Welcome to Gaia! ::

It's Evolving time! We've got two items getting updated this week: the Shadowlegend is packed with more ninja action, and the Dappy Dandy has a new selection of highbrow goodies for the discriminating sophisticate.

You can grab these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!





Stay tuned for the full report-- we're just weeks away from the thrilling conclusion to Timmy's grim ordeal of spiritual enlightenment!



Timmy: Hiya, guys! Hope I can get through this... whoof... whole Evolving Item Report without freezin' to death-- Brother Swimp is leadin' me up this mountain to meet his spiritual master guy, and boy howdy, we must be like twenty thousand feet up by now...

Brother Swimp: Just a few more minutes, Timmy! We're almost to the Master's cave.

Timmy: Say, let's see if I can tell everyone about the items without passin' out from lack of oxygen! First up this week, more thrilling tales of ninja vengeance are comin' our way from the Shadowlegend! This week, the paths of our two young heroes have diverged... Raiden has met a powerful monk (like you, Brother Swimp!) and Raika has met a dark, mysterious stranger...

Brother Swimp: I can relate. If my Master died, I'd definitely have to go on a journey to avenge his death.

Timmy: Wow! Do you have crazy martial arts skills an' everything?

Brother Swimp: No, but I was an accountant in a previous life. Perhaps I could give the killer unsound financial advice, triggering an inconvenient and stressful audit.

Timmy: That's almost just as good as beatin' them to death, I guess... so, up next, we got some cute new stuff from the Dappy Dandy! Some very sophisticated hats an' coats this time, perfect for your next old-timey soiree.

Brother Swimp: Timmy! We're approaching the Master's cave!

Timmy: Hot diggity! Great timing, too, 'cause I'm just about done this week-- just gotta tell the people to stop by and vote in our EI poll and let us know which items they like best!

Brother Swimp: We're at the entrance, Timmy-- remember to show the Master the reverence he deserves. Don't look him directly in the eye, because he tends to get agitated...

Timmy: Master, I'm humbled to be in your pres-- HOLY JEEPERS! It's Old Pete!

Old Pete: Hrmph. Urrh, I'm a, y'know. Spirit master? Pajama monk guy, I command you to bring me, uh, some brass polish and a ham sandwich. A real old ham sandwich. Because I am a master guy.

Brother Swimp: Your wish is my command, o revered Master! I would be honored to bring you the stale ham sandwich you require.

Timmy: Wait a goshdarned minute, Brother Swimp-- don't you know Old Pete? He's no spiritual master, he's just a crazy old hobo!

Brother Swimp: But... he says such enlightened things!

Old Pete: Y'wanna see my necklace? It's made outta some dog teeth, and some'a my own teeth. Maybe just my own teeth...

Brother Swimp: And... he has a beard and lives on a mountain, right? That must count for something...

Old Pete: Found a rock today what looked real pretty. Gonna make that rock my wife.

Timmy: Pete, what the heck are you doin' on this mountain? You're gonna catch frostbite!

Old Pete: Naw. Drank some antifreeze.

Timmy: Thank goodness!

Brother Swimp: So... he's really just a crazy hobo? Good heavens, Timmy... I gave away all my possessions... I closed down my accounting practice...

Old Pete: Harf. Gonna need that sandwich pretty soon, fella.

Timmy: I just spent two weeks trudgin' up this giant horrible mountain for this? I'm no closer to spiritual enlightenment than when I started! I'm not usually the kinda guy who loses my temper, but I gotta say it: this is horsehockey!

Brother Swimp: Now, Timmy, we're all feeling very emotional right now, but there's no need for that kind of language...

Timmy: HORSEHOCKEY! I guess I might as well just give up on this whole "finding myself" thing... I wonder if the Doc still needs somebody to do her dishes and wash her clothes and pry the asbestos outta the ceiling...

Old Pete: Hmph. Or y'could just go around that rock over there and talk to the Giant Holy Head.

Timmy: The what now?

Old Pete: Y'know. Giant Holy Head. He brang me a sandwich and some brass polish once. Real nice fella.

Timmy: You mean to tell me some sort of a GOD lives on this mountain?

Old Pete: Just over yonder. 'Bout twenty yards from here. Ask him if I can have another can of brass polish.

Brother Swimp: Don’t do it, Timmy! It's too dangerous!

Timmy: Why?

Brother Swimp: I don't know, I just wanted to sound important.

Timmy: Well, I guess it's my last hope... might as well see what lies in wait around the other side of that rock...