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The tale of the twins...



Have you heard the tale of Rigel and Mintaka, the celestial twins of Orion who found themselves stuck on Gaia? Y'see, their dad wasn't too happy with their sparklier-than-thou attitude, so he grounded them on this pile of dirt-- no offense-- to teach them a lesson.

They distracted themselves by day running the Cash Shop, but on clear nights they still pined for their home, the glorious vault of the heavens, where they once skipped gaily among the stars and blah blah blah, et cetera..

Of all the ships to beam aboard, the twins had picked the very worst. It belonged to Flynn, notorious space pirate and former owner of the Cash Shop. Years ago, Rigel and Mintaka had booted her from her shop and jettisoned her into space. She was known to hold a grudge.

Flynn was shocked to see the faces of those responsible for her exile... mainly because she thought she's already caught them. Days before, she'd nabbed a pair of starfaring siblings who looked remarkably similar: she had Hatsya and Saiph locked in her brig! Flynn demanded to know the meaning of this...

Rigel and Mintaka swabbed with all their might, desperate to impress Flynn with their diligence. But just when Flynn was on the very cusp of telling them what an awful job they were doing, they were interrupted by a piercing siren. Flynn's comm screen flashed to life, revealing the gruesome visage of an utterly messed-up looking alien. In a slobber-chopped roar, it advised the crew that their baconization was imminent.

"Hold onto your mops," Flynn told the twins. "That's the fearsome Captain Horgbu, and Horgbu doesn't mess around. If he says you're getting baconized, boy howdy, you're getting baconized. Today, we fight to the death!"

The tale of the twins...

Orion, with his sparkling goat under his arm, hurled himself from the airlock. He faced down the horrifying vessel of Horgbu as its baconizer rockets gurgled silently to life. Twinkle the goat began to lazily chew at the void of space.

The very fabric of reality began to slip into the goat's ruminating maw, devouring the alien vessel. Orion patted the goat's curly belly.

"We're saved," cried Rigel. "The enemy has been vanquished, and now we're free to rejoin our father in his celestial kingdom!"

"Not so fast." Flynn wagged a finger. "I believe you're officially still my servants for life."

Just then, a great belch thundered through the ship, and Twinkle the Space Goat hacked up a gleaming object: the crushing furnace of its belly had compressed Horgbu and his ship into a brilliant gemstone!

Orion picked up the gemstone and handed it to Flynn. "Perhaps this fist-sized diamond will be payment enough to release my children." And, considering the long string of drool that oozed from Flynn's mouth, it definitely was.

Rigel and Mintaka, each taking one of their father's hands, flew into the void to return to their starry home.