession. I need to feel weird and high 24/7. I just have to. I WANNA FEEL HIGH ALL THE TIME!!!!!!

I think I am addicted to drugs, benadryl. Ok nvm, I am addicted to drugs. I WANNA STAY HIGH ALL THE TIME!!!!! eek  

[Anaya the Bee]

I take too much pills in such.

https://youtu.be/em328ua_Lo8
IN this video at 41 seconds is what I feel like sometimes. Shaking. I take soo many pills to feel good. I feel drugged up all the time. Few days ago we went to a haunted house and I didn’t get scared at all. Nothing. My emotions are numbed.

Also I feel weird like I’m a robot or something.
https://youtu.be/A0OirG7yBTc
I feel like the guy in the video. I could just stare blankly at someone or something like guy in the video. People talk to me I just have his exact look only saying stuff if I have to. People sometimes think I look weird and that something is wrong with me. Feel like I’m in a trance.  

[Anaya the Bee]

I noticed that my veins on my body are really visible. Like you can see them badly. Like on my face near and around my eyes. Where both my brothers don’t have visible face veins, so they thought it was weird that I did. Don’t know why. It’s weird. Could be the drugs. Many of The drugs I take, lots of them travel through the bloodstream making the veins visible cuz drugs are messing with my blood, contaminating it, wrong liquid flowing through my veins. Eventually I’ll have very little blood left, most will be drug blood.

For all I know I’m provably high 24/7 and don’t know it. I don’t feel human at all. Could be walking around high where you guys would think I’m effed up if you were to go inside my body.  

[Shikume]

burning_eyes  

[Anaya the Bee]

https://youtu.be/aGczo7oh9Ic
This girl is how I shake when I overdose on pills. I take too many pills that probably messed up my brain cuz I walk around feeling dizzy almost bumping into walls sometimes. No I don’t see weirdly, I lose balance often, lost motor skills and balance from my brain, doesn’t impact vision. Feel like a zombie sometimes though. My brothers think I walk weirdly. O.O  

[Anaya the Bee]

I hope having dark brown eyes doesn’t matter.
But my eyes are soo dark.
https://goo.gl/images/dKikJw
Like this woman, her eyes are like black like she has too much melanin in her eyes. Does having more or less melanin matter in eyes? I heard it impacts brightness where light eyes sees things brighter tint where they go outside and it’s too bright they can’t beat it, where a person with dark eyes will go outside and the brightness doesn’t bother her. Heard having dark eyes is like having built in sunglasses, I mean look at the girl in the pic link, it looks like she’s wearing sun contacts rather than sunglasses cuz her eyes are soo dark.  

[Anaya the Bee]

When my vision gets blurry, i get double vision. Most people it just blurs but me it blurs and my eyes split apart causing double vision. So weird when I watch asmr videos, where I see 2 blurry faces. Also when I get out of double vision I get dizzy and it hurts so I have to see double then it doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s weird, I blame the 2 eyes.  

[Anaya the Bee]

https://youtu.be/XTf0xXQKvK0

In this video, most of it. I want to see like that, exactly like that. Right at start of video, I want my vision to be like that and I’ll do whatever it takes to get there. Especially at 3:11 in the video.

It’s like the camera is how someone sees the world but that person has tunnel vision where they have no peripheral vision and they see like they are looking through a tunnel. But soo much distortion, I hope some people don’t see like that. I mean look at the wall in video, it’s like a ball but we all know it’s supposed to be like square/rectangle no round ball bulge, but the person if they see like this? Oh my, gives me a headache. I can imagine if a person may see like that video all their life so it’s normal to them, I mean it’s not that weird, but O.o, soo dizzy. I probably do see like that video like when I’m high or drunk, cuz I focus my vision when I’m high and the door frame lines like do ( if I put it in my peripheral, then goes to | then ) again like it’s dancing. Then I feel dizzy when I get up and almost trip and run into walls, I’m soo weird. Probably cuz I see like that video and also the tove lo video for habits stay high and don’t realize it. Uh uhhh, uh uhhhhh. (That’s what the voice sounds like when the tove lo video starts.) I’m such a druggie, I just gotta stay high all the time don’t forget I’m missing you, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, high all the time. Can’t go on alone again, please I need someone to numb my pain. Oh wait I have, Oh No my pain has been numbed. Ohh soo dizzy, wall looks like a ball... Oh No soo weird and dizzzz... *passes out*

*wakes up* Raaaaaaaaawr.. hiss. I like hiss at people or kinda roar slightly like a zombie if they piss me off. Haaaaaaaa, like a zombie.  

[Anaya the Bee]

My heart is weird. It never gets the weird double beat. It skips though where it beats pretty fast then allava sudden it pauses then goes to slow rate then picks up fast again then it pauses again. I get weird light head euphoric feeling when it pauses but doesn’t hurt, feels scary though like I pass out for milli second.

I think my heart pausing is awesome. I hope the pauses get longer because I want my heart to stop. I want cardiac arrest where my heart isn’t moving at all to see what it feels like.  

[Anaya the Bee]

Oh god my heart is palpitating like crazy. eek Help me. My heart. Soo intense. Make it stop. Please. Oh god help me.
I hope it stops. I want it to stop.  

[Anaya the Bee]

Anaya the Bee

Oh god my heart is palpitating like crazy. eek Help me. My heart. Soo intense. Make it stop. Please. Oh god help me.
I hope it stops. I want it to stop.

Palpitating like crazy again. What to do? Oh god. “Puts hand over heart.” Help me. Oh god.  

[Anaya the Bee]

I just looked in the mirror closely and saw that I have lines on my forehead even when I don’t raise my eyebrows. eek Its weird, but I knew it cuz at like work I can feel my eyebrows raising all the time. If I keep it up I’ll have forehead lines even without my eyebrows raised. I look like a druggie.  

[Anaya the Bee]

This is bad, I just crapped in my pants. Then almost peed everywhere. I can’t hold my bladder in, it’s like my nerves that makes me hold it in is gone.  

[Anaya the Bee]

Anaya the Bee

https://youtu.be/aGczo7oh9Ic
This girl is how I shake when I overdose on pills. I take too many pills that probably messed up my brain cuz I walk around feeling dizzy almost bumping into walls sometimes. No I don’t see weirdly, I lose balance often, lost motor skills and balance from my brain, doesn’t impact vision. Feel like a zombie sometimes though. My brothers think I walk weirdly. O.O

Im gonna end up like that shaking girl. My nerves are probably dying cuz I literally almost have like no reflexes. Doctor couldn’t get my legs to jerk like at all when he hit me on the knee.  

[Anaya the Bee]

I literally look like the girl in the picture all of the time. Literally like a robot. Like if you talk to the girl in pic, I can picture her not responding unless she has to. I’m like her, believe it or not but these human like robots are looking at you. You think they are just a machine but nope they see you.

God I’m exactly like that girl. Someone would like poke me or try to push me or get me to respond, thinking I’m a freak.
One time a guy kept pushing me and yelling at me trying to get me to respond, with them saying “what the hell is wrong with you?” Then they try to hit her, then she grabs the stick and breaks them. She kills people with that same look on her face.