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Prepositions: The Deadliest Guns in the West

I've been wanting to write this article for a while, but I've only just now been moved to actually write it, and by nothing in particular. This is going to be mostly a grammar lesson, but possibly one of the most important grammar lessons you ever encounter.

PART ONE:

What in tarnation is a preposition?

A preposition is a word that shows the relationship of a noun or pronoun (object of the preposition) to some other word in the sentence.

I've heard it described as what radar can do to a ship. It can beam through the ship, beam beside the ship, or beyond the ship. Those bolded words are the prepositions.

Here, for your reference, is a fairly comprehensive list of all the prepositions in the English language.

aboard
about
above
across
after
against
along
amid
among
around
at
before
behind
below
beneath
beside
besides
between
beyond
but
by
concerning
down
during
except
for
from
in
inside
into
like
near
of
off
on
onto
outside
over
past
since
through
to
toward
under
underneath
until
up
upon
with
within
without


There are essentially three rules regarding the use of prepositions.

#1

KEEP EM OUT THE ENDS OF THE SENTENCE

"Where's the library at?"

A sentence like that one makes you sound stupid. Just say "Where's the library?"

Any time you want to use a preposition at the end of your sentence, you are harming the strength of your language. Find a way to get around it.

#2

KEEP EM AWAY FROM EACH OTHER

"He rode off into the sunset."

A sentence like that is redundant and weak. Say "He rode into the sunset."

Using two prepositions in a row complicates your sentence. Use more powerful language by avoiding this error.

#3

KEEP EM IN A PHRASE

"What I went through shouldn't happen to anyone."

A sentence like that appears all right at first, but compared with the much stronger sentence, "What I experienced shouldn't happen to anyone", its lack of clarity is obvious.

When your prepositions lack phrases, your sentence is less effective. Expand your vocabulary and add sentence variety with properly placed prepositions.

(A phrase? WTF?

All right. Here's the typical pattern that the prepositional phrase follows.

The subject verbed preposition article noun.

The man waved at the woman.

The man smiled at a joke.

Expect to see an article and noun always following your preposition.

through the ship

beside the ship

This is hard to explain over the internet, but just remember that your preposition needs to have a buddy.)




PART TWO

Why in hell do I care?

Ever feel that your descriptions lack that special "oomph"? You think that people are getting lost in your prose?

FIX YOUR RAMPAGING PREPOSITIONS, and the rest will begin to fall into place.

Now, here's your job. Submit a few scraps of description, and I'll pick the ones that most need a bit of prepositional re-arrangement. I'll include the "before and after"s here.

AND DON'T PISS AT ME ABOUT HOW YOU CAN USE A PREPOSITION HOWEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

Because, you know what, you can. But only knowledge of how to use them will allow you to use them improperly without sounding like an idiot half the time.

Grazie. I die a bit, too. It's a whole new syllable that communicates exactly nothing.

Yay!

I should probably add a bit about how some pronouns can double as adverbs which are allowed a place at the end of the sentence, but I don't want to confuse things too much.

*hugs arddunaid* heart

Danke everyone.

Thanks for the in-depth stuff layra. I just don't want to confuse everyone with too much grammar talk.

I just don't like setting strict rules for English, seeing how much it likes to violate everything.
Besides, I like ending things in prepositions. I used to hold strictly to the "don't end in a preposition" rule, but it took too much effort to rearrange my sentences. When my mom, who was my main source of grammar, finally relented, everything became so much easier.

I reffed my old grammar book from sophomore year for this, but really, once you get the gist of proper prepositional use, it becomes second nature.

And also, I don't mean for people to always use every preposition according to strict rules, but I do intend for people to realize that having goofy prepositions in creative writing is like trying to make an amazing sculpture out of play-doh. Sure, it might look good enough, but it still seems juvenile.