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[MisterMage]

Well, the army for a country that size is probably drawn from all corners of the empire.. But yeah, Baghdad was also a centre of higher learning and technology, so it's a bit understandable that the courts would like to keep an eye out for any talented people that would be useful in running the empire.

And the Romans' motives behind sending the main character are good. After all, if you know your enemies, defeating the heathens will be that much easier.
The culture clash bit would be interesting, I guess. After all, to a Christian, the Abbasids would seem idolatrous and generally pretty nasty. So maybe he could, like.. Try escaping a few times, maybe taking along sensitive documents or a new invention, but failing each time?

Either way, it's a solid bae. I just wish I had more ideas to help you with.

[chewbecca]

Sister_Axel

I have a plot I actually need a few ideas for, including the entire ending. I'll try to be as specific as possible without being too confusing.

The setting is a third world war. It's in the future, but technologically we're pretty much the same. The story does rely on in-story recent breakthroughs in bioengineering and implementing AI and robotics in humans.

In the current world, China has steadily become a superpower. It financially all but 'owned' many countries, and began sending out troops to occupy some of the poorer ones after a while. Steadily occupations became a territorial dispute, and China as a country grew in power to the extent of invading some lesser countries. Whether by fear, negotiations, promises or strategy, Russia and India aligned themselves with the Chinese, and many years later the combined forced managed to plow through Japan and take the fight to American soil.

Ten years into the invasion and more than half the U.S is occupied. For various reasons, a good number of civilians ended up behind enemy lines. Their homes and workplaces are intact and everything functions fine, except for the military force is constantly present on the streets of most cities. Over time they are forced violently into camps (guised as 'civilian protection') to save resources.

Our story revolves around one such camp in the middle of Arizona. It is a camp made to accommodate more than 10 thousand people, but is occupied by less than two thousand. Because of the need for resources elsewhere and the small numbers in the camp, water and medicine are usually scarce in the deliveries.

Enter the first of our main cast. A male doctor, a rebel rouser for the supplies the camp needs, a wounded and wrongly-treated Chinese soldier who now drives the delivery truck to the camp, a sickly boy and his older sister. Their introductions and connections are simple enough.

The girl, who is a bit of a trouble-maker, sneaks into a seldom-used guard post more or less for the hell of it. There she accidentally stumbles on a project; a little girl, who she finds out is actually a WMD. She was a dying patient and was taken to be engineered as a smart weapon that could go many places and detonate on its own judgement. The girl acts relatively human, she eats breathes and sleeps, but much of her brain is a computer.

Now, the four people mentioned first end up escaping to take the girl and run (either north or east, I haven't decided) to attempt to get the 'weapon' out of enemy territory and into their military's hands. They'd have to avoid soldiers and they may meet other stragglers, but other than that I'm not entirely sure where to go once they are at their destination.

I know there will be a whole 'now we have bonded with her, but she's still a weapon' conflict when it comes time to turn her over, but other than that it seems like it just sort of flickers out. I'm not feeling a climax or turning point in the action.

Sorry for the long winded-ness. Does anyone have any suggestions?

1) I Am Compendium: prove it that a Jew during WWII in a death camp didn't wander into somewhere that was seldom used "for the hell of it." There were MILLIONS of Jews in those camps, and there was poor documentation of what went on inside the camps from the Jews's perspective.

2) I agree that Russia would NOT become an ally with the Chinese. And probably not even India.

3) As for the WMD...is she self-aware? If not, they SHOULD use her for their own side. There'd be a real moral dilemma in it then. Weapons got us into this mess, so is it really the best way to get us out of it? And then from the WMD's side, now that she knows she's a weapon, will she shed her humanity that she's grown accustomed to or will she choose to be a weapon? (Like the Iron Giant?)

[lCENSOREDl]

I am The Compendium

Russia and India would not ally themselves with the Chinese.

I won't argue this, because I know you're correct; but it's fiction. It's the future, and I'm stretching things for the sake of the story- I also have it implied (in-story) that it wasn't exactly a mutual agreement.

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Why would someone be stupid enough to do something 'for the hell of it' in a camp like that? The Japanese didn't do it in their internment camps, and the Jews didn't do it in their camps.

A camp like what? It's not a labor camp. It's just forced living to keep civilians in one place. I mentioned she was a trouble maker, and she's at an age where she'll do what she thinks makes he 'cool'. As for the Japanese and Jews, that is neither here nor there.

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No one would leave a WMD unguarded like that, even a human one. Also, why turn the weapon in? Why not write about a WWIII where they debate how or whether to use her to stop the war?

It was in the process of being transported. It was at a desolate camp, supposed to be guarded, but the guards are negligent and stuffed it in an unused corner; they don't consider it human. And I don't understand your second point? Once she is turned in, that is exactly what they will be debating.

[sorryari]

neutral UHHH I DIDNT FIND ANY IDEA neutral

[I am The Compendium]

'It's fiction' is a poor excuse to ignore centuries of politics, especially when your whole premise revolves around those politics.

What the heck camp are we talking here? You're being a) vague, b) contradictory, or c)have no idea what you're saying and I can't tell. It's hard to help you without knowing what you mean.

Militaries don't work by having 'negligent guards' like that. That excuse doesn't work with the context of the premise.

Why turn the bomb in? Then the survivors are at the mercy of the military and will be put back in the camp they escaped (or it wouldn't matter if they turned the weapon in because the military can be outsmarted by a box of instant potatoes).

You're not taking our serious premise seriously.

[lCENSOREDl]

chewbecca

3) As for the WMD...is she self-aware? If not, they SHOULD use her for their own side. There'd be a real moral dilemma in it then. Weapons got us into this mess, so is it really the best way to get us out of it? And then from the WMD's side, now that she knows she's a weapon, will she shed her humanity that she's grown accustomed to or will she choose to be a weapon? (Like the Iron Giant?)

She knows she's a weapon from the start, but her triggers mechanisms are mostly out of her control... kind of like in Iron Man, except she isn't initially friendly because of a defect or injury. She is somewhere between Artificial and Human intelligence, less emotional than a normal person but not entirely mechanized. That is the moral dilemma I was attempting (since she's part human, is it moral to use her as a weapon, even if the cause is good)?

[I am The Compendium]

chewbecca

1) I Am Compendium: prove it that a Jew during WWII in a death camp didn't wander into somewhere that was seldom used "for the hell of it." There were MILLIONS of Jews in those camps, and there was poor documentation of what went on inside the camps from the Jews's perspective.

The naxi were not that dumb and lazy and in fact caught people trying to escape possible death hiding in latrines on occasion. This is actually, highly documented. It is insulting to say that the Jews did things 'for the hell of it' in those camps.'

In fact, people wrote books where they claimed to have done such things and were bashed when it was proven this was impossible.

[chewbecca]

I am The Compendium

chewbecca

1) I Am Compendium: prove it that a Jew during WWII in a death camp didn't wander into somewhere that was seldom used "for the hell of it." There were MILLIONS of Jews in those camps, and there was poor documentation of what went on inside the camps from the Jews's perspective.

The naxi were not that dumb and lazy and in fact caught people trying to escape possible death hiding in latrines on occasion. This is actually, highly documented. It is insulting to say that the Jews did things 'for the hell of it' in those camps.'

In fact, people wrote books where they claimed to have done such things and were bashed when it was proven this was impossible.

You still didn't prove it.

[I am The Compendium]

chewbecca

I am The Compendium

chewbecca

1) I Am Compendium: prove it that a Jew during WWII in a death camp didn't wander into somewhere that was seldom used "for the hell of it." There were MILLIONS of Jews in those camps, and there was poor documentation of what went on inside the camps from the Jews's perspective.

The naxi were not that dumb and lazy and in fact caught people trying to escape possible death hiding in latrines on occasion. This is actually, highly documented. It is insulting to say that the Jews did things 'for the hell of it' in those camps.'

In fact, people wrote books where they claimed to have done such things and were bashed when it was proven this was impossible.

You still didn't prove it.

Yes, I did. I pointed out that it's false that things were too dire and too regulated and that it was false that there was 'poor documentation.'

This isn't the anti-guide. Mocking the holocaust is really, really poor taste.

[lCENSOREDl]

I am The Compendium

'It's fiction' is a poor excuse to ignore centuries of politics, especially when your whole premise revolves around those politics.

Not really. Fiction has been an excuse for all kinds of things. But really, I have also established that China was becoming power-hungry and said that I implied in-story China had bullied both into this. But in any case, I've also admitted that this is a valid flaw. It's not what I want to focus on at the moment; because, honestly, the only important thing is that the backdrop is the war. I can change the details later.

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What the heck camp are we talking here? You're being a) vague, b) contradictory, or c)have no idea what you're saying and I can't tell. It's hard to help you without knowing what you mean.

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It's just forced living to keep civilians in one place.

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Militaries don't work by having 'negligent guards' like that. That excuse doesn't work with the context of the premise.

I'm not trying to make an excuse. Do I need an excuse to write my characters a certain way? They're out in the middle of now where, they're overstaffed for the amount of charges they have. They've gotten lazy. No, it's not how a military is supposed to work, but it would be more ridiculous to assume the military is flawless. I am an enlisted E1 soldier (soon to be an SMP cadet), and I know first hand there are slackers. If I slack I get smoked, but an officer slacks he can get away with it. I'm not saying it's a rampant problem: my Sergeant Major is a good man, and so are the rest of my superiors, but negligence is not unheard of.

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Why turn the bomb in? Then the survivors are at the mercy of the military and will be put back in the camp they escaped (or it wouldn't matter if they turned the weapon in because the military can be outsmarted by a box of instant potatoes).

Why would their military throw them back over enemy lines? I still don't understand what you're trying to say.

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You're not taking our serious premise seriously.

I'm sorry if I come across as not taking you seriously, I do not mean to. I am very grateful; the best way to edit is to rip things apart like this. However, you're not focusing on the thing I asked for, specifically.

[I am The Compendium]

Sister_Axel

Quote:

It's just forced living to keep civilians in one place.

I already told you tis is too vague. Repeating yourself won't clarify things. Is this a forced ghetto, an internment camp, or a death camp? Why would a weapon be near any of these?

Sister_Axel

I'm not trying to make an excuse. Do I need an excuse to write my characters a certain way? They're out in the middle of now where, they're overstaffed for the amount of charges they have. They've gotten lazy. No, it's not how a military is supposed to work, but it would be more ridiculous to assume the military is flawless. I am an enlisted E1 soldier (soon to be an SMP cadet), and I know first hand there are slackers. If I slack I get smoked, but an officer slacks he can get away with it. I'm not saying it's a rampant problem: my Sergeant Major is a good man, and so are the rest of my superiors, but negligence is not unheard of.

I don't buy this in the least, sorry.

Sister_Axel

Why would their military throw them back over enemy lines? I still don't understand what you're trying to say.

You never said the camps were in enemy lines. Why would China move people into a ghetto/internment camp/death camp? What's the purpose?

Sister_Axel

I'm sorry if I come across as not taking you seriously, I do not mean to. I am very grateful; the best way to edit is to rip things apart like this. However, you're not focusing on the thing I asked for, specifically.

No, you have to take FACTS, seriously. Don't pretend this is personal on my part, that's childish, and I want to treat you as an adult, but you are not explaining things and blaming me.

[lCENSOREDl]

I am The Compendium

chewbecca

I am The Compendium

chewbecca

1) I Am Compendium: prove it that a Jew during WWII in a death camp didn't wander into somewhere that was seldom used "for the hell of it." There were MILLIONS of Jews in those camps, and there was poor documentation of what went on inside the camps from the Jews's perspective.

The naxi were not that dumb and lazy and in fact caught people trying to escape possible death hiding in latrines on occasion. This is actually, highly documented. It is insulting to say that the Jews did things 'for the hell of it' in those camps.'

In fact, people wrote books where they claimed to have done such things and were bashed when it was proven this was impossible.

You still didn't prove it.

Yes, I did. I pointed out that it's false that things were too dire and too regulated and that it was false that there was 'poor documentation.'

This isn't the anti-guide. Mocking the holocaust is really, really poor taste.

You were the one just saying Jews claiming to have escaped were bashed... Which isn't true at all; there have been many accounts of Jews escaping, although usually with help.

[I am The Compendium]

Sister_Axel

You were the one just saying Jews claiming to have escaped were bashed... Which isn't true at all; there have been many accounts of Jews escaping, although usually with help.

I said they were bashed for making s**t up. Which is true and documented. Please stop lying, my quote is right there, a few posts above you where everyone can see it.

Now, if there have been documented Jews escaping, doesn't that mean it's been documented that the guards were vigilant most of the time, due to the fact that the accounts point out how hard it was to escape?

That's not even good lying.

If you're going to lie, I'm just going to point out that you're lying. I can't help people who lie about fact I give them, especially about the HOLOCAUST.

So you can either lie or get help, it's up to you.

[lCENSOREDl]

I am The Compendium

Sister_Axel

Quote:

It's just forced living to keep civilians in one place.

I already told you tis is too vague. Repeating yourself won't clarify things. Is this a forced ghetto, an internment camp, or a death camp? Why would a weapon be near any of these?

Sister_Axel

I'm not trying to make an excuse. Do I need an excuse to write my characters a certain way? They're out in the middle of now where, they're overstaffed for the amount of charges they have. They've gotten lazy. No, it's not how a military is supposed to work, but it would be more ridiculous to assume the military is flawless. I am an enlisted E1 soldier (soon to be an SMP cadet), and I know first hand there are slackers. If I slack I get smoked, but an officer slacks he can get away with it. I'm not saying it's a rampant problem: my Sergeant Major is a good man, and so are the rest of my superiors, but negligence is not unheard of.

I don't buy this in the least, sorry.

Sister_Axel

Why would their military throw them back over enemy lines? I still don't understand what you're trying to say.

You never said the camps were in enemy lines. Why would China move people into a ghetto/internment camp/death camp? What's the purpose?

Sister_Axel

I'm sorry if I come across as not taking you seriously, I do not mean to. I am very grateful; the best way to edit is to rip things apart like this. However, you're not focusing on the thing I asked for, specifically.

No, you have to take FACTS, seriously. Don't pretend this is personal on my part, that's childish, and I want to treat you as an adult, but you are not explaining things and blaming me.

You are outstandingly hotheaded. You come back with attacks and insults to the most benign things. And when I provide a first-hand account as a soldier, you simply tell me I'm lying because you cannot think of a way to refute it? Who is the child here?

Thank you for your input, but I don't think you can help me any more.

I am The Compendium

In fact, people wrote books where they claimed to have done such things and were bashed when it was proven this was impossible.

Sister_Axel

You were the one just saying Jews claiming to have escaped were bashed...

I didn't lie?

And I don't know what you think you know, but things like Schindler's list count as documentation. I recently read an article about a man who dressed up as a guard and led his girlfriend out of a camp. I'll link it once I find it.