Opossumbly
(?)Community Member
Undead Elder
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- Posted: Tue, 28 Nov 2006 13:20:26 +0000
Edit: Seeing as there's the good ol' illogical "MAGIC DID IT" argument - let us leave this rant to be part of Sci-Fi since it deals with logic in our world. We're talking about vampires on earth - not in a fantasy universe.
Ah, welcome. Welcome to my cozy little rant corner – please, enjoy yourself! Consider this a “how to” guide. Rather, consider it a “what not to do” of Fantasy and Sci-Fi. It should in part help you to avoid horrendous atrocities of writing that many people tend to overlook. In fact, an astounding amount of people. However, before we begin, let me touch on the subject of the vampire.
Ah, yes: the vampire. A hideous legendary folkloric creature (sometimes a spirit or demon) that has endured centuries in cultures all over the world. The alluring and blood-sucking creature of the night. A lonely creature doomed for all eternity to the nighttime hours, forced to feed off the blood of the living to sustain a state of suffering less cruel than the one they could live from not feeding at all. They are most commonly a rotting corpse or a diseased human – occasionally a demonic spirit or ghoul. Yes, how romantic and alluring indeed this creature is. I’m into necrophilia too! I also like to have sex with diseased people and use my Ouija board for a good time. However, I will not judge you from your fetishes. Let me continue.
Vampires are not a species. That is to say a creature turned into a vampire in the modern sense isn’t. Never have been and never will be. I’ll explain why soon. There are other creatures in mythology and folklore that lust blood, but this doesn’t make them vampires. I repeat: vampire-like but not a vampire. To ignore this fact is like calling a bear a stork because they both eat fish. I’ll touch on this later – back to what I was saying previously.
In any version of a “vampire” you look at, it is a state of being. Thus a vampire is really just a type of human. So perhaps you can’t call them a species, but you can call them a breed. This is just the tip of the iceberg to why there is no such thing as a “half vampire”.
Ignoring basic facts of reality does not equal creativity. This is something I see disgustingly often – people passing off their senseless drivel as “creativity” when it’s really just stupidity. Creativity must be as original as it is meaningful. Ignoring facts is not meaningful. To call a dog a cat just because you want to call it that is not meaningful. In this same manner of speaking, labeling your creation as something that it is not is not acceptable or creative. There is a basic definition of a vampire - just as there are basic definitions in society and nature for everything. It may be mythology, but it is still established. You can’t call a magical mongoose a dragon or a unicorn a sphinx. They’re established creatures. If your creature looks like a sphinx but you don’t want it to actually be a sphinx, give it an original name. Don’t call the ******** thing a unicorn.
If it does NOT suck blood and does NOT live in the night only and does NOT have fangs and is NOT dead – that is to say it (or they) does not do any of these at all (sucking blood foremost) - well, darling. It's not a ******** vampire. Wearing eyeliner and having pale skin and good looks does not equal a vampire. Though I cannot understand for the life of me how a dead body or a diseased person ended up being dead sexy as it is. (Thanks, Anne Rice!) However – let’s not go there. This rant is about half-vampires, is it not? Let us continue!
I’m tired of seeing “half-vampires”. Perhaps you are too. If you’re not – well, you’re either a lot more patient or accepting of stupidity than I am. That or you really need to read this through.
To say that a character is a half-vampire is the same as saying that they have half-AIDS. ALL RIGHT. AWESOME! ROCK ON! I HAVE HALF A DISEASE.
Now here is about the time where someone goes "Who cares! Vampires aren’t even real! I’ll do whatever I want!” Well, listen up. As I said before, they do have an established definition. They were once considered very much real and that basic definition has stayed the same for hundreds of years. I suppose I don’t give a damn if you don’t want to pay attention to reality. I suppose I don’t care if you want to spend your time churning out writing that my goldfish could. That’s your choice – however, please don’t expect me to A.) Take you seriously. B.) Respect You. C.) Give a damn about what you write. Or D.) All of the above.
This is a rather important rule of writing: If you're going to write about something, do it right. As the old saying goes – “be the best you can be”. Rather, let your writing be the best it can be. This includes research on basic facts of life – there’s really no excuse for not doing so. Writing in a believable manner is almost the number one rule of writing (not taking grammar into consideration). Readers don’t want to read something they can’t relate to. It’s the same as reading “903uaijfkdfkjd”. Yes, fascinating. GIVE ME MORE. Wait, no. Please don’t.
A half-vampire is about as far from believable in character design as you can get. When you write about vampires outside of heavy humour you’re suggesting that in the reality or universe of your fantasy world that they are real. So you must also take facts of what is real in the “real world” along with them with a grain of salt.
Now we finally come to the climax of this rant – and yes, that was a pun. To be half of something in your heritage, the parentage has to be such and such, correct? In the most common case seen - vampire and human parents.
As a vampire is a state of being (no matter what), they have no non-human genes to pass down to children. Why? First off there are not different breeds of vampire. Perhaps different strains of the supposed disease, but as vampires are not a species, they have no breeds. Rather they are a singular human breed of their own. Any human can become a vampire. A vampire doesn’t have different vampiric genetic makeup to pass on - all they pass on is the infection. Depending on the preference of the author, it is either a disease that affects the living or a disease that affects the dead.
The most common vampires seen in literature are dead. The blood they take into their body is the blood of those they feed from, and it takes up all forms of fluids in their body – tears, sweat, water, and yes – sperm. Saying that vampires can reproduce is like saying zombies can.
The most common form of vampires are basically a superior breed of zombie that retains the living human memory and is most commonly believed to have been granted some part of supernatural power. They feed on human blood and the infection passes on only when a human gets the infection in their own bloodstream. How long the infection may last or if it only works when the human is dead is up to the author. It is commonly accepted that the human has to drink of infected blood and once dead that the infection will reanimate the corpse. Vampires can not have saliva – just as they can not have sweat, tears, or sperm. Dead bodies do not produce these things. Hence why there aren't a massive load of vampires. If each person fed off of became a vampire (in the classical sense of death), everyone would be one by now.
As I said before – dead things don’t have sperm (or eggs) so dead things cannot reproduce. The blood they drink runs through all their organs in place of basically all other fluids they had while living. The sperm would have died off at the least.
This isn’t to say that vampires cannot have sex. They do have warm blood after feeding and they do retain memory and instinct. However, pardon my crude humour, but if you were to say that a male vampire would be the sire of a half-vampire, all the partners would actually being doing at orgasm is giving the human lady an early period.
A female vampire cannot be a mother even if there actually were any eggs left in her alive. Reason being that all a vampire survives by is blood, so any baby being formed would die very quickly. A growing fetus cannot survive off of human blood much less survive in a dead body. It would just rot in their guts without developing whatsoever.
There are several forms of vampires in literature that are living. They are either diseased or affected by a parasite or possessed.
This is a far more simple explanation as why a half-vampire cannot exist. These vampires can certainly reproduce. However, their offspring will not be half-vampire. If it is a disease the child will either be affected or not. If you have AIDS, your child does not receive half-AIDS. You cannot receive half of a disease. Perhaps a more mild form of the disease, but the disease nonetheless. The child will be a full vampire if only a weak one. If you were born weak at birth does that make you half-human and half-ghost? I don’t think so. Give me a break.
If it is a parasite or more spiritual (or supernatural) form of possession, the “vampires” are still human beings. If you are possessed by a spirit or demon and mate with someone, your child will not be half demon or half spirit. You are still human in body and you still have human genetics in your sperm and eggs. If you have a parasite in you, that also fails to affect your DNA.
Therefore, I rest my case. There is no such thing in literature or any form of entertainment or ‘creativity” worth my logical time as a half-vampire. I hope it isn’t worth your time either.
Ah, welcome. Welcome to my cozy little rant corner – please, enjoy yourself! Consider this a “how to” guide. Rather, consider it a “what not to do” of Fantasy and Sci-Fi. It should in part help you to avoid horrendous atrocities of writing that many people tend to overlook. In fact, an astounding amount of people. However, before we begin, let me touch on the subject of the vampire.
Ah, yes: the vampire. A hideous legendary folkloric creature (sometimes a spirit or demon) that has endured centuries in cultures all over the world. The alluring and blood-sucking creature of the night. A lonely creature doomed for all eternity to the nighttime hours, forced to feed off the blood of the living to sustain a state of suffering less cruel than the one they could live from not feeding at all. They are most commonly a rotting corpse or a diseased human – occasionally a demonic spirit or ghoul. Yes, how romantic and alluring indeed this creature is. I’m into necrophilia too! I also like to have sex with diseased people and use my Ouija board for a good time. However, I will not judge you from your fetishes. Let me continue.
Vampires are not a species. That is to say a creature turned into a vampire in the modern sense isn’t. Never have been and never will be. I’ll explain why soon. There are other creatures in mythology and folklore that lust blood, but this doesn’t make them vampires. I repeat: vampire-like but not a vampire. To ignore this fact is like calling a bear a stork because they both eat fish. I’ll touch on this later – back to what I was saying previously.
In any version of a “vampire” you look at, it is a state of being. Thus a vampire is really just a type of human. So perhaps you can’t call them a species, but you can call them a breed. This is just the tip of the iceberg to why there is no such thing as a “half vampire”.
Ignoring basic facts of reality does not equal creativity. This is something I see disgustingly often – people passing off their senseless drivel as “creativity” when it’s really just stupidity. Creativity must be as original as it is meaningful. Ignoring facts is not meaningful. To call a dog a cat just because you want to call it that is not meaningful. In this same manner of speaking, labeling your creation as something that it is not is not acceptable or creative. There is a basic definition of a vampire - just as there are basic definitions in society and nature for everything. It may be mythology, but it is still established. You can’t call a magical mongoose a dragon or a unicorn a sphinx. They’re established creatures. If your creature looks like a sphinx but you don’t want it to actually be a sphinx, give it an original name. Don’t call the ******** thing a unicorn.
If it does NOT suck blood and does NOT live in the night only and does NOT have fangs and is NOT dead – that is to say it (or they) does not do any of these at all (sucking blood foremost) - well, darling. It's not a ******** vampire. Wearing eyeliner and having pale skin and good looks does not equal a vampire. Though I cannot understand for the life of me how a dead body or a diseased person ended up being dead sexy as it is. (Thanks, Anne Rice!) However – let’s not go there. This rant is about half-vampires, is it not? Let us continue!
I’m tired of seeing “half-vampires”. Perhaps you are too. If you’re not – well, you’re either a lot more patient or accepting of stupidity than I am. That or you really need to read this through.
To say that a character is a half-vampire is the same as saying that they have half-AIDS. ALL RIGHT. AWESOME! ROCK ON! I HAVE HALF A DISEASE.
Now here is about the time where someone goes "Who cares! Vampires aren’t even real! I’ll do whatever I want!” Well, listen up. As I said before, they do have an established definition. They were once considered very much real and that basic definition has stayed the same for hundreds of years. I suppose I don’t give a damn if you don’t want to pay attention to reality. I suppose I don’t care if you want to spend your time churning out writing that my goldfish could. That’s your choice – however, please don’t expect me to A.) Take you seriously. B.) Respect You. C.) Give a damn about what you write. Or D.) All of the above.
This is a rather important rule of writing: If you're going to write about something, do it right. As the old saying goes – “be the best you can be”. Rather, let your writing be the best it can be. This includes research on basic facts of life – there’s really no excuse for not doing so. Writing in a believable manner is almost the number one rule of writing (not taking grammar into consideration). Readers don’t want to read something they can’t relate to. It’s the same as reading “903uaijfkdfkjd”. Yes, fascinating. GIVE ME MORE. Wait, no. Please don’t.
A half-vampire is about as far from believable in character design as you can get. When you write about vampires outside of heavy humour you’re suggesting that in the reality or universe of your fantasy world that they are real. So you must also take facts of what is real in the “real world” along with them with a grain of salt.
Now we finally come to the climax of this rant – and yes, that was a pun. To be half of something in your heritage, the parentage has to be such and such, correct? In the most common case seen - vampire and human parents.
Classical Vampires – Reanimated Dead Bodies
As a vampire is a state of being (no matter what), they have no non-human genes to pass down to children. Why? First off there are not different breeds of vampire. Perhaps different strains of the supposed disease, but as vampires are not a species, they have no breeds. Rather they are a singular human breed of their own. Any human can become a vampire. A vampire doesn’t have different vampiric genetic makeup to pass on - all they pass on is the infection. Depending on the preference of the author, it is either a disease that affects the living or a disease that affects the dead.
The most common vampires seen in literature are dead. The blood they take into their body is the blood of those they feed from, and it takes up all forms of fluids in their body – tears, sweat, water, and yes – sperm. Saying that vampires can reproduce is like saying zombies can.
The most common form of vampires are basically a superior breed of zombie that retains the living human memory and is most commonly believed to have been granted some part of supernatural power. They feed on human blood and the infection passes on only when a human gets the infection in their own bloodstream. How long the infection may last or if it only works when the human is dead is up to the author. It is commonly accepted that the human has to drink of infected blood and once dead that the infection will reanimate the corpse. Vampires can not have saliva – just as they can not have sweat, tears, or sperm. Dead bodies do not produce these things. Hence why there aren't a massive load of vampires. If each person fed off of became a vampire (in the classical sense of death), everyone would be one by now.
As I said before – dead things don’t have sperm (or eggs) so dead things cannot reproduce. The blood they drink runs through all their organs in place of basically all other fluids they had while living. The sperm would have died off at the least.
This isn’t to say that vampires cannot have sex. They do have warm blood after feeding and they do retain memory and instinct. However, pardon my crude humour, but if you were to say that a male vampire would be the sire of a half-vampire, all the partners would actually being doing at orgasm is giving the human lady an early period.
A female vampire cannot be a mother even if there actually were any eggs left in her alive. Reason being that all a vampire survives by is blood, so any baby being formed would die very quickly. A growing fetus cannot survive off of human blood much less survive in a dead body. It would just rot in their guts without developing whatsoever.
Vampires As Living
There are several forms of vampires in literature that are living. They are either diseased or affected by a parasite or possessed.
This is a far more simple explanation as why a half-vampire cannot exist. These vampires can certainly reproduce. However, their offspring will not be half-vampire. If it is a disease the child will either be affected or not. If you have AIDS, your child does not receive half-AIDS. You cannot receive half of a disease. Perhaps a more mild form of the disease, but the disease nonetheless. The child will be a full vampire if only a weak one. If you were born weak at birth does that make you half-human and half-ghost? I don’t think so. Give me a break.
If it is a parasite or more spiritual (or supernatural) form of possession, the “vampires” are still human beings. If you are possessed by a spirit or demon and mate with someone, your child will not be half demon or half spirit. You are still human in body and you still have human genetics in your sperm and eggs. If you have a parasite in you, that also fails to affect your DNA.
Therefore, I rest my case. There is no such thing in literature or any form of entertainment or ‘creativity” worth my logical time as a half-vampire. I hope it isn’t worth your time either.
