Still an improbable love poem (Update: Edit 4)

Another meaningless poll meant to trick the unsuspecting into clicking on your post? Surely not!

Of course not. This one's clearly sincere.	50.0%	[ 13 ]
Ha! You've underestimated my nefariousness once more!	50.0%	[ 13 ]
Total Votes:			[ 26 ]

[fuitilium]

Bumped!

Because, truly, I would love a response to this poem's latest iteration. This one still preys on me. I know it's not quite there yet, and I don't know why, so help me, OP/L! You're my only hope!