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You're going to gag on the meter, and you're going to hate most of the rhymes. I guarantee it. I don't read a lot of epic poetry, but what little I have read, while being very good, has also always been very, very dramatic. So this is my very, very silly response to the classic adventure. Holy Grail is infinitely better, of course, but they also had more plot than I do. rolleyes

So, kick back, relax, and try not to take this too seriously. If some part reeeeally is grating on your nerves, tell me. But, if you don't believe me when I say I intended it to sound bad, then may the great mongoose in the sky shower you with pickles.

EPIC POEM of STEVE the GORILLA and BUBBLE the PANTHER on a QUEST to SAVE the CORAL REEF from the EVIL MIGHTY MAGICIAN (or EMM)

Here is the tale of an ape named Steve
Who became a hero on Christmas Eve.
This tale has been handed down
In this fair city of Gorillatown.
(It does seem like a silly name,
But the gorillas like it all the same.)
The citizens live happily- though
That wasn't the case a year ago.
On that fateful day last year,
Gorillatown was gripped by fear,
For a magician reigned over them,
Going by the name of EMM.
(EVIL MIGHTY MAGICIAN, that is,
In case you're not an acronym whiz.)
Steve was a normal gorilla then.
He had a family and his own little hen.
Life was all right, for one enslaved,
But freedom was something he often craved.
EMM made him work all day and night
Mining the very rare VEGEMITE.
The VEGEMITE gave the magician power,
And it kept coming - more and more by the hour.
Unfortunately, the work was harming
Their fair coral reef - it was alarming!
Steve saw all the damage that was being done
And decided an adventure might be fun.
"I will challenge this VEGEMITE thief
And save our beautiful coral reef!"
With that, he did his farewell scrawl
On a note to his loved ones - hen and all.
He set out, quite heroically,
With only his strength and a will to be free.
He didn't exactly have a plan,
But somehow he'd defeat this evil man!
He wandered through the jungle for
A day or two or maybe more.
Then suddenly, before his eyes,
A trap captured its elusive prize!
No, Steve was quite all right;
The trap was set on a different sight.
A panther, black as black could be,
Was the trap's new victory.
Steve was pretty horrified,
So he dived into a bush to hide.
The panther sighed, and with a pout,
Asked, "Geez, man, can't you help me out?"
Steve was pretty embarrassed then,
So he set the panther free again.
"Thanks a lot," the wildcat said.
"Is there no courage in your head?"
"Well," Steve said, "actually,
I'm trying to set my gorilla-friends free.
The evil EMM is destroying our reef
By mining VEGEMITE." "Good grief!"
The panther said with great dismay.
"Could this be EMM, who took my home away?
Fear not, my large and hairy friend!
I'll help bring his rule to its end!
By the way, friends call me Bubble.
I can save you from all sorts of trouble."
"Gee, thanks!" Steve said with joy,
And the two went on their way - oh boy!
Now, EMM, the villain, lived in a castle,
And getting to it was quite a hassle.
(What were you expecting, a run-down shack?
No evil magician could live like that!)
The castle was hidden within a bush
Behind a stone one had to push.
But where the bush, and which the stone?
And could Steve and Bubble do it alone?
It took some searching, but one day,
A bushelly bush revealed the way.
The pair stood at the castle gate,
Trying to enter and meet their fate.
But the gate was quite securely locked-
It seemed their path was surely blocked!
Yet this pair was lucky indeed:
A locksmith, mounted on trusty steed,
Rode by and picked the lock so tough
And rode away to do... other stuff.
They entered the chambers of the Wiz,
Saying they had important biz.
EMM, surprised at their arrival,
Fled the room (for his survival).
Bubbles caught him quickly, though,
And Steve inquired thusly so:
"Why would you want to hurt the reef?
It's pretty, man - what's your beef?"
EMM struggled in the panther's paws,
Only to be threatened by sharper jaws.
"Because," he said, with fearing eyes,
"VEGEMITE will realize
My plan to make the ultimate pie,
Called 'EMM's Delight." "Is that why?"
Steve asked, confusion quite profound.
"I've got something more safe and sound."
And so, EMM went with Bubbles and Steve
To celebrate good Christmas Eve.
There, EMM ate pie so excellent,
He then this Christmas message sent:
"This pie's so great, my stomach's sore;
No reef should suffer anymore!"
Now everyone was happy when
EMM said this - even the little hen.
The moral of the story is,
Have lots of pie, you silly Wiz.

Well, I went in knowing that the rhythms wouldn't be exact. I'm still debating whether I want to make it perfectly smooth or leave it choppy (as a form of mimicry). Jury's still out, though.


Eheh... That's definitely one of the lines that are new. I wrote most of this poem about a year ago or so, then finished it tonight after a bought of twitterpation. I guess I wanted to add a cheesy character to the whole thing by forcing a few rhymes and adding in some atypical phrases. (Honestly, what hero in a GREAT EPIC POEM would ask the enemy, "Why are you doing this, you foul scum?" xp )


Sankyaveddymuch. whee

You have earned a domo-kun. domokun This poem rocks.




This is the only part that did not rhyme. Not even a little bit.




These are the funniest four lines in this poem. O___O They seem so forced, but..... so funny!!! xd

whee
I'm glad to see this is getting a good reception.

I'll put it out there for one more period of isolated commentary before copying it into my thread.