Welcome to Gaia! ::

Dr. Singh: Aww yeah, you... cats... welcome to Dr. Timmy's Evolving Item Report and Smooth Jazz Countdown. I'm Dr. Singh, and I'm, uh, highly excited to present your host, the coolest... dude...

Timmy: You're botching the intro, babe. I love the new look and all, but you gotta work on that banter if you wanna roll with the T-Bone. Show the lady how it's done, LG.

Labtech Gene: Light up the candles and drape yourselves in velvet, ladies and gentlemen, because the smoooooth jaaaaazz is about to commence! I know all the sexy ladies are ready to roll out the red carpet for the fantastic man of their fanciest fantasies, your solid-gold host... Timmy!

Timmy: See? That's how it's done, baby. You could take a lesson or two from LG. He's a natural broadcaster.

Dr. Singh: Yeah, that was really, really... great. Can we just get to the evolving items, please?


Labtech Gene: Hey! T-Bone will request your suggestions when he starts running out of ideas, which is never, you got it?

Timmy: No, LG, the lady is right: we should get the evolving item part over with, so we can give the people what they really came to see: smooth jazz!

Labtech Gene: You were right about me being wrong, T-Bone. Good call. You're the greatest, man.



Dr. Singh: Let's start with some very exciting news: the Dionaesil has reached its final form this week! That means that owners of first-generation Dionaesils can now see the item's incredible final pose, and all the previous forms have been unlocked! Elsewhere, Padmavati's Lotus is revealing some interesting clues about its future, and the Kelp o'th Loch is starting to show some clear indications of its true nature. The popular Picolitrosso's Urn is starting to become extremely cute--

Timmy: Just like you, babe. Love the beard, by the way.

Dr. Singh: Thank you, Timmy. Also this week, Alruna's Rose, one of the craziest evolving items ever, is moving yet another step closer to completion. I can't wait to see what this item still has in store! And, in other news, the 3rd generation of The Experiment is fully unlocking this week. That's about it for this time...

You can find these great evolving items and tons of other cool stuff over at the Gaia Cash Shop!

Timmy: So, now that the Doc is finished with all her science mumbo-jumbo, whaddaya say we get started on the real show? That's right, everyone: it's time for the Smooth Jazz Countdown. Let's go, LG!

Labtech Gene: I don't think they're hearing you yet, T-Bone, you'd better hit 'em again!

Timmy: One more time, all you sexy ladies out there: get ready for some Smooth Jazz! Think you can handle it this time, Doc?

Dr. Singh: You know it, little bud-- er, "T-bone."

Timmy: Dig this: hitting number five this week like a pink ostrich feather sensually striking the posterior of a fine lady, we've got smooth jazz superstar Kenny F with his hot new soprano sax track, "Blowin' in a Thing."

Dr. Singh: Awwww yeah! *shudder*

Timmy: Number four, with a bullet: the Wes Butan Trio performing "Sensual Botox." Oh Wes, you're a true guru of smooth jazz!

Dr. Singh: Oooh... so adult contemporary!

Timmy: Rising to number three this week, we've got the slow, smooth, chilled-out groove of Luther Ramses with "Naugahyde Nights."

Dr. Singh: Smooooth! I feel like I'm in a... sexy elevator?


Labtech Gene: Whoa! Cool it with the "e-word," babe. Smooth jazz is to be enjoyed in many locations-- yes, including vertical conveyance systems-- but is definitely not just (pardon my use of the term here, I say this only to illustrate your offensive conduct) "elevator music."

Timmy: Go easy on her, LG, she's new at this. Okay, moving on. Try to contain your outrage, Cassius LaFontaine fans: "Take My Hand, Baby, and I Will Lead You to a Place" has dropped to the number two spot! Pretty stunning upset, isn't it, baby?

Dr. Singh: Oooh, catch me if I faint!

Timmy: And now, the moment you've all waited your whole lives for: this week's number-one smooth jazz track! You ready for this? Well, ladies and gentlemen, here it is. Coming in at number one in an amazing debut, it's-- oh, hold on, that's my cell phone. Gotta take this call, ladies and gentlemen. Doc, you handle number one. Hello? Rico? I told you a million times, Rico, you don't get me that money by tomorrow and I'll...

Dr. Singh: But... I don't know what number one is! Do you have it written down, or something?


Labtech Gene: Let me get this straight: you show up to Gaia's top-rated smooth jazz program not knowing what the number one smooth jazz track of the week is? This is inexcusable work, baby. This is just sloppy. I don't care how long you've known T-Bone, babe, this ain't the minor leagues and we have no room for this kind of unprofessionalism.

Timmy: Quiet down, you two! I'm trying to tell Rico what I'm going to do with him if he doesn't have my money, and it's a complicated, ten-step process. You're making me lose my train of... are you crying again, LG?

Labtech Gene: I'm... I'm sorry, T-Bone, I just try so hard... it hurts me so bad when I let you down, boss... so bad...

Timmy: Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, looks like we've gotta finish this up next week. Goodnight! Anyway, Rico, you come up short on me again and I'm going to mail your most highly-prized appendages to your grandmother's nursing home!

Dr. Singh: Uhh.... okay... as usual, we've got a thread set up here where you let us know what your favorite items of the week are. And a final message to the fans: stay strong out there, and remember that I'm working as hard as I can to get to the bottom of this! wink


Labtech Gene: Your words are perplexing to me, baby, but I dig the wink. You keep that up.