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At long last, Friday is finally here! I’ve been anticipating today’s report so much that I’ve barely been able to focus on my duties as head of the EI Lab! As a result I’ve mostly been holed up in my office, staring at the calendar and willing the hours to go by. Remarkably, the Labs still ran pretty well without me! I think it had something about our assistants being “less terrified” to come to work? I don’t know, I just skimmed the papers in the suggestion box. Honestly, I never pay that much attention to them! That’s probably because I’m too busy marveling at the items on today’s report. We’ve got evolutions from Haute Modena, Aria Dannata, and Firefly’s Flame to analyze, so let’s hop to it!

Haute Modena: Meilland truly believed he had everything. He was extremely successful, since managing his wife’s career was quite lucrative, and his wife was the star of the fashion world. Designers claimed she was their muse, and they practically stumbled over one another in an attempt to book Etoile for their shows. But Etoile was more than just a beautiful model: she was also kind and very generous. Meilland, however, didn't appreciate her -- for he was proud man, and very egotistical…

Aria Dannata: The Playwright is practically beside herself with terror. The murderer has been inside her home, has violated her only sanctuary! Hysterical, she flees her home, desperate to get away from the cold, stiff body of the kindly actress. Where can she go? Her home is no longer safe, and she doesn’t even want to think about the corpse in her parlor, let alone reporting it to the proper authorities. Eventually the Playwright chooses a small cafe, eager for a cup of tea to soothe her shattered nerves. Besides, all these people, all these witnesses -- what was the likelihood that her tormentor could attack here? She orders her tea and takes a few gulping, calming breaths. The opera wasn’t over yet, after all; the story still had more victims to claim. As the tea cools by her elbow, the Playwright mentally reviews the story of the next victim...

He was the former head chef of the Count’s estate, a noted saucier and an absolute wonder in the kitchen. Still, despite his many talents, the chef had few allies -- he was known for his extreme temper, his cruel perfectionism. The chef was also notoriously greedy, and it was whispered amongst the servants that he had taken to stealing from the Count’s kitchen, selling the expensive ingredients for profit. Of course, the Count found out about the chef’s misdeeds, and the man had been seen arguing heatedly with the chef shortly before his death. Needless to say, some of the servants began to find the chef rather suspicious. Rumors quickly circulated through the estate, with people claiming that the angry chef had to be the one behind the murders. Eventually, the servants could no longer contain their suspicions. They contacted the authorities, and a group of the boldest servants moved to confront him. As they approached the kitchen, however, they heard sounds of a heated struggle. One servant cautiously took a look inside only to find the chef brawling with a mysterious man. Terrified, he yelled for the other servants to flee. And they did, right into a gaggle of the authorities. A hurried explanation followed, and the authorities stormed the kitchen -- only to find the chef sprawled on the floor of his kitchen, his throat opened from ear to ear. Blood dribbled from his gaping wound, staining the fabric of his chef’s apron, while the chef stared with sightless eyes at the ceiling above. In his hand he clenched his favorite, sharpest knife, the blade flecked and reddened with bloody spatter. After a thorough investigation, the authorities ruled it a suicide -- but the rumor amongst the servants was that he was murdered, and his assailant was still at large.

The Playwright sighs and sips her tea. She feels so utterly exhausted, so drained. How much more of this can she take before she descends completely into paranoia and madness? Still, the tea has soothed her somewhat, and the pleasant murmur of conversation all around her makes her feel safe. Her eyes flick around the cafe, taking comfort in the people surrounding her, when her gaze pauses on a man reading the morning’s paper. The Playwright has little interest in him, but the headline? Unthinking, she staggers from her table over to the man and snatches his paper. Ignoring his complaints, the Playwright reads the front page article with increasing horror, her hands shaking as they clench the paper. The actor who had played the chef had been found -- or at least, his corpse had. He’d been stabbed repeatedly, violently, and his valuable belongings had been ripped from his bloodied hands. He died not long after, alone in a darkened alley, just in time for the newspapers to report it.

Firefly’s Flame: Princess Firefly sends her message of deepest sympathies to the friends and loved ones of his Most Noble Beetle, the Duke of Alexandrite. Alexandrite was attending a ball being held by a high-ranking peer when he spotted the famous Imperial Star Diamond (148.348202502 carat colorless pear brilliant) being worn by the wife of a high-ranking dignitary. He was apparently attracted by the sparkle of this peerless gem, and the Duke quickly determined that it would satisfy the princess' requirement for "the rarest flame." Alexandrite flew up to the lady and politely asked if he could borrow the gem for an evening, at her convenience, with the promise that he would provide any assurance she required for its safe return. The lady, upon seeing his beautiful emerald shell on her necklace, rudely screamed and swooned in response. Alexandrite's remains are now disgracefully displayed on a pin and under glass in the private collection of some lower-ranking noble. Our thoughts are also with the families of those who have gone missing in the quest to give this noble insect the final rest he deserves.

Wasn’t that spectacular, science lovers? I tell you, evolutions like these make me proud I got into the EI research business. Well, no more moping around my office! I’m going to work extra hard to make next week’s report even more incredbile! While you’re waiting for next Friday, why not drop by our Weekly EI Poll and let us know what you think? And remember, you can see all these marvelous items up close at La Victoire!