Welcome to Gaia! ::

Dr. Singh: Good afternoon, everyone! Welcome to another edition of the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's most trusted source for the latest on all your favorite items. I’m Dr. Singh, and here with me are Gaia’s most beloved smooth jazz masterminds, T-Bone and Labtech Gene.

Timmy: Move it along, babe. Just get the science bit out of the way and give us a tap on the shoulder when the real show starts.

Dr. Singh: Well, OK... that’s good, actually, because we have some fantastic news! Today, a brand new evolving item is hitting the Gaia Cash Shop: Holy $#17!

Timmy: Let’s watch the language, babe, there may be ladies listening. Sensitive ladies.

Dr. Singh: No, that’s the name of the item: Holy $#17. I don’t think it signifies anything in particular, it’s just some sort of indecipherable code... I don’t know what this thing is, and its origins are totally mysterious to me. I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see, right?



And speaking of new stuff: our dusty little pal Dander is moving along this week, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it caused a few allergy flare-ups. Make sure to bring a dust mask and plenty of eye drops if you plan to study this item! In scarier news, the Death Whisper is growing ever more horrifying by the minute, and I shudder to think what may become of it.


Labtech Gene: Now what’s a fine lady like you doing with an object of such unspeakable evil?


Dr. Singh: It seems like only yesterday that Inari’s Beads and Padmavati’s Lotus were brand new, but these two exquisite premium items are now well into their evolutionary paths, and they’re really coming into their own. It seems like these two are right on track to go down as two of the coolest items we’ve ever documented! The Lotus is now most definitely taking on aspects of the legendary Naga, and the Beads are continuing along the Kitsune theme to wonderful effect.

You can buy all these great items—including the brand-new Holy $#17—right now in the Gaia Cash Shop!

Timmy: Is that it, ladies? We need to talk...

Dr. Singh: Not quite! We just wanted to let everyone know that a couple of generations of older items are finishing up this week: the 2nd generation of the Furugasa and the 11th generation of Hermes’ Moon are now fully unlocked. OK. Now we’re done with the “science bit.” What do you need to talk about?

Timmy: Babe, I think we need to have a little face-to-face about the future of this operation. Might want to sit down for this, because I'm about to lay down some ice-cold truth on you.

Dr. Singh: Uhh... sure, T-Bone, whatever you say.

Timmy: Babe, the Smooth Jazz Countdown is very dear to our hearts, but the reality is that the hosting situation just isn't really working out. We feel like certain members of the Smooth Jazz Countdown staff are maybe not quite total in their commitment to the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle, and maybe some personnel changes may be in order. Are you digging me thus far?

Dr. Singh: I'm not sure what you're saying...


Labtech Gene: He means you're a square, honey. You've been dragging this operation down with your unprofessionalism from day one, and it's time to do the right thing for the program: you're gone.


Dr. Singh: I'm sure you're mistaken, Gene, since Timmy actually doesn't have the authority to fire me...


Labtech Gene: T-BONE'S AUTHORITY IS ABSOLUTE!


Dr. Singh: Not according to his contract. You see, Timmy is technically an unpaid intern, so the idea that he can fire the host of the show is patently ridiculous. Isn't that right, Timmy?

Timmy: Err...

Dr. Singh: So what exactly are you trying to say, Timmy?

Timmy: Yeah, uh. What I'm trying to say is that maybe it's time for Large G and I to move on to bigger and better things... and speaking of bigger things, I'm pleased to announce that we've begun construction on the T-Bone Mansion, which is destined to become the nexus of a Smooth Jazz revolution that will sweep across Gaia like mellow, lukewarm wildfire.

Dr. Singh: Timmy, does that mean you're moving out of the evolving item lab?

Timmy: It does, babe. I'll be in my own digs soon. We've had some good times, but business is business. I may not be appearing on this program for a while, but rest assured that the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle will live on. Dig.

Dr. Singh: Whatever you say, Timmy... well, folks, I guess that's it for the Smooth Jazz Countdown. Come back next week for... well, I guess I'll think of something! As usual, you can tell us what you think of this week's crop of items in our poll. Goodnight!

Timmy: Remember, ladies and gentlemen: you haven't seen the last of T-Bone.