radioactive alchemist
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- Posted: Thu, 13 Sep 2007 02:33:36 +0000
Indeed. This is the secret, the ultimate secret: how to get the reader to see what's happening, suck them into the book, make them forget they're reading words on a page.
Now it can be yours for only four low installments of $59.99!
Just kidding.
This secret "trick" was revealed today in my creative writing class, and now you can get in on it too.
Advancing Description
Ian MacMillan
The simple trick is as follows. You write a descriptive sentence, one you feel is full enough so that you can go on with your story. You put a period at the end of the sentence and proceed.
The more likely case is that the description, good though it may be, could be better, and the trick is to resist putting the period at the end of the sentence and instead put a comma.
Example: This is from three drafts of a short story involving two men, a grandfather and his grandson, going through a snowy rural area to a burned out house, to collect cows from the owner's barn. The house needs to be described--the fact that snow from the roof fell inside and after the fire was over, became ice, etc.
Of course, you can let this get out of hand. Assume that your descriptions lack true visual specificity, and work on enhancing that.
-----------------------------------
Okay, so possibly it's a touch confusing (especially with the examples given). Anyway, the essential part is this: take a sentence, a simple sentence such as "He rode his bike across 4th street and parked it outside the elementary school." Descriptive? Not very. In fact, it's abstract. How did he ride it? How did he park it? What's the bike look like, what's 4th street look like, what's the elementary school look like?
Here's what I changed it into:
Big difference, right? It pulls you in. It lets you see him casually drop the bike on the curb. It lets you hear the door slapping in the wind. It draws you in, makes you stop reading and start experiencing. And that's part of the whole point of a story or novel.
DISCUSS:
Did you find this technique/exercise helpful?
Those wonderful instants where you forget you're reading words on a page.
What happens when this gets out of hand/how much description is enough.
EXERCISE:
Get one of your old stories or something you're working on now or whatever. Find a sentence in it that you feel is too simple, and expand it with descriptions as outlined above. Post them both here for us to compare!
Now it can be yours for only four low installments of $59.99!
Just kidding.
This secret "trick" was revealed today in my creative writing class, and now you can get in on it too.
Advancing Description
Ian MacMillan
The simple trick is as follows. You write a descriptive sentence, one you feel is full enough so that you can go on with your story. You put a period at the end of the sentence and proceed.
The more likely case is that the description, good though it may be, could be better, and the trick is to resist putting the period at the end of the sentence and instead put a comma.
Example: This is from three drafts of a short story involving two men, a grandfather and his grandson, going through a snowy rural area to a burned out house, to collect cows from the owner's barn. The house needs to be described--the fact that snow from the roof fell inside and after the fire was over, became ice, etc.
Draft #1
Calloway's house was half gutted, and inside all the floors were iced over. Pete and his grandfather--etc.
Draft #2
Calloway's house was half gutted, and inside all the floors were iced over. Pete skated across the living room, watching an old floral rug pass under him through an inch of ice. Then he and his grandfather--etc.
Draft #3
Calloway's house was half gutted, and inside all the floors were iced over. Pete skated across the living room, watching an old floral rug pass under him through an inch of ice speckled with a suspension of soot and ashes. Then he and his grandfather--etc.
Of course, you can let this get out of hand. Assume that your descriptions lack true visual specificity, and work on enhancing that.
-----------------------------------
Okay, so possibly it's a touch confusing (especially with the examples given). Anyway, the essential part is this: take a sentence, a simple sentence such as "He rode his bike across 4th street and parked it outside the elementary school." Descriptive? Not very. In fact, it's abstract. How did he ride it? How did he park it? What's the bike look like, what's 4th street look like, what's the elementary school look like?
Here's what I changed it into:
Quote:
He peddled slowly through the empty intersection, crossing the cracked and pitted asphalt of 4th street. He paused for a moment, his foot coming down hard on the graffitied curb in front of the run-down elementary, its whitewashed walls splattered with dirt and grime, one of its front doors hanging loose on its hinges, slapping in the wind. He dropped the bike, adding another scrape to the blue paint of the beat-up rusted frame.
Big difference, right? It pulls you in. It lets you see him casually drop the bike on the curb. It lets you hear the door slapping in the wind. It draws you in, makes you stop reading and start experiencing. And that's part of the whole point of a story or novel.
DISCUSS:
Did you find this technique/exercise helpful?
Those wonderful instants where you forget you're reading words on a page.
What happens when this gets out of hand/how much description is enough.
EXERCISE:
Get one of your old stories or something you're working on now or whatever. Find a sentence in it that you feel is too simple, and expand it with descriptions as outlined above. Post them both here for us to compare!
