[NPC] Dr. Singh
(?)NPC
- Posted: Thu, 22 Jan 2009 23:44:44 +0000
This week, Gimpi is finishing up its evolution! We've also got updates to the Fallen Wish, Captain Ara's Nestegg, Jinxi's Charm, Nano-C and the Infernal Spirit.
To pick up these awesome items for your avatar, head to the Gaia Cash Shop!
Get Gaia Cash cards at Target, 7-11, Rite Aid and Wal-Mart stores nationwide, or order Cash online. Learn more.
Stay tuned for the full report from Dr. Singh and Edmund, featuring an exciting climax to the saga of Evil Smooth Jazz Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for all the latest scientific news. I'm Dr. Singh, and here with me once again is Edmund, former head of research and development for G-Corp.
- Edmund: Delighted to be here.
- Edmund: Well, the plan isn't perfect, but with a little luck...
- Edmund: Wonderful! Even a tragic failure of science can grow into a fine young fellow. This little guy showed a lot of heart out there.
- Edmund: Bushiness is highly prized in the pirate community. Out on the high seas, your beard is the only thing you can trust.
- Edmund: Mythical beasts are all well and good, but I'm more of a man of science. That's why the Nano-C is so intriguing to me... it looks even more complicated and dangerous this week, and I'm a big fan of complicated and dangerous things.
- Edmund: Me-ow!
- Edmund: And the only danger she poses is a high risk of suffocation.
- Edmund: Well, when we get Timmy in here, we're going to need to convince him to get inside this centrifuge somehow. After that, we should just be able to flip a switch and all will be sorted out.
- Edmund: I designed this device years ago, when I was trying to find a way to denature Grunnies so they'd maintain their cuteness and stop being so damned bloodthirsty. Basically, in layman's terms, it spins around really fast and separates the good bits from the evil bits... as we all know, evil matter is slightly heavier than good matter, so--
- Edmund: Not exactly. It'll just separate him from his evilness through the miracle of physics and spinning. We'll be left with two totally separate organisms: one good and one evil. When we've isolated the Evil Timmy, I'll just take this shovel and--
- Timmy: Anybody home in here? T-bone ain't got time for games and foolishness!
- Timmy: Always pleased to join a fine lady. Who's this square?
- Edmund: Yes! If you'll just step into the Suitomatic VII, the gentle revolving action will steam-clean, dewrinkle and reshine your suit in a fraction of the time required by conventional ironing! Can you "dig" this, T-bone?
Timmy: I.... can dig this. I find this entire matter to be highly suspicious, but T-bone is a trusting man, and he is willing to entertain the wishes of a fine lady and her square companion, especially when an outcome of suit-smoothing is promised. I'm a man who likes his suits as smooth as his jazz.
Edmund: Please, just step inside the Suitomatic.
Timmy: Well, sure... go ahead and fire it up, baby. I'm ready for a spin. Wait... what? Hey! It's going to fast, Doc! Turn this thing down! Arrrrrrrgh!
- Edmund: Exactly! Soon, his good form will be entirely wrenched from the evil that's consumed him... it's working! Look!
Timmy: Jeepers! I'm dizzy, doc! What the heck is goin' on?
- Evil Timmy: Hey! What the... Doc, do my sunglasses deceive me, or is the old, square chump version of me standing here among us? I demand an explanation!
Edmund: Now, hand me that shovel, Dr. Singh. We've got to destroy Evil Timmy before it can cause any more havoc.
Evil Timmy: Doc, what's this cat talking about? I'm not evil! Well, OK, I'm evil, but I'm an endearing kind of evil who just wants to take over the world and shroud it in the eternal pain and darkness of smooth jazz... is that so wrong, baby?
Timmy: Criminy crackers, Doc! He looks just like me, but he smells like stale cognac and magazine cologne samples!
- Edmund: So is smooth jazz, Dr. Singh. But... very well. I'll escort this evil child back to his mansion, and I'll make sure he's placed under secure house arrest until we can find a humane way to deal with him.
- Edmund: But I warn you, Dr. Singh-- if this child should escape, this whole conversation will merely seem like grim foreshadowing in some poorly-constructed story. We can only hope that Evil Timmy is forgotten and never spoken of again.
Evil Timmy: No mansion can contain me! I vow to revenge myself upon the squares of this world! By golly, you'll pay!
Timmy: Wowzers, is that what my voice sounds like? All squeaky and stuff? I always thought I had more of a sultry baritone.
Edmund: I'm afraid so, Timmy. T-bone! Come with me! Let's get you all shackled up.
Evil Timmy: Whatever, jivewhiskers.
- Timmy: Bye bye, everybody!