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As Friday creeps its sunny tendrils over the prairie and melts away the grey dew of Thursday, we pause to contemplate the natural splendor of evolving items. This week, we've got two items reaching their final stages: the Masquerade and the Classilke. We're also seeing the first update to the Bad Moon, our creepy October EI!



You can grab the Bad Moon and many other great EIs in the Gaia Cash Shop!





Read on for the full report, wherein Timmy confronts an existential crisis...



Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report. I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my gangly oddball of a sidekick, Timmy. Why so sullen today, Timmy?

Timmy: I dunno, Doc, I guess this stab wound never really got the medical attention it required, so I've still been havin' some trouble gettin' my various vital organs to function...

Dr. Singh: Are you still complaining about that stab wound, Timmy? For those of you just joining us, Timmy just got locked up in prison for a few weeks and suffered a near-fatal stabbing at the hands of a deranged inmate and now he's being a huuuuuge baby about it.

Timmy: Ugh... let's just do the show, Doc. Sorry for complainin'.

Dr. Singh: Yes, let's! It's a particularly big week: first up, we've got two items hitting their grand finales today! The Masquerade has transformed before our eyes from a thing of beauty to a cursed nightmare of decay-- now, in its final stage, it's transcended good and evil with a brilliant explosion of celestial light.

Timmy: Makes sense to me.

Dr. Singh: As we know, a good curse always goes out with a blaze of glory. Next up, another great finish to a great item: the Classilke is ending with a marvelous new assortment of knit garments, plus some cute insectoid accessories. How lovely!

Timmy: Doc, what's that ominous howlin' I hear?

Dr. Singh: That must be the Bad Moon, the creepy limited-edition EI that'll be rapidly evolving throughout the month of October. It's getting its first update today, and we're already seeing the horrifying transformation begin...

Timmy: I see trouble on the way!

Dr. Singh: Oh! We've also got one last piece of news this week. Once in a while, evolving items suffer a minor glitch or two: layering problems, transparency errors or generally buggy poses. Luckily, we've got a new friend to help us get those fixed up! From now on, if you spot an issue with an EI, just send a message to [NPC] Stein and he'll try to get it worked out-- remember to follow his format, though; he's a bit of a stickler for rules.

Timmy: I wonder if he can fix up this glitch I'm experiencin' with my stab wound gettin' infected and causin' the liver-destroyin' sepsis that's currently rackin' my feeble frame...

Dr. Singh: Good gravy, Timmy! Will you drop the stupid stab wound talk already? Nobody cares!

Timmy: I... Doc, I...

Dr. Singh: We'd better bring this thing to a close, folks, before Timmy starts crying or something. Remember to vote in our weekly EI poll to let us know which items are your favorites! That's all for now, but Timmy and I will be back next week with more EI fun!

Timmy: Y'know, Doc... maybe I won't be back next week.

Dr. Singh: Oh, drop it-- you're not going to die from one little stab wound to the organs, Timmy. You'll just be in a lot of pain for a while, and maybe lose some organs to blood poisoning.

Timmy: That's not what I mean, Doc. Ever since I got turned into a grown-up, everything just seems to be goin' real badly for me... prison, loose women, crazy murderers, and through it all, it seems like you've been nothin' but mean to me.

Dr. Singh: We all have our little problems once in a while. As for being mean, it's just "tough love." Now that you're an adult, you can't expect me to mollycoddle you whenever you've got a tiny little stab wound-- if I yell at you once in a while, it's for your own good!

Timmy: I dunno, Doc. This near-death experience has me questionin' the basic realities of my existence, and I'm feelin' like I just don't know what it all means.

Dr. Singh: Oh goodness, not an existential crisis... this is worse than megapuberty.

Timmy: And more and more, Doc, this grown-up body seems like some kinda curse. I just feel... y'know, deformed, unfinished, sent before my time into this breathing world, scarce half made up, and that so lamely and unfashionable that dogs bark at me as I halt by them. Y'know?

Dr. Singh: Are you waxing poetic, Timmy? Heaven help us.

Timmy: So what I'm sayin', Doc, is that I might need some time alone to relax my dome... I just feel like I gotta figure out what it all means, y'know?

Dr. Singh: Here's what it all means, Timmy: you've got a job to do, and I won't have you gallivanting around on some hippie vision-quest while you're supposed to be working!

Timmy: Well, I dunno, maybe I can do reports from the road or somethin'. I just gotta get outta here for a while, Doc!

Dr. Singh: We'll discuss this later, Timmy-- the cameras are still on, and I have some choice words I'd like to share with you that are unsuitable for broadcast. Bye bye, ladies and gentlemen!