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Welcome to the Writers` Workshop
and
Contest Charity Foundation
[ First | Contest | Assignment ]
[ CONTEST CLOSED ]
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[ Thread | Contents ]

NOTICE: Please post any comments, suggestions, greetings, remarks, etc. (including those about this contest) in the HQ thread as they will more than likely not be seen here.


[ First Post | Mahayr ]
--[ Staff Note ]
--[ Workshop Staff ]
--[ How it Works ]

[ Second Post | Mahayr ]
--[ Current Assignment ]
--[ Submission Guidelines ]
----[ Submission Form ]
----[ Submission Example]
--[ Peer Review Guidelines ]
----[ Peer Review Form ]
----[ Peer Review Example ]


[ Third Post | Sqarr ]
--[ Commentary | Judgements ]

[ Fourth Post | Major Domo ]
--[ Current Prizes ]
--[ Listing of Submissions & Peer Reviews ]
--[ Current Contest Leaders | Winners ]
--[ Contest Ignore List ]

[ Fifth Post | Mahayr ]
--[ Commentary | Judgements ]

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[ Staff | Note ]

--Welcome to our first ever writing contest! Please excuse any wrinkles that may still need to be worked out; this is an on-going project that will be tweaked, modifed, fixed and overhauled as time and awareness permits.
--If you've stumled across this contest and haven't yet visited our Headquarters, please do so now and brush up on our mission, rules and any other pertinent information that didn't need to be repeated here.
--Be aware that this is not a discussion thread. It was created because this is an on-going competition that will encompass many rounds of submissions and goals, all overseen by the Writers Workshop & Contest Charity Foundation. Since there will be multiple rounds, we've decided to create a new thread for each round so as to keep things neat and tidy. Our Headquarters is where you can find all the discussion and questions you like about our organization. Please help us keep this as organized as possible to make it easy and accessible for the young writers of Gaia to participate.
--Thank you for stopping by! We hope to hear from you soon. Do let us know if you have any questions or comments and we will do our best to respond quickly.
--Again, just to be positive everyone sees it: Be absolutely sure you visit our Headquarters [HERE] before posting anything in this thread! Please do not bump this contest! Thanks!
-----Sincerely,

-----The Writers Workshop and Contest Charity Foundation Staff 3nodding

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[ Workshop | Staff ]

[ Publisher | Mahayr de Ba`Haleahr ]
--[ Workshop Management ]
--[ Public Relations ]
--[ Judging ]

[ Assistant Publisher | Rose the Dark Thorn ]
--[ Judging ]
--[ Advertisment ]
--[ Recruitment ]

[ Editor-in-Chief | Sqarr ]
--[ Proof-Reading ]
--[ Judging ]
--[ Site & Thread Administration ]
--[ Art Direction ]

[ Agent | Major Domo ]
--[ Bookkeeping ]
--[ Donor & Sponsor Relations ]
--[ Prize & Award Handling ]
--[ Advertisment ]

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[ How | It | Works ]


--1. Writers will be given a subject and contest assignment to be completed by a set date. An example and guidelines will be posted in a clear and concise manner and all writers participating in the contest assignment will be free to contact the Workshop Staff [both in public and private] with questions, suggestions, et cetera, before submitting.
--2. Current Contest Assignments will be posted and details of the contest assignment will be given in the second post of this thread. Newest information will appear first.
--3. Writers will be required to review and assess at least one other contribution, based on a form to be provided for that portion of the assignment. Such reviews will be comprehensive according to the following criteria:
-----a. [ Style ]
-----b. [ Narrative ]
-----c. [ Characters ]
-----d. [ Grammar & Punctuation ]
-----e. [ Plot | Originality ]
--4. Writers Reviews will be based on a star system:
-----1 - 5:
--------1 = Poor
--------2 = Fair
--------3 = Average
--------4 = Above Average
--------5 = Exceptional
--A sixth, over-all rating does not need to be based on an average of the five above, but must be accompanied by an explanation of the reviewer`s over-all impression of the piece.
--5. Any participant failing to meet the review requirements will not have their own work considered for that contest assignment.
--6. Entry fees will be assessed any time we do not have enough in our coffers to award prizes without having to ask for entry fees. Our coffers will be filled by donations [gold, items, letters, boxes, trunks, et cetera] per the generosities of any Sponsors and Donators we can attract.
--7. Prizes: First prize, Second prize, Third Prize, Honourable Mentions [number to be based on entries and Staff discretion]. Each prize will be named at the beginning of the Contest Assignment and awarded on specified dates [based on when the contest assignment ends, time taken for judging, and completion of contest assignment business by the Workshop Staff].
--8. All other Workshop and Charity Foundation rules and guidelines will be followed. Failure to do so may result in a correction or warning. Gross failures will be taken as an indication of laziness or apathy, and the participant may be ignored or black-listed.


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[ Current | Contest | Assignment | Scope | & | Goal ]</center>

--The Premiere Contest Assignment for the Writers Workshop & Charity Contest Foundation will be run by Free Choice rules. Future contest assignments will be more specific and be rewarded with higher prizes. Please see Submission Rules for details.
--We look forward to an exciting take-off event and wish you all happy writing, and good luck.
--Submission Length and Type Limits:
-----a. Poem [any style] - 50 lines or 1000 words
-----b. Short Story - 1000 words
-----c. Memoir - 1000 words
-----d. Excerpt - 1000 words
-----e. Commentary - 1000 words

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[ Submission | Guidelines ]</center>

--1. Consistent use of perspective and tense will be considered. Examples of perspective are First and Third Person. Examples of tense are past, present, and future.
--2. Individuality is encouraged and will be considered by judges.
--3. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation matter, though English not being an author's first tongue will be considered.
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[ Submission | Form ]</center>

Quote:
Author (if other than Gaia name to be used): ___________________

Title: ___________________

Contest Assignment Title: Free Choice

Submission Genre: ___________________

Submission Being Reviewed: ___________________


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[ Submission | Example ]</center>

Quote:
Author: Mahayr

Title: It Rained

Contest Assignment Title: Free Choice

Submission Genre: Poem

Submission Being Reviewed: Madison - Growing Up


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[ Peer | Review | Guidelines ]</center>

--1. Ratings for each category will be from 1 to 5:
----a. Poor
----b. Fair
----c. Average
----d. Above Average
----e. Exeptional [Use with great discretion]
--2. Comments will be courteous and respectful. Remember, your own piece will be reviewed and evaluated and you would not want anyone to be unkind when reviewing your submission. The point in Peer Review is to give constructive suggestions and opinions while encouraging the growth and development of fellow authors.
--3. Categories will include Style, Narrative [where applicable], Characters, Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation and Plot/Originality.
--4. Style - Give consideration for individuality of expression. This includes word choice, phraseology, and ethnicity. Style is a fragile issue, and evaluations will not be based on reviewers` personal preference.
--5. Narrative - Flow, application, and relevance in regard to character conversation [where applicable].
--6. Characters - Believability, development, opinion, and feeling.
--7. Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation - See Style. Otherwise this is self-explanatory. Make allowances for British spellings, slang, and individuality.
--8. Plot/Originality - Type, development, climax, anti-climax, and conclusion. Freshness of ideas and expression.

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[ Peer | Review | Form ]</center>

Quote:
Author and Title: __________________________

1. Style Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
2. Narrative Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
3. Characters Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
5. Plot Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
6. Over-all Impression Rating: ______


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[ Peer | Review | Example ]</center>

Quote:
Author and Title: Chan - Growing Up

1. Style Rating: 3
---a. Comments: I thought your style was average because it seemed to lack detailed logic relating to <reference example of a detail such as a town referred to>. You might include such details as landmarks or <area where the story takes place in>.
2. Narrative Rating: 3
---a. Comments: While your style was mostly smooth and flowing, I found paragraph three to be choppy and unclear.
3. Characters Rating: 4
---a. Comments: I really liked your characters and could relate to them personally. For this assignment, you could say more about their thoughts, or their conversations could contain more detail about what is happening around them.
4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: 4
---a. Comments: Obviously, you know how to use a thesaurus and spell checker! I do suggest a bit more variations, such as your repeated use of the word "slightly".
5. Plot Rating: 3
---a. Comments: I found the story interesting and personal, but not unique. Try going a bit deeper with this one, or use another situation that would allow for more surprise.

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[ Commentary ]</center>
--Here we go...

--Let me just open this up a bit by saying that I'm an extremely critical person and that my judgments may easily be misconstrued as being brutal. I do my best to provide useful information rather than just saying something sucks or rocks. I hope the amount of effort and consideration I put into my reviews can be at least appreciated for being constructive.

--Yes, I went through the phase where I'd fly off the handle at the slightest negative critique from anyone, throwing fits about how I'll never be able to please them and such, but any of you with any serious intentions of being a writer needs to get past that phase in a hurry. This is another thing I hope to teach the young writers of Gaia: writing isn't just about stringing a bunch of words together. It's about heart, emotion, feeling, sensation... You can't touch someone if you're not touching yourself. Unless you intend to write Harlequinn sludge.

--If you happen to be among the unfortunate masses who feel gas station dime novels "is good readins", then please, by all means, don't submit here. Thank you.

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[ Judgments ]</center>

Judgment for "New Beginnings" by NataliaDisfontes [aka, Cass]
Judgment for "Only Once" by Mytyl

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[ Commentary ]</center>
--Here we go...

--Let me just open this up by saying I shamelessly copied this post from Sqarr and will now add my own comments. We make a good team because he is (see what he said about histerribleself) and I tend to be the opposite. Both gender and background contribute to our differences. I do hope that our individual and combined efforts will be understood for what they are - honest, well-intentioned, and sincere. I will never be brutal.

--Please know that it is our hope to encourage writing, not just for any initial entry to a given contest, accepting such as-is, but also to help writers improve. Reviews are required and given for good reason: to achieve a Finished Work. First drafts are rarely adequate and we do not expect to see many, but even so, re-writes will be encouraged and accepted.

--Unlike many contests, a first submission may be given an improved judgement if the writer makes an effort to take advice, work on re-writes, and re-submit as long as it is done within the time-frame of any on-going Contest.

--I agree with Sqarr, and I quote: "...Writing isn't just about stringing a bunch of words together. It's about heart, emotion, feeling, sensation... You can't touch someone if you're not touching yourself. Unless you intend to write Harlequinn sludge."

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[ Judgments ]</center>

Judgment for "New Beginnings" by NataliaDisfontes [aka, Cass]
Judgment for "Edge of the World" by pingpong867
Judgment for "her tether" by Little Teacup Storm
Judgment for "Culture and Parade" by Cassandra022
Judgment for "Tears of Heartbreak" by misty Amethyst
Judgment for "Hell Masked" by Damiascutlass
Judgment for "The Night Before Christmas" by Glitch Makoto


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I have been working hard at getting all things done! I will be doing my reviews of the so-far submissions tonight and tomorrow.

ENTRANTS: Please read my commentary regarding re-writes and re-submissions.

PLEASE NOTE: Re-submissions do NOT require an additional Peer Review.

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I will also be keeping an archive of my judgments for this assignment in my reserved post.

Damn Gaia's tendency to butcher certain symbols like apostrophes, anyway. God, it's gotten excessive.

Judging "New Beginnings," by NataliaDisfontes [aka: Cass]
--So that's what 986 words looks like... Ladies and gentlemen, yet another point of confusion: Mahayr was supposed to have increased the submission length limit to 1000 before Nat submitted. This apparently didn't happen. sweatdrop But it was supposed to, so this length is fine.

--I could easily see the opening paragraph split into more than one, like this:
Quote:
--The roadway seemed longer [...]

--Under normal circumstances a [...]

--Languishing to be plied, [...]

--How different it had been [...]

--The transition between paragraphs is normally something I feel when I'm writing. As soon as one's focus shifts, a new one should be started. It's like turning your head:

--Over here, we see this.

--Over there, we see that.

--Since the reader isn't a static camera sitting in one spot, focused one only one thing, paragraphs give the impression of a dynamic focus; roaming eyes that move to take in the most important bits of what's going on before them.

--This beginning feels a little weak, oweing perhaps to the target character's desolate state of mind.

--In contrast, there are several elements used in an apparent attempt to give an impression of grandeur and impact to the story, however; an endless road, a world-reknown grandfather, war. The road and war are plausible points, but I personally find the weight of the world-reknowned person could easily have been done away with. Despite what is constantly blithered on about on TV, fame isn't important.

--Let's see how that element is handled throughout the story, though. It may work out.

--This phrase seems broken:
Quote:
which now enveloped all of focus

--Did you mean "all of her focus"?

--It's not necessary to over-burden the piece with too many words that carry the reader too short a distance. I find your second paragraph suffers from this. In writing minimalism is a good thing. This is one of the topics we hope to cover in contests in the near future.

--"Theodore's whitened mane" could have opened your third paragraph much easier. This goes to what I said about minimalism: Don't try too hard to be overly original with your phraseology. It makes reading tedious and slow. In the end, it isn't each phrase that readers will remember; it's what you made them feel and how deeply you made them feel it. English isn't a poetic language by nature. I don't think it can be forced to be without taking away from its values as a language.

--Your use of French is quite fractured.
Quote:
Vous êtes aucun mieux que le pape vous savez, l'âne sans valeur. Vous voulez prendre la vie facile à tout moment, même quand il y a le travail pour faire


--The use of, "vous," is reserved for terms of respect, generally directed at people of higher status or age than oneself. Since what he is telling the thing is obviously derogatory, I think the less respectful, "tu," would have worked better. It's the same as Japanese sufixes on names: -chan and -domo and them.
Quote:
« T'est pas mieux que l'pape, tu sais; l'âne sans valeur. Tu veux la vie facile tout le temp, même quand il y a du travail a faire.

--I was never any good at identifying certain things, like which "ah" goes where [as, a, Ã , et cetera], but I got the general structure right I think. More of a grouchy, irritable tone. The exact spelling's probably off, though.

--I recommend not using languages in your works that you don't know much about. It's more professional to just give the gist of what's being said in English. There are plenty of examples of this. The Pearl comes to mind [I don't care for Steinbeck, though].

--After such overly-long sentences, I find the ending to be a little rushed. You could have done a lot more with that piece. The setting could mean so much more, but it hardly touches me. The grandmother's death is meaningless because it's so quickly mentioned, then so quickly brushed aside.

--Style: I have to give low points for this category. Inatention to paragraphs, overly-long sentences, tedious over-use of words that take the reader nowhere, the unneeded use of French... I'm afraid I have to give a 1.

--Narrative: Again, I find the narrative quite weak. The over-use of words kept me out of the narrator's head. The descriptions did not feel natural. The thoughts weren't flowing in the way the average human mind works. It all felt like a monotone. 1.

--Characters: The grandfather and donkey were consistent, but could have been used to create a much stronger commentary by simplifying and deepening or eliminating their emotions. 2.

--Grammar & Punctuation: You avoided using too many commas, which is a big problem these days. Contrary to popular belief, commas do not indicate pauses. French novels tend to put the double arrow symbol when people are talking [like I put above, as an example; I'm not sure if I used it right, though] instead of quotation marks, but your piece was primarily English, so you did right with the quotations. You did very well in this area. 4.

--Plot, Originality: I liked the setting, but so much more could have been done with it. I found the fame element was not necessary and added nothing to the plot. Was it supposed to be set around the first world war, or something earlier? I can't say as I expected anything to be submitted with such a setting, so you get points for originality. 3.

--Over-All: This piece had subtle depth, despite not being as well-expressed as it could have been. It has some shortcomings in style, but Nat was obviously thinking when she wrote it. I can say I was pleasantly surprised, but it could have been much stronger. Good job. Keep practicing and I bet you could honestly wow me in the near future. 3.

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Author and Title: NataliaDisfontes - New Beginnings

First of all, let me tell you that, coming from a background of lots of descriptive writing, this was very very descriptive. I mostly enjoyed reading it, though there were a few awkward parts in it that could be brushed up to further improve this piece.

1. Style Rating: 2
---a. Comments: Though your word choices were, overall, very nice, I found that the large paragraphs were slightly daunting. The French was not necessary to the piece. I've never learned French, so I didn't know what you were saying when you wrote that. Though the translations were nice, it still did not flow as well as it could have if you had just cut out the French. The sentences that you wrote were very long also, and it might have been nice to vary in your style of sentences just a bit. It might interest a reader more. Too much of a certain type of sentence also makes the flow seem slow.

2. Narrative Rating: 2
---a. Comments: To me, the flow was slightly slow, and maybe a bit choppy. The sentences were very long, and so were the paragraphs, and that made the piece seem much longer, and drier, than it really was. The one-sided conversation between the Grandfather and the donkey was good, but there again, the French drew away from the value of that for me.

3. Characters Rating: 3
---a. Comments: Though I didn't get much of a feel for Ada - there wasn't enough of her emotions for me - I did like the Grandfather and the donkey. I could see them. The only problem you might want to address is more development in your main character, Ada. Otherwise, this was good.

4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: 3
---a. Comments: Spelling and grammar were fine, but the punctuation drew away from the quality of the story. There were too few commas, and I think you would have benefitted greatly from the use of more. It would have separated the sentences into more clear thoughts, and added to the flow.

5. Plot Rating: 1
---a. Comments: I could not see where this story was going. The plot was very unclear to me, and even after reading over it another time, I still only vaguely see it. The plot needed to be brought out more in the writing, and then it would have been a much better piece.

6. Over-all Impression Rating: 2.5
This piece was well-written with descriptions, but it was lacking in the plot. For me, the plot (or lack thereof) was what really brought this piece down. I think there were many things that you could have done to make this piece a better stand-alone. A good effort, but I think that more attention was needed to plot.

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In all actuality, it is more like a new chapter of a plot that I'd left to rest about six months ago and merely a piece of the picture overall. But due to limit constraints and such it was difficult to encompass all of it. This is the piece in which I attempted to recap that which has transpired in between my last stories with her and what hopefully is to come, and it is not set in modern times at all but rather in an era where war devastated the lands. And her grandfather in the backhistory of this story which is quite indepth is and was a world reknown violin maker. I studied violin making for two months in preparation for writing his part of the story overall alone. This was my reawakening piece for her, in hopes that it would inspire me to begin anew and take them from the place which they had been left in and progress. But honestly, maybe it's best that she just stay asleep for now.

I didn't honestly enter this so much to be a contestant but to show you guys support as I felt like it was a good thing. I figured what I couldn't contribute in gold, I'd put out there in support. I hope you get alot of entries and kudos to all who do enter.

Sqarr
--Your use of French is quite fractured.
Quote:
Vous êtes aucun mieux que le pape vous savez, l'âne sans valeur. Vous voulez prendre la vie facile à tout moment, même quand il y a le travail pour faire


--The use of, "vous," is reserved for terms of respect, generally directed at people of higher status or age than oneself. Since what he is telling the thing is obviously derogatory, I think the less respectful, "tu," would have worked better. It's the same as Japanese sufixes on names: -chan and -domo and them.
Quote:
« T'est pas mieux que l'pape, tu sais; l'âne sans valeur. Tu veux la vie facile tout le temp, même quand il y a du travail a faire.

--I was never any good at identifying certain things, like which "ah" goes where [as, a, Ã , et cetera], but I got the general structure right I think. More of a grouchy, irritable tone. The exact spelling's probably off, though.

--I recommend not using languages in your works that you don't know much about. It's more professional to just give the gist of what's being said in English. There are plenty of examples of this. The Pearl comes to mind [I don't care for Steinbeck, though].

By the way, the french language in and of itself is meant to be staggered; it's not a rigid form like Japanese or German. 'Vous' in french means 'they' or 'we'.......there's no heirarchy to it. And it was included because typically it lends to the effect of the piece overall. Call it what you will, but upon reading the first instance of french that accent was firmly embedded in mind for the duration of Papa's argument.

And -domo and -chan are affectionate terms, I believe that you might have been referring to -san, -sama, and domaiso.


Eh, I'm thinking about withdrawing it since it isn't what you guys are looking for. Sorry for the bother.

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Author and Title: pingpong867 -- The Edge of the World

1. Style Rating: 4
---a. Comments: The style here is appropriate to the content in many ways, though I feel as though you've tried to split the difference between a narrative voice that evokes the "self-righteous revolutionary" image and one which evokes the "depressed, self-centered intellectual" image. An argument could be made for either, right up until the end. If this ambiguity was intentional, kudos. However, I found the story somewhat less appealing because of this. Considering the subject matter, I would personally have liked something a little closer to satire, and this, by contrast, was very even-handed.

2. Narrative Rating: 5
---a. Comments: The narrative style is easy to follow, moves very smoothly from one event to the next, and provides a natural, gradually expanding view from the interior of the narrator's mind to the actual scene in which the story takes place. Well done.

3. Characters Rating: 3
---a. Comments: It's hard to discuss the characters in this story because they can really be treated as dual: the narrator versus everyone else. The narrator's personality, her thought processes and world view are very clearly defined, but we know nothing else about her. In a sense she is an "everyperson," an archetype into which readers are meant to plug themselves. The only other character worth mentioning is the cop, the chosen representative of everyone else. His qualities don't seem to be chosen as much to make him a life-like character as to make him an apt metaphor: good-looking, dense, dumb, persistent, stuck to a pat speech, with nothing to offer but orders and platitudes. Again, he seems an archetype into whcih readers are meant to plug persons of their own acquaintance.

4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: 5
---a. Comments: I didn't notice a single error. Good work.

5. Plot Rating: 4
---a. Comments: I was very, very pleased by the ending. You took an initial setup with a lot of cliche elements, sprinkled it with fresh descriptions and a touch of actual humanity (much as your narrator might disdain to consider that a positive trait ^_^), and managed to show your narrator choosing life without renouncing her principles. The major flaw I see in this plot--and maybe it's not a flaw so much as an indication of my personal preference--is that we get no background. We have no idea who this character is or why she chose to sit on that ledge in the first place, nor do we have any inkling of what she plans to do when she descends.

6. Over-all Impression Rating: 4

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Title: her tether

Contest Assignment Title: Free Choice

Submission Genre: Poetry
Submission Being Reviewed: pingpong867 -- The Edge of the World



Some fears are real: some realizing's frightful.
Feeling power-full's delightful
while it lasts, but soon it
...................................passes.

Lies I've told and lived yet not believed
can never leave me now, though truth
keeps changing, faster than I
..........................................grieve.

Still, nothing shakes the specter from my back.
Counterattacks are worthless,
mirthless scratches on a stainless
................................................mirror.

Grace abounded, grace had found me
grateful. Hateful as it sounds,
I flinched, and pulled a liar's face
........................................around me.

How can I now resist her,
closer than my brother, sister
to the stillness that preceded even
.................................................motion?

How did we get connected?
Rings of convex faces genuflected,
bent, exposed the self I'd kept
.............................................protected.

The mother of my lies is not the crawling
in the world, that other sacred
place my eyes still seek out,
........................................bawling.

She is a fetid, fickle parasite,
a tiny leech that might have died
if not for me, my speechless
.........................................stalling.

How can I now reclaim the life
she sucked from me, when, stuck in me
the barbs we planted bind our fates
...................................................together?

In my own weakness I did seek this state,
did wreak this, knowing
that I should have thrown my weight against
................................................................her tether.

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To Little Teacup Storm: Thanks for the review! To answer some of your questions...

Anything that you wondered whether it was intentional or not, was not intentional. When I write, I don't really think much about what I write... just let the words flow from my mind to my hands... so mabye subconsciously, it was intentional, but I did not think about it while I was writing it.

Yes, the characters I used were archetypes... and I liked it like that. Sometimes the characters are just brains, or images, that float around in my brain. Rather than make them into a whole, complete character, I prefer to keep them (occasionally) just like what I see. So, my narrator, the brain, was kept simply as a thinking person, and the only other obvious character, the cop, was just the image of a good-looking guy... my style, I suppose.

Sorry about how Gaia botches up some of the punctuation... sweatdrop

I'm not good with backgrounds, unfortunately... something I leave out all the time. Oh well... whee

Thank you for the constructive criticism and the comments; they were very helpful!
Gaia Forums » MISC Forums » Forum & Sticky Archive » Writing Contests

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